


Adrift in Space, on Earth, and Throughout Life

by Tumblinginmyfeels



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: (Tosh & Owen & Ianto live because I'm a weenie), Asexual Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Excessive Cursing, Gen, Later discussion of scars/branding/trauma, Medical Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Warnings for the author (an American) attempting to use UK linguistics, weird author headcannons for the Year That Never Was, will cover Miracle Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-03-01 10:32:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 62,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13292967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tumblinginmyfeels/pseuds/Tumblinginmyfeels
Summary: Gray was awfully sick of people saying that they were sorry his brother was likely dead, but then trying to make it seem like it was honorable because he was protecting him...his older brother shouldn't had to have gone missing, die, or worse to prove he was the best big brother anyone could ask for.AU where instead of Gray being taken it was Jack. Doctor Who/Torchwood rewrite.





	1. The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances

**Author's Note:**

> I, very obviously, do not own Torchwood or Doctor Who.

“I’m sorry.” Mark Emmet said as he looked at the Doctor. “I know I messed up pretty badly.”

 

Said man just grunted in response while messing with the controls of his impossible, wonderful ship. A ship he was pretty sure was sentient which made him so, so incredibly fascinated but alas he needed to talk to the man that probably had every right to leave him to die today.  

 

“I didn’t-”

 

“But it did. You perfectly represent everything I hate about the Time Agency.” the Doctor interrupted and Mark couldn’t help but flinch. 

 

Of course he deserved it though. He almost destroyed the human race in the 1940’s and nearly created an incredibly nasty paradox.

 

The Time Agency would’ve happily let him die after trying to clean up that mess. Or torture him. Or wipe all of his memories from his mind and not just 6 months. They definitely wouldn’t have given him the materials he needed to maintain his vortex manipulator or a new one all together. 

 

He probably didn’t even deserve to be sitting in the Doctor’s ship. 

 

“Rose wants you to stay.” the Doctor said next and his tone of voice made it perfectly clear hat he thought about that. 

 

“Why?” he asked and realized a few moments later how that could’ve been taken. It was obvious why Rose wanted his to stay. What wasn’t so clear why he was letting him after making it quite clear his opinions of him. 

 

“Ultimately you did the right thing, Captain Mark Emmet, and because of that I’m giving you  _ one _ chance to prove you’re more than what you showed today.” He said as he looked up from his controls and fixed an extremely stormy looking glare at him. “Prove me right and I won’t hesitate to dump you on the primitive planet I can think of. And trust me after a few hundreds of years of space-time travel I know quite a few.”

 

Mark shivered at his steely words, but were still happy about them. That chance was more than he deserved but he’ll try. He’ll try his best to prove he can still be good. To them, to himself, and to his brother.

 

He’ll try his best to be someone his big brother could be proud of. 

 

Rose came back into the council room right at that moment and Mark was glad for the distraction. She must’ve heard their conversation because she jumped right into giving her opinion. 

 

“He’s not that bad Doctor. The only thing that needs fixing is his lack of flirting! I fell into a handsome man’s arms and he didn’t even have the decency to flirt with me!” 

 

Mark could tell she was joking, although not as much as he would’ve liked, and he knew he had to be upfront about  _ that _ . 

 

“I don’t like romance or sex. I never wanted either and I don’t ever see that changing.”

 

Rose gaped for a moment and looked at the Doctor accusingly. 

 

“I just said that people in the 51st century are more flexible with dancing.” the Doctor said easy shrug. “They're also more flexible with the lack of wanting it.” he added after a moment’s thought. 

 

This century never ended with it’s baffling contradictions. These people were so ashamed of sex, and romance was a subject that endured endless scorn, worship, and teasing yet it was considered shameful to not want either. It drove Mark absolutely mad.

 

Rose seemed to recover after a few moments and silence fell on the three of them. 

 

Mark absolutely could not stand the tense silence. He could not just let them think he was some asshole with no regard to people. He may have  _ acted _ that way and now he was, perhaps a little too much, eager to prove that he wasn’t. He could almost hear his brother’s voice gently scolding him, so long ago and so far into the future, and he almost feels like a child being watched by his elder brother again and he did something wrong. 

 

Now was not the time to think about how young that voice sounds to him now.

 

“My real name is Gray Thane.” Mark suddenly announced. Rose startled a little while the Doctor continued to look impassive.

 

It’s been so long since he’s told anyone his actual name. He hoped they recognized it as the olive branch, a white flag, a insert whatever earth phrase you’d like that it was.He hoped they saw the apology, the promise to do better, the acknowledgement that he messed up in those simple words. 

 

He hoped they knew that he was trusting them with a part of his heart. That he was trusting them with something fragile and reflected who he truly was. That this was a fact about him that he has not revealed in a very long time. 

 

(The only fact he’s hidden longer is that he’s looking for his brother. The Doctor was right about the Time Agency. Gray learned extremely quick that there was no room for sentimentality and for the sake of him using the agency to find him he learned how to act like them. At one point it stopped being just an act and became his personality)

 

“Oooo that’s a nice name. Has a good ring to it.” Rose declared after a moment’s thought. “Better than your lack of one!” she said turning to the Doctor and laughing.

 

“Oi! Just for that I’m not letting you or Gray choose the next place we go!”

 

It was obvious that the Doctor still wasn’t all that fond of him, but his tone seemed softer when he used his real name versus his stolen one.

 

He could tell that the Doctor knew the power of names. He could also tell the Doctor knew what he was trying to achieve by revealing his actual name. 

 

Gray grinned at the pair of them, not the cocky grin he perfected or the humorless smirks he was all too used to, but an actual genuine smile.

 

Maybe just maybe, with the help of these madly incredible and incredibly mad people, there was hope for him after all.


	2. Boom Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who has commented, gave kudos, bookmarked, or subscribed so far to my story! I really appreciate it! I was kind of worried before I posted my first chapter how it would be received so I'm incredibly thankful for the feedback I've gotten already.

This day turned out very different than Rose expected. 

 

She didn't expect Mickey to show up, and yes she was fully aware how silly the three of them looked while explaining the Rift to Mickey, but she was just so happy it easily brought that side out of her.

 

What Rose expected was to ‘refill’ the TARDIS and then jump back into their mad and wonderful adventures, and to get to know Gray a little better. It was been a while since they picked up Gray from the 1940’s and even the Doctor was happy that he was traveling with him. The Doctor even let him to minor repairs to his precious ship  _ unsupervised _ ! Rose might’ve felt a spark of jealousy at first at that show of trust, but she quickly sorted herself out. Gray was from the 51st century and a former time agent so of course his knowledge of ships far outweighed hers.

 

They all brought something to their odd little team. Both the Doctor and Rose were still getting used to Gray being apart of their fold, so none of them were really acting normally. Gray was so used to being in charge the Doctor had to remind him who was actually in charge there today when they were cornering Margaret today and Rose was still getting used Gray and his little mannerisms that seemed so different that her own. Despite that she was still happy he was there and was more than willing to learn how to live with him.   

 

That morning she was fully intending to talk to him about her first space station, the end of Earth, and the aliens she saw, she was already preparing a joke about The Heart of Boe and how the name doesn’t really fit since said alien was a gigantic head in a jar, then  Margaret happened and she had a bit of a row with Mickey so now she was watching Gray do repairs.

 

“It is kind of sad though. She did lose her entire family.” Rose eventually whispered as she sat the the seat by the TARDIS console as she watch Gray fiddle with a huge mess of wires under the console.

 

“Just because you lose your family doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole.”

 

Rose leaned back. There was something in his tone that implied he wasn’t just talking about Margaret. Suddenly a few things about Gray Thane made a bit more sense. Gray had been working so hard to get into the Doctor’s good graces and just try to be a better person than the ‘asshole’ he was acting like before. The asshole the Doctor was pretty clear in saying he had no right to be. 

 

(The Doctor was still working on liking Gray, but she knew he had the beginnings of begrudged respect for him. It helped that it was obvious Gray had an immense amount of respect for him)

 

“Is that what you’re always looking for when we go anywhere? Closure?” she softly asked tucking her hands under her thighs and leaning forward. She rather hoped she was right. Might be a bit embarrassing for her if she completely misconstrued his statement.

 

Gray just sighed. 

 

He could not stand people automatically assuming his brother was dead. Of course Rose doesn’t know anything about his past so he shouldn’t be harsh. He just had enough of that assumption back on the Boeshane Peninsula. 

 

Still, he trusted Rose and was starting to love her like the little sister he never had, but to willing admit he’s looking for his brother...for the longest time it was absolutely unthinkable. The Time Agency had no room for any sort of sentiment. If even Rose noticed his desperate search Gray could only hope he wasn't that obvious back when he was an agent.

 

Yet the Doctor and Rose were absolutely not the Time Agency and in order to be trusted he needed to trust. And he knew this knowledge wouldn’t be abused by this strange, wonderful 21st century girl.

 

“I’m looking for my older brother.” The words felt odd on his tongue. He’s never admitted that to anyone since that day mum sobbed into his hair besides his dad’s corpse. 

 

(A slight lie. One time he got so drunk on one of those everything-gone-wrong time loop missions every time agent had at least  _ once _ and he cried and cried about that awful day at his partner, but they were as drunk if not more than he was so Gray honestly doubted they remembered it. He didn’t think he revealed anything about his personal reason for joining the agency)

 

“Or closure. But there’s no one else. Dad died that day and mum and I never got along after...well just  _ after _ .”

 

“That day?” Rose asked. Her face seemed broken open by the pain in his words and Gray was already beginning to feel guilty.

 

“The day my childhood home got invaded.” He said cryptically. He wouldn’t he  _ couldn’t _ go into more detail than that. 

 

Rose opened her mouth, probably to tell him he needed to talk about it, but Gray couldn’t dump that sort of bullshit onto her.

 

“Everyone used to call him Cloud. Because he was a huge daydreamer and he always had a noticeable presence. You could never ignore Cloud!” Gray laughed but felt like crying.

 

Rose smiled. “I would love to meet him. He sounds...fantastic.” she grinned wider at the use of the Doctor’s signature word. Gray couldn’t help but grin right with her.

 

“He was! He was the best big brother. He was my hero even before he saved my life that day.” Gray’s smile faded. 

 

He remembered being so awfully sick of people saying they were sorry his big brother was likely dead and insisting that it was honorable that he's likely dead because he was protecting him. 

 

He didn't understand at the time and honestly he still didn’t to this day. People had liked to pretend at the time that he was just too little to understand that he probably will never see his big brother again or he was too little to understand their sympathies, but Gray was really just confused about why people were mentioning how great of an older brother he was after he disappeared. Of course people noticed and mentioned it before, but they the way they talked about him was too different.  His brother was great before he twisted his ankle running in the sand and insisted Gray go hide without him. His brother was great before he shouted over the chaos and screaming that Gray had to close his eyes and don't open them until it was over. 

 

Gray’s older brother shouldn't had to have gone missing, die, or  _ worse  _ to prove he was the best big brother anyone could ask for.

 

It would’ve helped if mum wasn’t glad that it was Cloud instead of him. Oh she hid it so well for years and it wasn't like she didn't love her eldest son, but he knew she was secretly glad Gray was still here instead of the other way around. 

 

“Tell me about him! I want to know about Cloud, the older brother of the handsome and mysterious Gray Thane.” She said as she got up from her seat and sat down right next to him. 

 

It’s been so long since he’s talked about his brother. It’s been even longer since he’s tried to think about him separate from the hell that was that awful, goddamn day. He wasn’t even sure if he fill a conversation about him anymore.

 

For Rose though he will try. He will try the best he could. 

 

The conversation was abruptly interrupted not too far into it, but later he found himself back in the console room and bawling his eyes out. Embarrassing sure, but it’s been so long since he’s tried to remember just the good memories of his brother and just talking about it drained away any desire to hide the pain and happiness those memories caused him. 

 

“The only people who know this much about me is people I’ve grown up with. I guess I have to make you my little sister now.” He grinned through the tears as he tried to sound like he was joking.

 

“I guess if you  _ have _ to…” Rose said with her own wide smile. 

 

In the first time in years Gray was happy.


	3. Bad Wolf/The Parting of the Ways + mentions of Fragments

Gray was trying very, very hard not to panic. 

 

He thought he was doing a rather good job of it too since he was currently on an abandoned space station with limited supplies and surrounded by corpses and piles of dust. To top it all off he saw the TARDIS disappear without him.

 

That feeling of being punched in the gut needs to stop happening whenever he thinks about that. 

 

Of course (hopefully) neither Rose or the Doctor would permanently abandon him right? Rose was his little sister now and Gray had started thinking the Doctor was like an eccentric uncle.

 

Rose has started helping him look for his brother. He was going to tell the Doctor about him.

 

No matter. They weren’t leaving him. They had something essential to do and they couldn’t wait.

 

(Gray thought he was  _ dead _ ! Then he woke up. He had no explanation. Maybe it only grazed him? Maybe it was damaged and it only knocked him out?)

 

He couldn’t wait around for long. The supplies here was limited and he already heard from Rose that sometimes the Doctor had a tendency to be late. Then he heard her mutter something about twelve months. 

 

Gray could not wait that long or possibly even  _ longer _ . He could intercept them in Cardiff or something. Doing that might create a bit of a misunderstanding when (if) they come back, but Gray would happily deal with it.

 

What was he talking about? He didn’t do anything wrong (He thought he’d done everything right today. He fought and defended and inspired and was willing to  _ die _ for the Doctor today) and he has not been abandoned.

 

So why couldn’t he convince himself that he wasn’t?

 

If the Doctor intended to leave him then Rose could persuade him to come back right?

 

(He briefly wondered if this is how his brother felt when he ran and hid all those years ago. Did part of him hope he’d do more to get him to safety too? Did he feel betrayed when Gray just ran and hid just as he was told? Did he feel as abandoned as he does right now? He was a kid himself at the time so Gray wouldn’t have blamed him if he did. He should not have been solely responsible for Gray’s fate that day. He quickly left this thought process though because it hurt so much to think about)

 

The good news was he still had his vortex manipulator. The bad news was it was already half broken. Not to any fault of his own. They were purposely made shitty and needing constant maintenance. ‘Helps reduce the number of rogue former time agents with access to space and time.’ he thought with a humorless smirk as he adjusted the controls on said device. 

 

There he goes back to the humorless smirks and false cocky grins. He thought he grew out of those in his short time with the Doctor and Rose.

 

‘That time isn’t over yet!’ he snapped at himself while even the smirk faded from his face. 

 

God, this place was already causing him to go mad. 

 

He put in the coordinates for 21st century Cardiff and took a deep breath as he mentally begged the device to work for  _ once _ in its life  _ please _ !

 

And it was just his luck he ended up in 1869 Cardiff with no food, no supplies, and a broken vortex manipulator. 

 

Gray belted out the nastiest curse word he knew and collapsed against a wall. 

 

Wasn’t this just  _ fantastic _ ?

 

* * *

  
  


By 1890 Gray knew a lot of facts about his current situation wasn’t right.

 

He knew that the Doctor leaving him on the Game Station wasn’t right even if they didn’t permanently abandon him, he knew that it wasn’t right to judge these 19th century earth people but the cultural differences were slowly driving him absolutely mad, it wasn’t right that he’ll probably never find his brother now, he knew that it wasn’t right that in the twenty one years he’s been here he hasn’t aged a bit, and he knew it wasn’t right that he kept surviving...odd things.

 

Events he should not have survived, but he did. He had a sneaking suspicion about  _ that _ , but it was impossible. God he didn’t want it to be possible. 

 

In 1892 after a deal gone wrong, he’s spent 23 years trying to fix his vortex manipulator with primitive 19th century technology with only the most limited of success, Gray was shot four times in the chest and was hundreds of miles away from the nearest hospital. 

 

In all the situations he’s been into and he dies via sleazy 19th century Earth ‘businessmen’. He’d laugh if it wasn’t so pathetically sad.

 

Gray Thane laid in a filthy alleyway in 1892 Cardiff and humorlessly smiled at his injuries and all the blood that stained his front.

 

He remembered closing his eyes as he got increasingly weaker and in an increasingly desperate attempt to  _ not _ think about the fact he was  _ dying _ he remembered his big brother’s smile.

 

The bitter smirk faded a little at the memory and he tried to think of a time when he was young and Cloud held him comfortingly. 

 

After a few agonizing moments Gray found himself so incredibly glad when he found a memory like that. 

 

The memory only seemed slightly bitter because of what happened that day, his shame of who he was before he met the Doctor and Rose, and his current shitty circumstances.

 

He ignored all of that and just focused on the memory of his brother’s arms around him and his voice. 

 

His brother’s gentle hushing and declarations that everything was going to be okay didn’t make the fact he was dying easier, but it was still a hell of a lot nicer than dying completely alone. 

 

Focusing on his brother’s young voice, sometimes he forgets how young he was or really how young they both were, was a lot better than being frightened and waiting for himself to just go already. It was going to happen anyway so why must it be so prolonged? He's always hated the thought of a slow death. 

 

Gray died with the sound of his brother’s voice in his head.

 

Then he woke up.

 

* * *

  
  


Gray would easily admit that he did not take the news of being immortal...well.

 

Additionally he could admit it was some of the lowest years of his life.

 

There was a part of him gave up. There was a large part of him that questioned what was the point in trying to get back to someone who abandoned him. 

 

That part also demanded to know why he thought his brother was alive.

 

Gray ignored the busy bar around him, he wasn’t quite at the ‘alcoholic’ stage of his depression  _ yet _ , as he scowled into a beer bottle.

 

“Can I read your cards?” 

 

He startled at the young voice but quickly went back to glaring at his drink. “No thank you.” he said finally as politely as he could’ve at that moment. He felt like it still left something to be desired.

 

The young girl ignored him. She shuffled her cards and placed three in front of him and flipped them over. 

 

“Seriously I don’t want-”

 

“You won’t find your more recent loss until the century turns twice.” She declared after a long moment of staring at the cards. She looked down at them again and her mouth formed a small ‘o’ shape. “Did your drink taste off?” she asked next. 

 

Now alarmed Gray looked down at the half empty bottle and felt woozy. Yet despite him obviously fighting off the effects of being fucking  _ roofied _ she was more than eager to carry on. 

 

“Your brother loves you very much.” she stated easily looking at his cards once again. The comment only infuriated Gray because  _ of course _ he knew that! That was the whole point of him being here and his brother being gone! He  _ loved _ him too much and left him alone! It was his brother’s fault he was alone and where he was today. And everyone thought it was so  _ fucking _ ‘honorable’ what he did. Gray tried to get his hand in a fist and was only able to attempt some pathetic parody of a punch.

 

(He was so angry at the sudden mention of his brother and drugged he failed to realize a very important detail about what the strange girl said. She used present tense to talk about his brother)

 

She seemed unaffected by his obvious fury. 

 

“They’re coming for you. Not just the organization, but also the creature in the dark and  _ him _ .” was the last thing he heard before falling unconscious. Or dying. He didn’t really know which it was.

 

A few days later Gray could easily admit Alice Guppy and Emily Holroyd were some of the most cold-hearted people he’s ever met. And they were completely from this century and planet.

 

He was still scrubbing the alien Blowfish blood and the phantom shame that was associated with it off of himself hours later and there was only one thing going though his mind.

 

Gray was going to change this cruel, hellish organization called Torchwood. 

 

It wasn’t like he had anything better to do for the next century. And if there was one thing he was complete shite at it was having nothing to do.


	4. Everything Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay. Let me just say this: I do not particularly like Gwen in anything besides Miracle Day. Yet this is going to be a completely Gwen-bashing free zone. She's a deeply flawed character, just like everyone else in the show, and if anything I applaud that she can sometimes be just as much of a shitty person than anyone else in Torchwood. The difference is I am not going to portray her as the 'moral compass' character. Her purpose in this AU Torchwood will be talked about in this chapter.

Gray really should’ve known by now not to underestimate 19th, 20th, and 21st century humans.

 

Alice  Guppy and Emily Holroyd proved long ago that they were far more cruel than they looked, so it should not have surprised him that Suzie Costello and Gwen Cooper were far more than meets the eye too. 

 

It was obvious what needed to be done with Suzie. There isn't much else you do with a corpse.

 

Gray sat in his office and carefully thought about what he was going to do with Gwen Cooper now.

 

Maybe before the Battle of Canary Wharf he would've retconned her again with a stronger dose.

 

Torchwood One is gone and good bloody riddance! And Torchwood Three,  _ his _ Torchwood, was the only one standing. 

 

He's still trying to change the entire concept of Torchwood. There is over a hundred years of filth, paperwork, public mentalities, and shame to work through after all. 

 

Before Torchwood One’s fall he might’ve retconned her again because under their regime there would not be a place for people like Gwen Cooper. 

 

She hasn't felt devastating loss like Owen Harper has when he lost his Katie. She hasn't seen how cruel humans can be to each other like Toshiko Sato has in her time at a UNIT prison. She hasn't experienced war like Ianto Jones has at his time with Torchwood One the day it fell.

 

She hasn't had her faith and love for fellow humans torn apart yet nor has she been traumatized, and back under Torchwood One’s regime this organization would have destroyed her. She had a boyfriend, family she had regular contact with, and friendship. Most of those things didn't last long when people join this organization.

 

Yet...

 

Torchwood One is gone and maybe they needed more people like her. Maybe Torchwood didn't need broken people and battle-torn soldiers anymore. 

 

Maybe they needed to remember that fighting aliens and stockpiling artifacts for Earth’s future isn't war anymore. Maybe they needed the reminder that what they do does not require soldiers.

 

Gray would be glad. He's spent enough time as a soldier. Not just for Torchwood but for Boeshane, for the Time Agency, and sometimes even for the Doctor. 

 

He momentarily looked at a jar that contained a hand. The Doctor's hand. The device that's going to tell him when he'd be back. 

 

He was tired of being a soldier. And maybe she could help him change what it meant to be Torchwood. 

 

God knows he's done just as awful things as Torchwood One has, and ever since the Time Agency he's been very, no pun intended, morally grey. 

 

Still, just because Torchwood wasn’t at war with alien threats anymore doesn’t mean it would still be good for Cooper. Being at Torchwood still tends to tear relationships apart, and Torchwood still could cause someone to go mad or be killed. Suzie is only the most recent example of the insanity and murder Torchwood could cause.

 

Cooper likely has had little or no training when handling a gun. She probably has never killed or even seriously injured a sentient being to ensure success of a mission or to save her own life. Although, as far as he knew, neither have Tosh, Owen, or Ianto. 

 

Oh...he should probably ask them about this too. Or maybe not? It was still incredibly odd to be the sole leader of Torchwood, or even being the highest authority to anything really. Well, maybe not the highest authority. He would hate to do something that would make his brother ashamed of him if he was still out there somewhere or make the Doctor his enemy. 

 

Torchwood of the past would not ask its employees about a potential newbie, and that was the only motivation he needed to briskly walk out of his office and unintentionally demand his team what they thought of Gwen Cooper joining their team.

 

“Talk about it for a bit. I’ll take care of Suzie and you can tell me what you think when I get back.” Gray added when he saw Owen preparing said body for the morgue. Tosh and Ianto looked at each other for a moment and then nodded.

 

* * *

 

 

“Owen and Toshiko. You didn’t tell them you were shot in the head and survived.” Gwen said later staring out into the water with her feet dangling over the pier.

 

If Gray wanted to be overdramatic he could’ve dragged her onto the roof of the Millenium Center, but he just wasn't feeling up to it to be completely honest.

 

“You didn’t either.” He answered putting his hands in his short flight jacket (a jacket Gwen had yet to see him without whenever he went outside) “Followed my lead. Keep doing that and you might even survive.”

 

A loud sigh. “But she killed you!” she stared at him for a long moment then looked away.

 

“I can’t die.”

 

“Okay.” Gray really did not like her almost pacifying tone.

 

“But I can’t.”

 

He needed her to know this strangeness, this mind fuckery would be her life if she said yes to his offer.

 

Now it was his turn to sigh. “Something happened to me. To me it was so long ago” but so long in the future. “Long story and far away. I was killed.” That Dalek didn’t miss. He always known deep down that he died that day. “And then I was brought back to life. Ever since then…I can’t die.”

 

“But how-”

 

“I don’t know.” He was sick of people’s ‘curiosity’ when it came to his immortality. Even if it is just genuine interest, and he honestly didn’t know how it worked.

 

“One day I’ll find the right sort of Doctor. And he can explain it, but until then…” He’ll find the Doctor, and hopefully fix him but it won’t be permanent. 

 

Gray doubted he could ever handle travelling with the Doctor or Rose again. Even if they didn’t mean to abandon him…

 

And he was responsible for Torchwood now.  

 

“Nothing kills you?” she said staring at him. This strange, gorgeous man who dressed plainly and knew so many terrible and wonderful things. 

 

“Well, it kind of freaks people out so…” Understatement of the century. “Best if you don’t say anything.” He’s been meaning to tell the others anyway, He’d rather it be on his terms. 

 

“It doesn’t matter anyway. You’ll wipe my memory again.”

 

“Why would I do that?”

 

Gwen sharply looked at him.

 

“Torchwood’s got a vacancy. A job going spare.” Gray looked at her with utter seriousness “Do you want it?”

 

“But what do you need me for?”

 

“Torchwood is an organization stained with blood and filled with broken soldiers Gwen Cooper. I swore I would change it. We need to be an organization our friends, partners, and families will look back on and be  _ proud _ .” Gray looked up to the early morning sky. “What do you think? Wanna join?”

 

Gwen’s answer came after a split second. “Yeah. I do. Yes.”


	5. Day One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If anything I write in this story does not portray asexuality correctly, please tell me and I'll change it.

Gwen immediately noticed the silence and sudden tension as soon as Gray left to check on some equipment.

 

It took her a second longer than she would’ve liked to realize they were all staring at her.

 

“So what has he told you?” Owen said setting down his beer bottle his voice utterly serious.

 

“What about?” she replied trying to sound casual.

 

“Himself!” Tosh clarified, looking eager.

 

“You’ve been here longer than I have.” Gwen stated looking at all of them with a confused expression on her face. Obviously they’d know more than her right? And from what she heard from him that night she saw them use that gauntlet that brought people back to life Gray wasn’t exactly secretive with the small facts. And surely once you get enough small details you can piece together something bigger about Gray?

 

Though who would believe that Gray had some friend that would love this planet because birth control fell from the sky?

 

Who would believe their boss was  _ immortal _ ?

 

Tosh, Owen, and Ianto looked at each other. 

 

“We were banking on you!” Tosh declared disappointment written all over her face.

 

“You’re a copper, you’re trained to ask questions.” Owen said turning his hands up in a questioning gesture.

 

“You don’t know anything?” Gwen asked for clarification. Of course they were having her on right? Suzie just died so of course they might not be the most receptive to her. Or maybe they knew more than what they were letting on. Or maybe they were testing her.

 

Gray obviously had a great deal of affection for these people, so why would he be secretive with them?

 

“Not who he is, not where he’s from. Nothing, except him being...um...what did you call it Tosh?” Owen questioned as he turned towards her.

 

“Asexual.” Tosh answered between bites of her food.

 

“Except him being asexual. And that he says some pretty weird shit sometimes. Also he’s apparently never heard of jeans and t shirts wherever he’s from. I have never seen him in anything other than those dress shirts and trousers he likes so much.”

 

“Asexual?” Gwen asked, and in all of what Owen talked about  _ that _ interested her the most?

 

“In all the time we’ve known him he has had no obvious desire to be intimate with someone sexually or romantically.” Tosh explained. “I looked it up once, Asexual is an umbrella term for people who have little to no desire to have sex. For Gray I guess that also includes romantic relationships too.” 

 

“Oh.” Gwen said sounding a bit disappointed, but then shook her head a little. What was she thinking? She was happy with Rhys and she sure as hell didn’t forget he roofied her.

 

“But he’ll do this annoying ‘elder brother’ act with you. He even has the ‘I’m so disappointed in you’ glare and everything! We think he probably has siblings.” Owen said next. “We have bets going on about whether he’s an older or younger brother.”

 

“I bet younger.” Ianto mumbled before shoving food in his mouth. Tosh and Owen both rolled their eyes.

 

“‘Elder brother act’?” Owen dawled and Tosh nodded in agreement with what Owen said. 

 

“We know he’s from America right? That could narrow the bet a little.” Gwen asked cautiously.

 

“We don’t even know that for sure.” Owen explained shaking his head. 

 

“No US citizen by the name of Gray Thane born in the last 50 years.” Tosh added poking the air with her chopsticks to make her point. 

 

“Maybe his identity is classified.” Gwen said reaching for more food and taking a bite.

 

“Used to be something big in the CIA, that’s what I reckon.” Ianto said speaking up again.

 

“Or he has something to do with a top secret alien related  _ thing _ . He talks about the 21st century in the past tense.” Owen said scowling at Ianto. “Maybe the CIA hid him away because he can see the  _ future _ !” he added with a sarcastic whimsical tone. Ianto just rolled his eyes and continued to eat his food.

 

“He must have his reasons for wanting to keep things secret.” Gwen declared finally. Gray obviously cares for his team a great deal, so if he’s keeping information about himself a secret he must have at least one very good reason to. 

 

“Sure he has. Doesn’t stop me from wanting to know what they are.” Owen stated as he looked at her with an intense look on his face as he took a sip of his beer. A look that was thoroughly ruined by what Tosh said next. 

 

“Maybe he gives you the Big Brother Act because you act like an annoying younger sibling.” Tosh said with a grin. Owen just vaguely swung the neck of his beer bottle in her general direction. 

 

Gwen thoughtfully took another bite of her food and their conversation abruptly ended by the sounds of sobbing.  

 

* * *

 

 

“Still here? Everybody else is off doing...whatever it is they do when they’re not here.” Gwen looked up from where she was taking the information about Carys to see Gray standing there with a soft smile.

 

“How long have you been there?” Gwen asked.

 

He gave a small shrug.

 

“I wanted to finish off.” Gwen explained shuffling through the papers.

 

“Will you do something for me Gwen Cooper?” Gray said after a few minutes of thought. 

 

Gwen sharply looked up, and fixed him an extremely cautious look.

 

“Don’t let the job consume you. Don’t let life distract you.” Gray said walking towards her as he uncrossed his arms. “You have a life beyond all of this. Don’t let this place break you. We need unbroken people here.”

 

She turned towards him with her hands on her hips.

 

“Who are you, Gray?”

 

He actually looked confused for a second. “I’m sorry?”

 

“You can’t die, you tell everyone the 21st century is where everything changes. That we have to be prepared…”

 

“So you do.” damn even that was probably too much. He was starting to get sloppy. 

 

“But how can you know?” Gwen demanded, all of her built up confusion about the happenings of the day was starting to shine through. 

 

“You think knowing the answers will make you feel better?” Because they won’t. Answers won’t make anyone here at Torchwood feel better, and he can’t tell people who he was anymore the way he did with Rose so long ago. The way he wanted to with the Doctor. He just  _ can’t _ and won’t dump those sorts of stories on anyone. 

 

There are only a certain amount of times your heart can be broken before you just have to keep every secret hidden.  

 

“Who are you?” Gwen asked softly. “What are you doing here?”

 

Gray stared for a moment. He wondered what Gwen meant when she said ‘here’. Torchwood? This city? This country? This planet? This time? Again, he can’t and won’t give her those answers. Like he said before. Torchwood needed unbroken people. 

 

“Go home, Gwen Cooper. Go home, hug your family, love them with all of your heart. Be normal with your wonderfully normal loved ones and never  _ ever _ let them go. For me.”

 

So Gwen left.

 

“You never know when you might lose them.” Gray whispered to the empty hub. He leaned against a wall, slid down, and hung his head.


	6. Ghost Machine

Gwen quickly found out that Owen wasn’t joking at all about Gray’s ‘I’m disappointed in you’ glare after all.

 

“We did try Gray.” Tosh explained as Gwen, Owen, and herself paused from unwrapping the food Owen brought. All four of them stared at each other for a long moment before Gray sighed loudly and pointedly then walking away. 

 

They were adults for God’s sake. Gray wasn’t (biologically) their older brother and they shouldn’t feel like errant children who stole a few biscuits before dinner! Gwen would’ve lamented how unfair it was that Gray made them feel this way, but she knew it would be just childish enough to prove his point.

 

They still followed him to wherever he was going now.

 

Tosh, Owen, and Ianto was probably right about him being a brother. Yet she’s getting mixed signals about whether he was older or younger. 

 

He made some sarcastic comment as they walked under the bridge and talked about replicating what Gwen experienced about oh since they apparently wanted something more exciting than finding a nineteen year old kid.

 

“One day, Gray Thane, your stupid ‘I know you can do better than this’ look isn’t going to work on us.” Owen said in a rather snarky tone of voice as he unknowingly rubbed his fingers on the button of the ‘Ghost Machine’.

 

Gray’s face twisted in horror at his comment. “God have I been doing that? If I do that again feel free to flip me off. I’ve been victim to that look too many times to ever feel comfortable-”

 

Owen didn’t hear what Gray said after that. First the lights on the machine distracted him, then he suddenly felt heavy rainfall all around himself. 

 

Gray, Gwen, Tosh were nowhere to be seen.

 

There was only a crying, pink clad girl as she mumbled about some guy being a rotten bastard.

 

He could feel how scared she was.

 

* * *

  
  


“You can’t obsess over this Owen.” Gray said after he pulled said man off to the side and away from the others when they were back at the Hub and Tosh found out what happened to the frightened, pink-clad girl. “There’s nothing you can do. You can’t bring this to court.” He added as gently as he could.

 

It was painfully easy to find out what happened to Lizzie that night.

 

Part of him hated himself for being surprised about how much this was bothering Owen. 

 

Not that he thought Owen was an awful person, he just thought he’d brush it off like he did so many other things. 

 

Maybe he wasn’t brushing anything off. Maybe he was just really good at hiding.

 

Gray definitely knew a thing or two about horrible situations and not being able to do a goddamn thing to make them even the slightest bit better. Story of his life really.

 

Not that he told Owen all of this of course. 

 

“Go home and clear your head. There’s nothing you can do about this and if you don’t let it go it can destroy you. I’ll go through your stuff to make sure you don’t bring anything about Lizzie home.” Gray paused before reaching over and hovering his hands over Owen’s upper arms in gesture that silently asked for permission. 

 

Owen shoved his hands away as he stormed off angrily.

 

* * *

 

 

Gray couldn’t help but wonder what he would’ve seen if he used the first piece of the device at the Boeshane Peninsula. Or on the TARDIS. Or at the Torchwood Hub.

 

Would the machine show its viewer the middle of the attack? Would it show the screaming and running and  _ fear _ of the people who were once his friends and family? Or maybe it would show the aftermath. Maybe it would show the grey oceans leading into sandy beaches littered with bodies and stained with blood. Would it also have shown the frightened little boy who ran all the way home screaming for his big brother only to find his father’s dead body and his sobbing mother?

 

Or maybe the happiness people experienced on those beaches were more powerful than all of that. Dad and Cloud used to play ball there all the time. His brother never got angry with him for interrupting his time with dad even though Gray knew that Cloud looked up to dad the same way he looked up to his big brother. 

 

He loved those beaches too. He used to lie in the sand and watch those pinwheels someone put there go around and around all day. 

 

Was those memories enough to overpower the fear and pain the Boeshane Peninsula would face for the rest of its existence?

 

(Gray doubted it)

 

Now all the love he once held for that beach was gone. And he could hardly handle seeing pinwheels or baseballs (or close equivalents) anymore. He never could explain to his team or Rose or the Doctor why he hated beaches so much.

 

He then wondered about the TARDIS. 

 

He liked to think the strongest memory there had something to do with the Doctor’s companions. In a positive way of course. Maybe the first time someone said the TARDIS was bigger on the inside? Or maybe him running around his console as he drove her to whatever adventure he was going to next? Maybe some somber moment? Maybe it would show Rose?

 

He knew the Doctor was a soldier. And that first time loving someone after you lost everything was always the hardest. 

 

Or maybe it would show someone dying, getting left behind, or maybe worse if possible.

 

Gray was unlikely to ever really forgive the Doctor for leaving him behind, but he did still believe in his affection for humans and the Earth. Additionally, he needed to  _ know _ what happened to him and whether he could fix it. 

 

Or maybe the strongest memory on the TARDIS is the Doctor traveling all of time and space alone? Or maybe right after he destroyed both Daleks and Time lords in a war that most believe is nothing more than a myth?

 

Who knew with the Doctor. Who knew what would be the strongest memory on his incredible time machine.

 

Before he was abandoned he once talked to the Doctor about names. Any species whose its people had to hide away their true names was something to be feared. 

 

What about Torchwood Three? What would be the most powerful memory in  _ his _ Torchwood?

 

He could only hope it was the happy memories here that were the strongest. Would it show this team? Or maybe Alex Hopkins’ team?

 

He hoped it was the former. He still couldn’t think about Alex and his team at the time without thinking about how they all died.

 

The strongest memory here was probably negative. Maybe his own terror in working for an organization that killed so easily, wanted to trap the Doctor, and could easily decide to torture him? Or maybe the strongest memory was someone else’s terror in this place. 

And he should not discount his employees. Maybe it was of one of Torchwood’s many operatives over the years, and the terror and death they experienced here?

 

It was probably negative and Gray hated that. This organization will be known in the future, and Torchwood could do so much good.

 

(He hoped if he did good enough in the future his brother might read about Torchwood and be...well he didn’t expect him to recognize him...still he wanted his brother to see  _ his _ Torchwood and think how cool it is and how much good it did)

 

Gray shook his head in an attempt to end his philosophizing and continued to finish paperwork.

 

* * *

 

Gwen, Tosh, Owen, and even Ianto walked to a nearby cafe and silently sat down.

 

Tosh in an attempt to give the others normalcy, since Owen was still thinking about Lizzie and Gwen was reeling from being a partial cause in someone’s death, quietly spoke about various things. Eventually she thought of something very interesting she noticed.

 

“I don’t think Ianto is wrong anymore about Gray potentially being a younger brother. Did you see his face when Owen mentioned his look? He was horrified! You only look that distraught if you're usually on the receiving end of one those glares.” 

 

Of course Owen didn’t see, but he didn’t feel like berating her for missing that fact.

 

“Told you so.” Ianto mumbled. He then winced at the quality of the cafe’s coffee after he took a sip.  

 

“I don’t completely believe he is younger, but i think it has more of a basis than it did before. Still it’s really interesting. He usually doesn’t let anything slip.” Tosh stated as she dug into her food. 

 

“Do you think there’s a reason that he did besides being uncomfortable with it Tosh?” Gwen asked before taking a sip of her coffee. 

 

“I don’t think so. He’s been doing that a lot lately, I mean letting things slip out.”

 

All four of them fell silent and ate their food.

 

Maybe if Gray was letting details about his life be discovered he was beginning to trust them. Perhaps they might finally meet his family!

 

And maybe it was Gray’s own discomfort about that subject whenever it was brought up that made her think that all of them, their leader included, were better off not knowing.


	7. Cyberwoman

Gray was trying very, _very_ hard not to be angry.

 

That was one of his flaws really. It was hard for him to forgive betrayals and even harder still to forget them.

 

Ianto Jones hid a Cyberman in his Torchwood. Ianto Jones hid his lover in his Torchwood.

 

A Cyberman, even a half-converted one, could have massive consequences for the world and even the universe. Yet Ianto only wanted to save the one he loved.

 

He just put potentially the entire world at risk just for the chance of saving Lisa Hallett.

 

Gray turned to Ianto as he mindlessly swung his legs over the pier only to see said man staring blankly into the ocean.

 

He’s seen this type of grief before. For a second he remember sand and blood; for a second he remember metal and darkness. He remembered his unresponsive friend as he gently touched a pile of dust.

 

“I don’t need to tell you why bringing her here was a shit storm waiting to happen.” He said not even bothering to censor himself. He was too frustrated with him to even try and he doubted Ianto would appreciate anything but brutal honesty right now.

 

“Are you going to fire me?” Ianto asked and Gray almost flinched from his empty tone.

 

“No.” he replied turning back to look at the sea.

 

Lisa was dead, the Cyberman was dead, and as much as it infuriated him Gray to admit everything Ianto did was out love.

 

Love did not excuse it, but it did explain it.

 

(He thought about if it was him and his brother in that situation. He honestly doesn’t know what he would’ve done, but he’s lived long enough to know that sometimes there is mercy in death. Lisa has been in agony ever since the Battle of Canary Wharf and she did not die herself. She did not die the woman Ianto loved.)

 

“I asked you haven’t you ever loved anyone. Why didn’t you answer?” Ianto asked still looking blankly at the sea.

 

Gray had to fight down a lump in his throat. “Because I don’t know I love anyone enough to risk the world for them.”

 

Ever since he became a soldier he’s had to make those decisions. You can’t save them all so save as many as possible. Try to keep collateral damage to a minimum. The needs of the many and all that bollocks.

 

The Doctor destroyed his entire race and the Daleks to save the universe. Gray’s own family died, went missing, and changed so long ago it was debatable what he’d do for even them.

 

He learned so long ago and too young that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter who you love you have to see to the safety of the majority first. The mission comes first always. It was the obvious choice no matter how much it hurts.

 

Ianto didn’t react to his admittance, yet seemed unsurprised by it.

 

“Have you ever had your heart broken like this? Have you felt like your entire world was ending and you couldn’t do anything and…” he trailed off.

 

“Yes.” Gray answered. He’s had his heart broken like that countless times. Enough that he was barely capable of being honest with who he was anymore.

 

(The last time he opened up so completely to anyone was Rose. And she was dead. Or not. Her name was listed when he looked through the lists of the dead but he won’t and _can’t_ believe she’s dead. It would break his heart again if she really was dead. Just the thought made his chest tighten with grief. He just had to wait and ask the Doctor.)

 

He’s kind of surprised Ianto asked. Especially after he admitted he wasn’t sure he loves or have loved anyone enough to risk _everything_ just for a chance…

 

He’d think someone would’ve decided he was a heartless monster. Ianto even called him a monster back in the heat of things when the Cyberwoman was loose in the Hub, but now Gray could only assume he was too broken to even be truly angry with him anymore.

 

Gray was desperately trying to not be angry with Ianto. He just lost his fiancée, the trust of his teammates, and his entire world seemed like it was ending.

 

He couldn’t punish him further beyond suspension. It probably felt like life was punishing him enough.

 

Gray knew the feeling.

 

“How did manage it? How did you move on? How did you _live_?” Ianto asked next and desperation coloured his words.

 

Gray had to bite back a sarcastic remark about the ‘live’ comment since he, of course, didn’t have a choice in that, but no one knew about that yet besides Gwen and now was not the right time to bring that up. Still, he knew what he was going to say.

 

“Torchwood found me.” It was true even though it made it seem...rosier than what actually happened. Torchwood found him when he was going mad with grief after coming to the conclusion he was mortal, but he was trapped those two mad women swooped in and infuriated him with their cruelty and limited views of alien life. His promise to reinvent Torchwood gave him purpose again when he was abandoned and hopeless. “I swore to give Torchwood honor again. I swore I would change them and that gave me reason to fight against the fuckery life was throwing at me again.”

 

“Why should I should I give my loyalty to the place that killed Lisa?” Ianto asked still not managing to even sound angry.

 

“Not loyalty. I was never loyal until I found people I could trust.” Gray winced a bit when the words came out of his mouth. He couldn’t help but remember how he found those same people years ago on New Years Eve. “Use us. Use us to heal and maybe you can find friends in us after all.”

 

Gray made a grave mistake when it came to Ianto Jones. He was...almost easy to ignore because he was good at his job and didn’t seem to have much to say, but now Gray was seeing how that behavior could’ve alienated him and made this entire mess even worse than it had to be.

 

“It is your choice.”

 

“No it isn’t.” Ianto said harshly. For the first time in this conversation he showed the faintest trace of emotion. Gray still didn’t know what that emotion was though. “If I quit I get retconned. I’ll lose memories of Lisa.” Ianto said his face twisting unhappily. He said it as if it was completely obvious. Maybe to him it was.

 

Gray wanted to ask why would that be so bad? That Cyberman wasn’t truly Lisa and Ianto wouldn’t remember the suffering his beloved endured. He could remember her as herself and not as a monster who killed and he could not remember her agony.

 

Maybe it was just a reflection of who Gray was when he thought that was better.

 

“I’m not sorry for killing her.” Gray said. He still had to do that one last cruelty. Then he continued “I _am_ sorry that she suffered, I am sorry Lisa died, and I am sorry you’re suffering.” Gray added as he leaned towards him and gently patted Ianto’s hand.

 

It was a testament to how badly Ianto was hurting when he did not even react to his words or his touch. He half expected to get another punch to match his still healing split lip.

 

“Back to work.” Gray said sharply sitting up and patting himself off just so his hands had something to do. He then leaned down and extended his hand for Ianto to take.

 

Ianto didn’t react for a moment but then turned to stare at the hand. After a moment more he took it and Gray pulled him up.

 

Gray didn’t immediately pull his hand away. He just gently squeezed it in an attempt to give Ianto some miniscule comfort and support but when Ianto heard someone walking towards their direction Ianto sharply drew his hand back.

 

Sometimes Gray forgets about the social etiquettes of this world and place over these past centuries. Which is is amazing really considering how long he has been here, but the customs here still befuddle and frustrate him. He wasn’t raised to believe physical affection was weakness or inappropriate or only to be shared in private or only to be shared by lovers and barely by family.

 

He shouldn’t blame Ianto really.

 

Ianto managed to twist his face into something neutral a moment later. He turned sharply away and started walking away. There were no words of apology or explanations and that suited the both of them fine. There was nothing more either of them could say about any of this anymore. Gray followed him.

 

They walked back to the Hub in silence.


	8. Small Worlds

It was strange for Gwen to be in this situation. 

 

Going to some event talking about some fictional creature and seeing Gray’s disdain for said creatures. 

 

Seeing Gray interact with this elderly woman who introduced herself as Josalyn Miller. His body language was...not as defensive around her. His smiles came easier. She was completely at ease around him too.

 

“Gray and I have always disagreed about folklore like fairies. He always saw the bad in folklore creatures and I always saw the good.” she was saying.

 

“They’re all bad.” Gray said firmly, but still gently as he shuffled through her pictures and slides.

 

Josalyn bumped him in the shoulder. “No, I refuse to believe that.” she said just as firmly and with a fond smile on her face.

 

“Well I suppose one person’s good could be someone else’s evil.” Gwen said suddenly in an attempt to break up any potential argument between the two. 

 

“That’s what his father used to say.” she said as a far away look descended over her face. She grinned. 

 

Gwen looked sharply at Gray while said man’s face became closed off. Another one of his secrets? What a bloody surprise. 

 

Josalyn quickly changed the subject and tried once more to convince Gray of the fairies being good. 

 

“Do you have anymore photos?” he asked with a grin in a clear diversion tactic. She obviously recognized it and smiled.

 

“Yes at home.”

 

“Right.” he said with a large smile. “I need to see them all.” 

 

This entire situation with the fairies and Josalyn and Gray was strange even by Torchwood’s standards.

 

* * *

  
  


Gwen knew as soon as the words left Gray’s mouth that picture wasn’t of his dad and that he was lying his arse off.

 

“He and Josalyn were quite a pair once upon a time. They were best friends and completely inseparable.” Gray explained as he put the picture back on the mantle. 

 

“Why did they part?” She asked. For all her ‘there’s a reason he’s keeping secrets’ she was being awfully curious now.

 

“It was wartime. He was posted abroad, she volunteered to work on the land. Just happened that way.”

 

Gwen stared at a picture of the two of them for a moment and left to find Josalyn.

 

She was easily found in the garden. 

 

“If you don’t mind me asking, did you know Gray’s father after the war?” 

 

“No we lost touch. Why?”

 

“Did all three of you ever meet? You, Gray, and his father?”

 

“Oh no, never. It would’ve been nice though. Gray’s family meeting mine. I would’ve adored introducing him to my husband and children.” She said shaking her head. “Gray contacted me a few years ago. I was so surprised. He’s so like his dad.” She said messing with a lavender flower. “Same walk and same smile. The same darkness too. I’ve been trying to tell him that happy endings do exist but he doesn’t believe me. I do hope his father is still alive. He’d be in his early nineties now…”

 

“You could always ask Gray about him.” Gwen said. 

 

“I have! But Gray doesn’t seem to want to talk about his father. He was like that too. He never willingly talked about any of his family. I was able to talk to him about anything and everything, but family was the one thing he couldn’t bare to talk about. Although, I was able to get him to admit he once had a uncle that-”

 

“Josalyn when you next see these creatures call us immediately.” Gray interrupted walking out of the house with a hand full of paper.

 

She nodded pacifyingly and rolled her eyes fondly. 

 

“Your kids are rubbing off on you. I’m serious when I say this. Night or day it doesn’t matter. Just call us. And be careful. it’s important to me.” 

 

“Gray I have nothing to worry about.”

 

“Just be careful. Please.” he said as he drew her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “Your husband wants to see you. It sounds like he wants to dispense affection onto you.” Gray added with a mischievous smirk.

 

“Oh that man! Can’t go a hour without…” She rambled on as she walked back into the house. 

 

“That’s Josalyn. Always complains about his affection but never turns it down.” Gray said with a smirk as he turned to Gwen.

 

Several minutes later they were ready to leave but just before then Josalyn had one last thing to say.

 

“Happy endings do exist Gray. It’s important that you remember that.” she said gently patting his cheek. Her husband stepped closer, thumped his back, and said with a mock fearful look that quickly dissolved into a grin “Better listen to her lad!”

 

Gray smiled but did not answer.

 

* * *

  
  


Gwen has never seen Gray grieve like this. She knew right down to her bones the truth when tears slid down his face that it wasn’t his father. Of course she knew that already. It was completely different to know something and see something that is so much the truth you feel it right down to your bones.

 

Gray was the one who was Josalyn’s best friend. 

 

She wasn’t quite sure why she said it to Gray anyway. She didn’t know why she was pointing out the obvious. Maybe it was just her way of processing all of this. 

 

Not only was her boss immortal, but he didn’t age either? There would be time to think about that later. The most important fact here is someone died. A human being died and she could feel sorrow for her family already. And her...boss? Friend? Gray was grieving right in front of her. 

 

“We once made a vow. That we would be with each other till we died. Laughable, isn’t it?”

 

Gwen wasn’t entirely sure what he meant when he said laughable. Was he referring to his immortality? Maybe how she died? Or perhaps it was everything going on with the fairies. She just wasn’t sure which one or which ones he was talking about. Maybe it was all of it.     
  


He placed a gentle kiss on Josalyn’s forehead after several long, agonizing minutes and then the both of them heard another car pull up in front of the house.

 

“That’s probably the husband. I’ll...I’ll go tell him.” Gwen said when Gray moved to lower her body. “Just...just wait here.” Gwen weakly said as she hesitantly patted his shoulder. She usually would’ve taken any opportunity not to have told family and friends their loved one was dead but Gray looked so miserable she felt like she needed to help. 

 

“No I can do it. Him and the kids would rather hear it from me.” Gray said gently placing her body on the ground again. “Stay with her?”

 

Gwen was still for a moment and then harshly bobbed her head. A part of her was glad. Another part was sick at her relief.

 

Both of them were silent for a long moment.

 

“I…” Gray feebly said. “I need a drink.”

 

He then turned the corner and walked resolutely to the front of the house. 

 

* * *

 

“Why are you talking to me?” Gray asked after he took a long sip of scotch. 

 

Ianto turned away from his archive work and just stared for a moment.

 

“I know there’s a lot of differences between Lisa and that girl, but…” Ianto frowned. “I don’t know why everyone is acting like this is the first time they’ve seen you do something like this.”

 

“You’re not pretending this is the first time you’ve seen me do something monstrous.” Gray clarified.

 

“Exactly sir.”

 

Gray didn’t coddle him when they talked on the pier a few weeks ago. So he was going to do the same.

 

“I...I don’t understand why the team thinks this is so different than Lisa. Yes Jasmine is a little girl. But Lisa never asked for what happened to her. In the end Jasmine  _ wanted _ to go with them. Everyone is acting like you forced her and she’s gone because of that.” Ianto paused and sharply sighed. He just didn’t understand why the rest of them were acting the way they were. 

 

In the end Ianto understood why Gray did it. Just as he understood why Gray murdered Lisa. 

 

Just because he understood doesn’t mean he had to be happy about it. 

 

Ianto went back to his archive work. “I’m sorry about your friend.” he said after several long moments.

 

“Thank you.” he replied and his voice was barely louder than a croak. Ianto didn’t bother to acknowledge his thanks. He did nothing more than what Gray did for him a few weeks ago.

 

Both of them startled at the sound of Gray’s phone. He quickly grabbed and and answered with a stronger sounding hello.

 

“Oh, Ellamae. How are...yeah bad question.” Gray said before he held the speaker away from his face and mouthed ‘middle daughter’ at Ianto. 

 

Ianto saved the work he was doing and left the room as soon as possible. He couldn’t hear what she was saying, but based of Gray’s replies he was trying to comfort her.

 

Gray was as upset as they were about Jasmine too. Yet it was a decision that no one else would’ve wanted to make. 

 

For the first time since That Day several weeks ago Ianto didn’t see Gray the monster. For the first time ever he didn’t see the action hero Gray pretended to be or the arrogant arse or the secret keeper. 

 

Ianto saw Gray. 

 

He leaned back on Gray’s office door to gather his thoughts. He remember what Gwen said earlier when she and Gray visited Josalyn’s home last night.

 

Maybe she was right. Maybe one of these days they were going to get a happy ending.

 

Or maybe they were all going to die horribly. That usually is the case when it comes to Torchwood.

 

He supposed they just had to wait and see.


	9. Countrycide

Gray knew there were various reasons why taking the team to the country on a mission to find missing people and see if the Rift was expanding was not a fantastic idea.

 

For one thing Owen was likely to complain the entire time, secondly this would probably fail in bringing Ianto truly back into team but any chance was better than none, thirdly Gwen would have far less chances in avoiding Owen, and finally the idea of camping just reminded him of childhood memories.

 

It was strange really. This should've reminded him more of his past with the Time Agency than badly-pitched tents on the rocky beaches of home and numerous walks to home and back because they forgot this or that. 

 

This mission wasn’t anything like that, yet he can’t help but reminiscent about those times. 

 

He couldn’t remember exactly what his brother’s grin looked like.   

 

* * *

 

 

“Christmas. You...haven’t had a snog since Christmas?”

 

Tosh stiffened at his incredulous tone. “No.” she said trying to keep her tone of voice casual.

 

Owen’s face changed and he mumbled something to the effect of “Lucky me.”

 

“So. What was yours?” Tosh asked him eager to turn attention away from herself. 

 

Owen smirked at Gwen and said woman’s face fell.

 

His smirk only grew when he saw her expression. “Gwen actually.”

 

Said woman could feel everyone’s eyes on her. Even Gray looked from paperwork from the driver’s side of the SUV when he heard what was likely going to turn into drama.

 

Sometimes he hates being the boss. 

 

“When was this?” Tosh asked.

 

“It was complicated.” Gwen weakly explained.

 

“It didn’t take you long to get your feet under the table.” Tosh muttered.

 

“What?” Gwen feebly asked. 

 

“Sooo...was it just a kiss or..?” Tosh abruptly said pretending she didn’t hear Gwen speak. Gray made his way over to where they sat.

 

“Tosh.” Gwen interrupted and her voice was stiff. “Leave it.”

 

The two women shared a look. All of them went silent for a long moment.

 

Sensing a much needed distraction Gray sat down in their little circle and waited to be dragged into the conversation. Owen did not disappoint. 

 

“Thane. If that’s your...thing.” Owen said pointing at him with a smirk.

 

“Romantic? Never. Sexual? Nope. Although If you think Tosh’s was bad, I haven’t had a kiss in over a hundred and thirty years!” Gray grinned mischievously. He knew they’d take his words as a bad joke or him just fucking with them.

 

He hasn’t kissed anyone since he kissed the Doctor and Rose goodbye.

 

Still, that wasn’t a road he wanted to go down on right now so he tried to not think about it.

 

“See I hate it when you say stuff like that.” Owen said as a frown overtook his face. “There’s easier ways to say ‘fuck off’.” 

 

Gwen, Tosh, Gray, and Owen laughed for a moment. 

 

“It’s my turn isn’t it?” Ianto said finally speaking up. The air seemed to get colder around them. “It was Lisa.” Everyone looked around with clueless expressions and it felt like the rug was pulled from under them.

 

“Ianto I’m sorry.” Gwen apologized.

 

“Sorry she’s dead or sorry you mentioned it?”

 

“I-I just didn’t think.”

 

Ianto smirked humorlessly. “You forgot.” he smiled at her.

 

She looked around at the others and took in their expressions. 

 

“We should get some firewood.” Owen said suddenly.

 

“I’ll give you a hand.” Gwen immediately volunteered.

 

Ianto looked up to see Gray’s sad expression. He sharply looked away.

 

* * *

 

“Don’t you ever get scared Gray?” Gwen asked. He knew that she was just scared. She didn’t seem to want to hurt, but what kind of question was that? .

 

Because of course he got scared. All the time and every single day since he was a small child who experienced loss on the Boeshane Peninsula. 

 

Of course saying all this wouldn’t help in this situation or help in his team’s confidence in him. There wasn’t any time to explain either even if Gray did want to share. Which he absolutely didn’t.

 

So Gray said nothing.

 

He spared one last glance at Gwen’s trembling hands as he hurried out of the door.

 

* * *

  
  


Gray quickly tied a piece of cloth around the man’s leg.

 

“That will help you for a short amount of time. Start talking.” he ordered as he threateningly leaned into his personal space.

 

Gray had no patience for his breathless stuttering and whines for substantial medical help.

 

“We had a deal. I help you and you tell me where they’ve taken everyone and what the hell is going on.” he growled.

 

He  _ laughed _ . 

 

“You don’t  _ know _ ?” he said between his giggles. 

 

Gray removed the cloth from his leg and fought him back down when he protested. 

 

“You need to know something about me. A long time ago I was pretty good at torture. I had the reputation as the go-to guy. My job demanded it at the time. I had a few anger management problems that really help with my technique and I think I’m feeling a sudden reappearance with said issues. Now I have even more things to be angry about.” Gray said with a malice-filled half grin. “Now I would hate to do something that would make certain family members and friends of mine ashamed…still I know where to apply the  _ tiniest _ amount of pressure to a wound like yours-”

 

“You’ve got to stop! You’ll kill me! Please don’t-!”

 

“You can make me stop at any point you please. Tell me what I need to know! You got 10 seconds until I’m going to find a sharp object…” Gray said pulling out his gun.

 

“All right! I’ll tell you everything! Just...stop.”

 

“Talk.” Gray hissed.

 

* * *

 

Gwen was silent the entire car ride back to Cardiff. She didn’t respond to anyone’s attempts at conversation. Owen tried bringing up the kiss they shared as a desperate attempt to get her to react then tried actually being nice but both attempts didn’t even cause the smallest of acknowledgements.

 

No one could blame her for her silence. All of them could easily admit this was on of the worst cases they’ve dealt with in awhile. 

 

It was humans. The gore and bodies and terror. The worst case they’ve had and the ones doing these horrible things evolved right here from on earth. 

 

Gray forgot about something when he hired her. He didn’t want broken soldiers anymore and Gwen was his way to change that. Gwen was supposed to be Torchwood’s first steps into changing. She was its first steps into being an organization that that can do some much good. He forgot something very important in his eagerness to change this institute. 

 

He forgot it may be Torchwood that breaks Gwen Cooper after all.

 

Gray never even considered it wasn’t Rift-related. He never considered it wasn’t aliens or a time-related force. He never even considered telling her half the time it was humans that were the biggest monsters of them all. 

 

Gwen saw what monsters humans could be and Gray was afraid that knowledge will break her.

How could he ever believe this organization could do good? It has only brought misery, trauma, and death to those who enter it. Both employee and prisoner alike.

 

It was even founded of mistrust and the idea that the Doctor was a threat. He was of course. Although the few humans he found worthy had little to fear. 

 

Gray almost surprised himself with the resurgence of his bitterness towards the Doctor. 

 

Maybe he just bitter that he could just go on his merry way to whatever adventure was next and he had to stay and clean up.

 

The Doctor travelled all of time and space, and it was Gray’s job to stay. To defend when he isn’t here and just do the dirty work that he can’t do. 

 

The Doctor’s appeal is that he goes anywhere and everywhere. Gray has to stay. 

 

He’s long given up trying to make up for anything he potentially did to make the Doctor abandon him and it’s been longer since he’s given up on receiving any pride from him either. 

 

People will know of Torchwood in the future. The 51st century will know of Torchwood. And Gray is terrified he’s never going to be able to change the organization into something to take pride in.

 

Gray and his team barely noticed when they got back to Cardiff. They barely noticed the next few days as they went through the motions of their lives. They barely noticed the fear in their heads and hearts.

 

They did notice Gwen going further and further away from them. They noticed her downward spiral.

 

They noticed when her and Owen came to work together one morning and they seemed...not happy exactly...but  _ better _ .

 

Of course they noticed that, and they’d have to be idiots not to see that they were sleeping together.

 

Gray couldn’t be angry with her because of how it seemed to glue her any cracks that might’ve appeared, but he did wish that the one normal thing he’s have to deal with wouldn’t be office affairs.


	10. Greeks Bearing Gifts

Gray sharply looked up from the alien tech he was studying.

 

Someone tried to get inside his mind. He felt someone else brush against his mental defences.

 

Toshiko stared at him and fiddled with her new pendant that she started wearing a few days ago. The same amount of days since she started acting strange. 

 

Her body language was open and he could clearly see on her face she was the culprit of this unexpected intrusion.

 

He felt her trying to get inside his mind. It made absolutely no sense because humans don’t gain any psychic abilities until thousands of years from now. He felt her trying to get inside his mind. It was utterly baffling to him. 

 

He stared intently at her for a moment, god her face looked so vulnerable and shocked, before trying to play it off like he had something on his face. He wasn’t sure if she believed his lie but he quickly covered it up with a sincere compliment before she scurried away.

 

Whatever telepathic abilities that pendant gave her it most definitely wasn’t human nor did she get it from Torchwood.

 

It was rather fortunate that keeping up his psychic barriers was a reflex by now. 

 

Toshiko has never had that training. If she has an alien artifact with telepathic abilities and someone behind the scenes pulling the strings then she was in deep trouble.

 

Gray hated telepathy. It was too personal, too invasive and people can find out about events and feelings that weren’t any of their business. He hated the idea of people finding out about Boeshane and his family and his past without him explicitly trusting them and him verbally saying it.  He hated to idea that someone could force that information out of him. Maybe that was just a leftover of the Time Agency and when telling anyone about home was unthinkable. Maybe he was apprehensive about any outside force messing with someone’s mind. He sure as hell wasn’t willing to let anyone telepathic or whatever around him after he woke up to the Time Agency’s theft of those 6 months.

 

It was still hard to believe that was over an century ago. And so far away in the future.

 

He couldn’t help but be afraid Tosh would hear something about his past. He loved his team, but he wasn’t ready to open up to them. He wasn’t sure he was ever going to be willing to tell him about himself. 

 

The point was he knew what telepathy can do to someone, especially if they had no training or defences against it, and he hated the thought of anyone on his team having access to and no way to block anyone out if it was used on them. 

 

He noticed the way she looked at Gwen and Owen over the last few days. He noticed Tosh looking at how close they were and their happiness in their familiarity. He noticed the way she stared at Ianto.

 

If she wasn’t careful this knowledge of things she shouldn’t know this power could destroy her.

 

* * *

 

“It’s funny.” Tosh said later as she gently held the pendant on a bench at the the Plass. Gray was silent beside her. “Such a small thing. Could be the most powerful piece of technology we’ve ever found. It could tear down governments, wipe out armies. What do we do with it?”

 

Her face was a mess of tears, snot, and guilt. He almost couldn’t imagine what she was going through at the moment. 

 

It made him almost regret killing Mary. Almost.

 

Killing his team’s girlfriends was becoming a habit of his and he’d laugh at the sheer absurdity of that fact if it wasn’t so bloody sad. Maybe he was just an awful human being or his team had awful tastes in lovers. Maybe it was just both.

 

“Your call.” he answered clasping his hands together as he turned around to look at her. He trusted Tosh. He trusted her decision on this. 

 

She gave small nods and shakes of her head while she stared at it for a long moment. “It’s a curse.” she said finally dropping on the ground. It shattered with barely any pressure from her shoe. She couldn’t help but feel almost betrayed by that fact. She felt almost betrayed that such a small device, the same device that made her suffer and almost completely ruined her, was so fragile.

 

Maybe it just reflected how fragile she was.  

 

Gray couldn’t help but sigh in relief at the sight of the broken glass. He hoped she would do that. He was so glad his trust and judgement of her wasn't misplaced. 

 

“You did good with it. You saved people’s lives.” Gray said as he looked at the broken glass.

 

“I couldn’t handle it. And...” Tosh said deliberately looking in front of her instead of down. She could hear the pendant crinkle and crack further beneath her shoe.  

 

“Few people can. Like you said Tosh, its a curse. It’s hard to know things you shouldn’t about people.” Gray looked up from the ground to her. “Owen will forgive you.” he said decisively.

 

Tosh nodded as she tried to hide how relieved she was by Gray’s statement.  

 

They sat in silence for several seconds before she just had to ask: “Why couldn’t I read your mind?”   
  


“Torchwood has some rudimentary psychic training. How to defend against telepathy 101. I had mental defences up.” Gray said as casually as he could. “Though I could feel you scrambling around in there.” he added with a laugh. 

 

Which wasn’t exactly a lie but close. That training was completely useless and he received actual lessons back at the Time Agency. 

 

He couldn’t tell her that. So he technically didn’t lie but he did by omission.

 

“But I got nothing. It’s like you were, I don’t know, dead.”

 

Ouch. He was glad he was turned away so she didn’t see his face fall. She didn’t even realize that was far too close to the truth than he would’ve liked. He quickly put a more neutral expression on his face when he turned back towards her.  

 

“I want that list for UNIT on my desk tomorrow, or I’ll-” He winced at his own obvious change of subject but stopped when he realized something. “What do bosses do in situations like these? You know, regular bosses? Do I get to beat people?” He asked when he grinned as he turned his true bafflement into a joke. Although his confusion made sense, he’s never been under normal employment before. 

 

They both laughed.

 

“We’ve got rules for that.” she said.

 

Gray made a show of pretending to be annoyed. “Red tape.” he stated. They both went silent before he sighed after a moment.

 

“Gray?” Tosh didn’t continue until she knew his attention was on her. “Something Mary said, probably the honest thing she ever did say…I asked her why she gave it to me and she said, “After a while it gets to you. It changes how you see people…”” 

 

Sensing that she was getting even more upset he hooked his arm around her shoulder. He couldn't but amazed of how heavy and big his arm looked there. Gray often forgets how tiny Tosh was.

 

“How can I live with it?” she finally said looking up at him. 

 

“There are some things we’re not supposed to know and things we aren’t ready for.” Gray said looking intently at her. “You got a small taste. Nothing more.” his voice was soft as he spoke to her. 

 

“I don’t mean about Gwen, Ianto, and Owen. I mean the whole world.” Tosh stopped after a moment then breathed heavily before saying, “Doesn’t matter.” 

 

Gray removed his arm from Toshiko for a moment and sat up. He held the side of her face for a moment before gently brushing her tear away and placing a kiss on her forehead. 

 

It was such a show of fraternal affection she was stunned into silence for a moment. She didn't even try to analyze it for hints of his past or his inner thoughts or for anything substantial about who he is.

 

She just knew he loved her and he didn't blame her for what happened. He still trusted her. 

 

Tosh almost felt guilty for not trusting him back. No that wasn’t right, he didn't really trust them in the first place. She knew Mary was manipulating her, but that did not mean she could ignore the fact she was right about one more thing besides the pendant changing people.  

 

None of them knew anything about Gray and he was very clearly hiding things from her and the team. It was a simple fact that could easily be used to plant seeds of doubt about the mysterious leader of Torchwood. 

 

Gray must've not noticed her internal debate because he rested his forehead on hers for a moment and, as if he heard her earlier thought, whispered “You’re not fragile at all. I believe in your strength, Toshiko Sato.” and he gave her one more smile. “But you don’t have to do it alone. Talk to me if you need help.”

 

He left a few moments later. Neither of them spoke another word to each other but Gray did give her an intense look before he left. There was no pity in his gaze. It was a look of...comfort and understanding. 

 

Tosh stayed behind on the bench to gather her thoughts and organize her chaotic feelings. She looked at the broken glass and metal and cord beneath her feet and felt like that within itself was a metaphor for something.


	11. They Keep Killing Suzie

Gray has learned in his hundred and plus years with Torchwood being called in for a murder investigation was a sign they were in deep shit. 

 

The police didn’t give them many details on the case so he didn’t have much to say to his team as they slipped inside their unmarked SUV.

 

Gray debated after the fall of Torchwood One engraving the name of solely  _ his _ organization now into the vehicle, but decided against it because it would defeat the purpose of Torchwood being a secret organization. He actually was surprised not everyone in Cardiff knew about it since its been here since the 1800’s and it came swooping in to handle the odd and unexplained.

 

Back to his original point: Gray liked to think he had a sense of subtlety.  

 

The hatred, fear, and disgust directed at him and his team was not subtle in the slightest. He could sense it as soon as he stepped out of the SUV.

 

It was the coldest reception Torchwood has ever received and it immediately put Gray on edge. 

 

A displeased looking woman walked their way and gave his team and SUV a sour glance. “You must be Torchwood. My team bitch about you all the time.”

 

Her reaction instantly put him on the defensive.

 

“Gray Thane.” he said holding out his hand. Introductions are always the times he missed the ‘captain’ part of his previous alias. “And you are…?”

 

“Detective Swanson. If you're looking for a fighter jet you're not going to find one here.” she said as an obvious dig against his short flight jacket.

 

“I have a World War II era RAF greatcoat if you prefer that.” Gray replied dryly. He never wore it. It was a bit too flash for his taste.

 

She just raised an unimpressed eyebrow with some derogatory comment he didn’t care to hear and went on to explain the details of the case.

 

* * *

 

Swanson’s blame towards Torchwood seemed awfully reminiscent of the Doctor’s uncompromising hatred of him when he first met him.

 

And just like the Doctor could've had every right to distrust him because of what could have possibly happened during his stolen time and accidentally almost destroying the human race, this may actually be Torchwood’s fault. 

 

It was the how that was uncertain at the moment.

 

Still he kept this fear out of sight from his team and worked the case. They were undeniably connected, but it might not actually be their fault.

 

It was a naive thought, but a naive thought Gray was tightly holding on to unless they find evidence that incriminates them.

 

No one was thrilled about Gwen suggesting they use the Resurrection Gauntlet, or as Ianto called it the Risen Mitten, but it did seem it would help in this case.

 

It was actually almost funny how said item never seemed to want to work for him. It was starting to feel like a conspiracy that both the gauntlet and Tosh’s pendant threatened to give his team hints of his immortality. 

 

At this rate he was going to be outed by some alien artifacts. Not really flattering to his abilities to keep a secret.

 

Gwen volunteered to try it after the team’s failed attempts and Gray could taste her fear. He placed his hand gently on her arm in a gesture of silent comfort. 

 

Later once Alex Arwyn was dead again all they were able to get was a unwelcome reminder of Suzie and a sick feeling in all of their guts. 

 

* * *

 

Despite Gray trying to reinvent Torchwood, the organization could never be seen through a rosy lens. 

 

He wanted to make people proud with it, but it could never be a place that could be the most morally upstanding. Despite his...acquaintance with the Doctor, he’s long stopped thinking it was love or even friendship, he would be the first to admit he could be too self-righteous at times.

 

And as much as he still loves Rose she wouldn’t understand either. 

 

Searching Suzie Costello’s storage unit only served to prove to Gwen again that Torchwood was too cold. 

 

Gray just thought sometimes, as a Torchwood operative, you needed to be too cold. He didn’t want soldiers anymore but that doesn’t mean one doesn’t still have to make hard decisions. 

 

Gwen touched the photo of Suzie and her father.

 

“Did she talk about him a lot?” she asked after Tosh explained that Suzie deleted any information about herself and her dad had no idea she was even dead.

 

“Never.” Owen said. “None of us talk about family here.” 

 

She sharply looked away from the photo and glared at Gray. 

 

He could already feel that this case wasn’t going to give her a positive view of Torchwood, nor will she look at this case in a sensible way.

 

Tosh handed him a Pilgrim brochure a few moments later.

 

He told his team to be respectful to Suzie and these remnants of her life, but there was only so much respect you can afford to someone who’s tied to a murder case.

 

Gray couldn’t help but feel that it’s disrespectful to bring her back despite his own circumstances and the liberal way the used the gauntlet before.

 

* * *

 

While Gray didn’t think they consciously knew this, he could tell part of their disgust with Suzie was because she was a living corpse. 

 

Of course they written it off as exclusively disgust for her murdering people.

 

He almost found it funny. Would they react the same way if they knew he was a corpse hundreds of times over?

 

Still. Suzie had no right to be disgusted with her state or be upset about the others fearing her. He legitimately has no idea what she was thinking when she casually talked to the others or groaded Gwen.

 

He’s had a bad feeling about this case ever since he saw ‘Torchwood’ written on the Arwyns’ wall. Of course that feeling was justified as their situation deteriorated, but he could almost sense something even worse was coming. 

 

* * *

 

Gray was instantly not in the mood for whatever Gwen was upset with him about the moment she stormed into his office.

 

She stood there for a moment waiting for him to say something but her patience quickly ran out when she glared at his defiant expression. 

 

“Takes me a while to piece things together.”

 

“Meaning?” Gray replied raising an eyebrow. He’d love to hear this.

 

“Suzie had the glove. You put her in charge of it. But tell me Gray did you ever ask her about her father?”

 

No actually. No one talked about family here. It was unspoken agreement in Torchwood. Family was private, family was off limits to discuss and separate from the blood splattered organization they work for.

 

She was acting like he didn’t care to know about the people who were so fundamental to who his team was as individuals. 

 

Sometimes he didn’t know if it was a blessing or punishment that no one talked about family here. Sometimes Gray can’t help but think he doesn’t deserve to know.    
  


“Where are you going with this?”

 

“He has cancer. He’s been dying slowly for years. And what do you do? You give his daughter the one device that brings people back to life. Is it any wonder she got obsessed?

 

“Oh so it’s all my fault?” Was she implying he shouldn't trust his employees to do their jobs?

 

“Well isn’t it! Don’t you ever stop and think? Did you...did you ever look at Suzie? Did you ever think what that glove would do to her? Did you?”

 

“Right from the start, you thought Suzie’s death was because of you. ‘Cause it happened because you arrived. Then you brought her back to life, all the way, because you wanted it so much. Okay? We’re both responsible.” Gray paused from his rant. He didn’t even realize how angry and defense he was in the face of Gwen’s blame until that moment. “Now what the hell are we going to do with her?”   
  


“I don’t know.” She said softly and all her earlier bluster was gone.

 

Gwen pushed herself off her leaning position on his desk and turned away.

 

“What if she never dies? Have you thought about that? Like, undying forever, just you and her.”

 

“No way.” The thought of it almost made him sick.

 

“Could be.” Gwen shot back easily. 

 

“I wouldn’t wish that on her. I’d sooner kill her right now.”

 

“Could you though? Kill her?”

 

“Yeah.” he said with all the honesty he had when he told Ianto he wasn’t sure he loved anyone enough to risk  _ everything _ .

 

“Really.” Her sarcasm was almost tangible.

 

“Oh, yeah.” He said. There was no hiestance or fear in his words or expression.

 

Their conversation was interrupted by Owen’s call to the conference room. 

 

They still glared defiantly at each other.

 

* * *

 

Gray liked to think he was a sensible person. 

 

Still, asking Swanson for help wasn't his idea of fun.

 

“I'll grovel or beg or whatever you want, but my teammate is in danger.” he said to hear even as the words seemed to burn his tongue. 

 

Thankfully she didn't want anything besides admitting to everyone in her department that they were locked in their own base and can't get out, yet another reminder he really needed to update the systems and one would think he would've learned his lesson after the Cyberwoman, and finally they had help. 

 

Gray said a quick thank you and hung up the phone. 

 

* * *

 

‘Death by Torchwood’ he told Ianto when he asked about what to put on Suzie’s (second) death certificate.

 

Death by Torchwood. 

 

That was the legacy of this organization. It was the legacy of his organization. 

 

He always knew this path was drenched with blood and shame, and maybe despite his best efforts he was wrong about whether he can make the Torchwood Institute something to be proud of.

Gray would admit Torchwood needed to be too cold sometimes to face the worst of what the Rift could give them. It needed to fight dirty to face the changes that was going to shatter the worldview of every single 21st century human. They...they didn’t need the senseless violence that Alice Guppy and Emily  Holroyd used in their Torchwood. 

 

It seemed like life was determined to show he can’t change Torchwood. Or maybe it was himself that he can’t change.


	12. Random Shoes

21st century humans are so fragile. It was always at the strangest or saddest moments Gray remembered this, and it was always an unwelcome slap in the face. He supposed he forgot it easier because of his immortality.

 

He watched Eugene Jones’ body with a sad sort of acceptance.  

 

It was a reminder that humanity’s biggest and best advances were still in the future, and that humanity’s greatest age was still so far away from now.

 

Despite the human race’s future magnificence there was still the body of young man, barely more than a boy really, forgotten and discarded on the side of the road.

 

He could understand Gwen’s obsession with Eugene’s death. It was still something she can’t 

change though so that obsession is pointless. 

 

No one could change death, nor could they change the tragedy associated with it when it was cut short. 

 

(Except for something about him)

 

It was strange though. Usually she doesn’t get quite so obsessive about a single death with little alien interference. It was a death beyond Torchwood’s control and jurisdiction. 

 

Something about this case just felt...off, something about this felt odd. 

 

“Gray!” Tosh yelled from inside the SUV. “Coming?”

 

He turned on his heel and headed to the rest of his team.

 

* * *

 

“I suppose you’re tired of people telling you how to feel about all of this.” Gray said after he was finished with the questions he had for the younger Jones’ brother. 

 

Everyone had doubted his family knew much of the alien eye they were looking for, but it was still beneficial to check anyway. 

 

The reason he stayed to talk is because he knew what it was like to be a left behind brother. 

 

“Duh.” Terry said not looking away from the television program on. His blank expression was concerning, although it was almost funny how much the boy honestly befuddled him. He would’ve let Gwen talk to him too but she was already so busy comforting Eugene’s hysterically crying mother. 

 

It was almost funny. It was the first time he’s seen so personally a mum so completely distraught over the loss of her older son. 

 

He shouldn’t be cruel to his mum. He knew better than anyone that every person deals with grief differently. 

 

A humorless smirk spread across Gray’s face. He quickly hid it as he just continued to talk to Terry. “Thought so. I know I was when my elder brother disappeared.”

 

He had no idea why he said that, and the words felt like poison in his mouth.

 

He still can’t admit his brother was dead or worse. Or better, oh god he hoped his brother was safe and happy wherever he was now. It was the only consolation he could give himself when he finally gave up on ever finding him. His thoughts shied away from that fact.

 

“Well your brother probably wasn’t a disappointment.” Terry blandly said. 

 

Terry looked surprised that Gray didn’t automatically tell him off for speaking ill of Eugene. Gray sure knew he had some unflattering perceptions of his brother when he reached some of the lowest parts of his life. He himself and his team used to make fun of Eugene all the time, so it made sense others would too. Terry was probably even more upset that suddenly no one would put him down anymore just for being dead. If he was Eugene he knew he would hate the pity he was getting in both life and death. 

 

Gray finally spoke again. “No he wasn’t. That last time I saw him no one would consider him a failure. Still didn’t make it easier that he was gone because...” Gray trailed off and had to try and hide a grimace. His brother disappeared because he was protecting him. His brother did exactly what the adults wanted him to do and he was gone because of it. “I just wish people would have recognized how great of a brother he was without having to…” 

 

Gray wouldn’t finish. He _ couldn’t _ .

 

Terry finally looked away from the tellie and looked at him for a long moment before turning his attention to the television once again.

 

He looked years older.

 

Neither of them said anything else. 

 

* * *

 

After Eugene’s funeral Gray sat in his office pretending to do paperwork when in actuality he was...thinking.

 

Human beings were so fragile. The human body was innately fragile in body, mind, and soul and that never changes in all of the history of the human race. Even with all the medical advancements humans achieve human would never stop being so breakable. It was amazing and heartbreaking at the same time.

 

It was incredible to be so fragile and to try to just live despite it. To live for all the small, strange things people fill those amazing lives with.

 

All of that was lost to him. He doesn't appreciate the small things anymore. Gray can admit to himself that he’s forgotten how absolutely amazing a ‘normal’ life could be. 

 

Of course he had. Even before he became immortal the last time he experienced normalcy was when he was small child, and then it was destroyed right in front of him.

 

Gwen almost got hit by a car today. And because humans, 21st century ones especially, were fragile she could've died. He wondered if she was scared to die now in an terribly underwhelming way.

 

He could understand if she was. After working with such amazing items and terrifying creatures who wouldn’t be even more afraid to die from something silly. 

 

Everyone he has ever met and known were going to be gone. Some of them were probably going to die too early. 

 

His brother was going to die, if he hasn't already, someday too. 

 

He did not value his own life the way other people did, and why would he since he can come back from anything?

 

Gray misses the ability to appreciate all the small things that made a human life incredible. He misses the value of the complicated lives simple creatures like humans have. 


	13. Out of Time

Back at the Time Agency they would give their agents training for how to handle being displaced in time. 

 

Of course that displacement is, usually, not permanent and the agents volunteered to join the agency in the first place. 

 

Gray wouldn’t wish being suddenly displaced in time without any training, consent, or resources on anyone besides the greatest of his enemies.

 

Diane Holmes, John Ellis, and Emma Cowell weren’t his enemies. They were the lastest of a long line of people whose lives were ruined by the Rift.  

 

Gwen’s optimism that ‘at least it wasn’t a spaceship full of aliens’ rubbed him the wrong way. He knew better than anyone that would’ve been more cut and dry than explaining to three lost people they just lost everything they’ve ever known. There is no easy solution to temporal displacement. 

 

He wished it was spaceship full of aliens rather than these three scared 20th century humans.

 

How awful that knowledge that all they have left of friends and family and their time was pieces of paper and technology. 

 

Gray hated time displacement rehabilitation the most. He knew better than anyone how hard it could be to be permanently trapped in a time so different than one’s own and the emotional fallout that follows. These people have to deal with the loss of their entire world and try to keep the fact their out of time a secret. 

 

He sighed tiredly when he was out of earshot of their guests and then went to direct them to their temporary living quarters. 

 

* * *

 

“I was going to close a deal on a shop in Dublin tomorrow.” John Ellis said as he unpacked his things. Gray stood near the door to make sure he was fine. 

 

“What do you trade in?” Gray asked with a smile. The idea of John mentioning his deal in the face of total loss seemed so human. The idea of a shop period sounded so wonderfully simple to him. 

 

“Uh, food, knick-knacks, essentials.” he said before messing with a radio. 

 

“What are you after?” Gray softly asked as he walked closer and leaned towards the device.

 

“A bit of music.”

 

He messed with the controls and finally got the radio to work. Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata filled the room’s empty space. It still wasn’t enough to clear the loss that hung over John now.  

 

John cleared his throat before showing a camera to him. “There’s, uh, photographs of my family in here.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do.” he told him sincerely as he gently took the camera. What he would give for photos of his family before That Day…

 

“Don’t worry Mr. Thane I’ll look after the ladies.” John said before holding out his hand for Gray to shake.

 

God John reminded him of himself. Lost in time, distraught, and afraid yet trying to move on for the sake of others. 

 

“Call me Gray.” he said with a smile.

 

* * *

 

Usually Gray would’ve been more upset about being blown off like that. Especially when it came to keeping  _ this _ , the Rift, and Torchwood out of public knowledge.

 

John wasn’t a part of his team and not trained to deal with anything like this and he was right. In everything he has lost such as his innocence to the Rift, his family, his home, his livelihood, his friends, and his knowledge of the world he lives in his name truly was the only thing he had left.

 

Gray could relate. He could’ve taken another name after he was trapped on earth, but he didn’t because it was reflective of how he changed after he meet the Doctor and Rose. 

 

(He felt a breathless pang when he thought of Rose. Oh god he could only hope there was a mistake on the list of the dead)

 

It was the name his brother knew him by. It would be the name immortalized with Torchwood and all the things associated with it no matter whether it was good or bad. 

 

He can’t take the only thing he had left away from him even if it was the wiser option.

 

“You’re right, I didn’t think. You should keep your name.” he told John as he out his hands on his upper arms. 

 

* * *

 

Gray could feel the atmosphere change as soon as he finished his ‘ever the businessman’ comment.

 

There was a long pause before “That’s an American accent isn’t it?” 

 

“That’s right.” Gray said not volunteering anything else.

 

“So how did you end up here? Doing whatever it is that you do.”   
  


Gray looked at his water and gave a small, humorless smirk. “It’s a long story.”

 

“I’m a slow drinker.” John said as he lit up his pipe

 

Gray breathed deeply.

 

“You know everything about me what’s the problem?” 

 

“It gets kinda complicated.” How would he even begin to explain Boeshane, the Time Agency, the Doctor and Rose? And that was too much and too tragic of information to share with someone he just met and was grappling with his own grief. 

 

“What, did you fall through time too lad?”

 

“Yes.” Gray almost looked startled by his own declaration. “You can say that.” he added after a long moment.  

 

It was odd that these facts about himself seem to slip by increasingly easier.

 

John gave him a look of understanding before he held up his glass for a silent toast. It took him several seconds to process the ‘lad’ statement. He must look young compared to him.

 

Gray easily obliged. He was relieved John didn’t seem to push the conversation further.

 

While they were putting their coats on John had more to say. “It must’ve been an awful Christmas for them, thinking I’d drowned.”

 

Gray only nodded as he adjusted his coat’s collar. 

 

“I just want to know what kind of life he had, my son. He might have kids. I could be passing my own flesh and blood on the streets.” John stopped and Gray followed his lead. “Find him Gray. He’s all I have left.” he demanded before walking away.

 

Another thing Gray had experience in besides being displaced in time was wanting to find a lost family member. 

 

He just hoped that John could handle what he might find. 

 

(Of course he couldn’t. If he found out something awful happened to his brother he wasn’t sure even he could handle it)

 

* * *

 

It didn’t take a genius to realize what John was intending to do when he went home.

 

His suspicions were confirmed when he opened the garage door to find it filled with carbon dioxide. 

 

He quickly pulled him out of the car despite John’s protests to ‘let him go’.

 

“You can’t just throw it away, not without trying.” he said, desperation colouring his voice as he pressed the other man against the car.

 

He’s seen this before. He’s seen this so many times and he’ll be damned if he lets it happen again.

 

“I’m not as strong as you. You don’t understand.”

 

“I do! I do John! I was born in the future. Lived in your past. My time is gone too! My brother is gone and I have no idea what happened to him. I’m scared to find out.” the words came out without any regard for consequence besides the slightest chance it might inspire John to survive. He can’t, he  _ can’t _ let John do this. 

 

“Why are you doing this? Speaking to me in bloody riddles, keeping me here when my wife is dead, my son a shell?” 

 

“John, you’re still young. You can get work, make friends, start a family.”

 

“I did all that, Gray.” John started breathing easier. “Years ago, when I was meant to.”

 

Gray’s arms slipped to his sides.

 

They both did not speak for a long time. 

 

“I wish I could say something-” 

 

“There’s nothing to say or do.”

 

Gray turned to face him. “I can’t leave you here.”

 

“Then we’ll wait.” John sighed, “The sun will rise, we’ll have some breakfast, take a walk.”

 

“Yes. A new day.” Gray reminded him.

 

“And I’ll suffer it all and smile and wag my tail. And then as soon as your back is turned, I’ll make sure I do it properly.” John said walking towards him, deceptively calm to hide his internal pain. “Because I want to die.”   
  


“You don’t get reunited John.” he started walking closer and added decisively “It just goes black.”

 

“How do you know?” John simply asked.

 

“I died once.” more than once but now was not the time to bring that up. His face was utterly serious and John knew Gray wouldn’t give him anything but the absolute truth the way he knew it.

 

He frowned slightly. “Who are you?”   
  


“A man, like you, out of his time, alone and scared.” Gray said slowly. The last part was added after a moment.

 

“How do you cope?” 

 

Gray didn’t know whether the question was rhetorical or not. He answered honestly anyway.  

 

“It’s just bearable. It has to be. I don’t have a choice.” It was true. Even if he wanted to he couldn't kill himself. He's tried.

 

“But I do. If you want to help me, let me go with some dignity. Don’t condemn me to live.” John asked. He didn’t beg, he didn’t plead. He calmly asked, but Gray could still feel his underlying desperation. 

 

Sometimes living is the greatest torture someone could endure. 

 

“Are you scared?” he whispered finally.

 

“Yes.” he replied just as quietly.   
  


* * *

 

Gray held John’s hand as the car slowly suffocated the both of them. 

 

He assured John that he would be okay. He didn’t think he completely believed him, but he was so scared and and so alone and so eager to die he likely didn’t care enough. 

 

Gray knew what it was like to die alone. Even with the knowledge that he would come back he still hated dying without anyone. Although most of the time he had to. People usually freaked out at the waking up part.

 

Still, he’ll happily walk into hell if he lets him die alone and scared.

 

Once he didn’t hear John breathing anymore he let the hand slide from his. It reminded him of That Day when his brother fell. He could almost hear his brother’s screams to hide. 

 

It took Gray several minutes to process all of this. He only heard his own breathing and the car’s engine. He felt tears in his eyes but they didn’t fall.

 

He held John’s hand from its fallen position for a few seconds before carefully placing it on his leg. His own hand was trembling. He exhaled sharply. It was almost a sob. 

 

He couldn’t look at John’s body. 

 

It was a testament of his failure. It was a testament to how he can't save a single person. He couldn't save his family or friends or good people or even himself.

 

In the end not even their similarities was enough to remind him that he wasn't alone and he could live. 

 

He hated time rehabilitation in both the Time Agency and Torchwood because of this. Sometimes they remind him of himself. Sometimes they can't make it. Sometimes they won't make it.  

 

Sometimes the Rift destroys them and there's nothing left.

 

He loved travelling time and space. He still knew the numerous ways to could completely screw someone over. 

 

Maybe Suzie was at least partially right. Torchwood Three only got trash and tragedy from the Rift.


	14. Combat

Gray found out soon the next day that he wasn't the only one whose heart got broken by one of those displaced people who just couldn't stay. 

 

God why didn't he see it before? It was so obvious the way Owen was acting him and Diane had  _ something _ between them, and the way Owen told them she was gone made  it incredibly obvious then and there.

 

All of them are gone now. John dead, Diane displaced once more, and Emma off to find her own way.

 

The Rift was just the gift that kept on giving.

 

To say there was a heavy shadow hanging over all of them after Christmas was a massive understatement. The last thing Gray needed was more reason to hate the Christmas/New Year holiday season. 

 

The shadow fell heavier on Owen. Gray hasn't seen him like this since Katie died and he was nearly bursting with grief as his world kept shattering right in front of him. Maybe that's why he was taking Diane’s departure so harshly. This is the second lover he's lost. 

 

They all still went on with their lives. They had to. 

 

(Except Owen, but Gray didn't find out how badly he was coping until later)

 

* * *

 

Against what he told her on her first day Gray knew Gwen was drifting even further away from her life beyond all of this. She was drifting away from Rhys. Gwen Cooper was going to be trapped adrift in a sea of the tragedy and ruin that only Torchwood brings if she doesn't do something about it soon.

 

You never knew when you were suddenly going to lose someone you love.

 

She had the life Gray stopped dreaming of so long ago. He was left only with the hope that she wouldn't waste it on Torchwood.

 

God knows the organization didn't deserve it.

 

* * *

 

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Gray said as Toshiko suddenly felt herself being pulled backwards and away from following wherever the weevil was going.

 

It was almost strange how upset she felt seeing the creature getting kicked and was dragged into the van. Up until a few hours ago she didn’t even know Gray called it (or was it her?) Janet.

 

“Got a signal?” Gray asked when the van was driving away.

 

“Yeah.” Tosh replied looking down at her device. She didn’t speak for a long moment but when she did she knew it couldn’t wait any longer “Just so I know where we stand, we would never deliberately put a human being through that. But weevils are fair game is that right?” she demanded furiously. 

 

“Tosh I’d love to talk to you about the innate rights of weevils but we need to follow them.” Gray said and she honestly didn’t know whether he was being sarcastic or not. And he was avoiding the question which was so bloody typical of him she wanted to scream. 

 

“God you’re a bastard sometimes.” She said as she watched the SUV pull up sharply behind them.

 

Gray sighed heavily. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

 

* * *

 

“You shouldn’t have.” Owen said after Gray threw a bag of grapes on his hospital side table and gave him his most disapproving look. After a side glance Owen continued with “No, really, you shouldn’t. I hate grapes.”

 

Gray gave a small chuckle, but any amusement over the situation quickly died.

 

“Doctors reckon you can go home.” Gray said after a moment.

 

“Doctors...what do they know, eh?” Owen mumbled. What did anyone know really?

 

“In my experience, not a damn thing.” Gray said, his voice tight and let out a breathless (heartbroken) laugh. Owen turned to look at him and saw a smirk devoid of all humor spread across his face, but he was far too broken physically or emotionally to even acknowledge that badly hidden heartbreak. Gray shifted uncomfortably as soon as the words left his mouth. God he was getting far too sloppy when it came to revealing personal information. At this rate he might as well tell them his whole fucking life story at this point.

 

Owen broke the silence. “I didn’t want saving.” Owen said looking intently at Gray.

 

He was surprised when Gray looked away with a look of understanding on his face. Gray didn’t like this, but he  _ understood _ where he was coming from. It would’ve been a lot more touching if he hadn’t purposely ignored his wishes then on this subject. 

 

Gray did seem rather apprehensive when dealing with John, Emma, and Diane when they first stepped off their plane. Now Owen knew why.

 

Anyone could see Gray’s fear of the Rift and now Owen could understand why. 

 

Maybe Suzie was right, back when he watched the CCTV footage of her death, maybe they only did get tragedy and trash. All of this finally made it sink in that nothing good will ever come of the Rift. The Rift would never stop taking from him and it all started with Katie and that goddamn alien killing her.

 

“You want us to apologize?” Gray said after thinking over the words for a moment. Owen knew the question was redundant even before he finished saying it. Owen didn’t want an apology and Gray didn’t want to say one. Between his disappointed look and condescending understanding Owen knew what was happening and the last thing he was in the mood for was his bloody big brother routine. If Gray tried to pull that he was sure he was going to get up from this hospital bed injuries be damned and snap his fucking neck. 

 

Although he could use Gray’s own act against him. To Owen families knew even less than doctors did.

 

“For a few seconds in that cage, I felt totally at peace. And then you blunder in.” The words were harsh and intense and the both of the could feel the air surrounding them get colder. Owen felt the smallest spark of satisfaction between the numb heartbreak at Gray’s horrified expression. “Do you always know best Gray? Is that what you believe?” The words felt so good. The words showed every bit of his resentment over Gray’s power over them both as a leader, a very secretive one at that, and a brother figure.

 

He never asked Gray to act like family and he never would. Even the word leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

 

Still, he was too heartbroken and numb to appreciate this ‘fuck you’ to Gray. He looked away. 

 

“I want you back into work tomorrow.” and then he left without another word. Owen only watched in mild confusion at the sudden departure before turning his head to stare in the distance once more. 

 

* * *

 

Gray could not stand to face Owen’s words a moment longer. Especially surrounded by people who shared the Doctor’s title. It was a silly thing to be so upset over, but every second he spent there he could feel his chest getting tighter and tighter. 

 

It also didn’t help matters that his flaws and failing thrown in his face so deservingly. Not only with Owen only moments ago but with Tosh last night over Janet. 

 

The thing was, after That Day back at Boeshane, Gray Thane could not stand the idea of loving someone enough to die for them. 

 

He may have risen from the anger he felt at his brother back at some of the lowest parts of his life, but he still couldn’t help but find sacrificial narratives in part selfish. 

 

His brother told him to run when he couldn’t protect him anymore and since then Gray has carried the guilt and loneliness that decision gave him everyday of his life. The choice was taken out of his hands by his brother and he has carried those consequences with him. 

 

He knew better than anyone how much  _ life  _ can be a burden.

 

And he done the same thing to Owen. He resents him even more than he did before and Gray couldn’t blame him.

 

Despite that he couldn’t have let him die, he couldn't have let someone he loved die right in front of him when he had the power to stop it. 

 

Yet, here he was forcing Owen to carry heartbreak with him. Now Gray was the selfish one. 

 

Nothing about this situation didn’t make Gray want to punch the nearest wall over and over until he’s felt like he’s paid for his misdeeds. 

 

Gray failed not only John but also his team and he knew they would suffering the aftereffects of those failures for quite a while longer.


	15. Captain Jack Harkness [Redacted]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A thing I'm going to start doing is when the episode title doesn't fit the story I'm going to add '[Redacted]'.

Granted, he may have overreacted a bit when he finally stepped in to rescue Tosh from her dance partner.

 

Although no one really liked being pushed around. 

 

Thankfully all of it was stopped with a ‘cut it out kiddo’ from what Gray assumed was his commanding officer. Captain if Gray was reading his uniform correctly. The captain gave a explanation of his men’s ‘liveliness’ and an offer on alcohol.

 

After George apologized and the music started back up, the captain walked up to Gray and Toshiko.

 

“Hey, you a volunteer too?” he asked.

 

“Yeah.” which at one point it  _ wasn’t _ a lie. 

 

They both started introducing themselves at the same time before laughing.

 

“You go first.” Gray said casually pointing at him.

 

“I’m Captain Mark Emmet 113th Squadron.”

 

Tosh watched in morbid fascination when Gray’s face changed from happy to horrified and she knew something was very wrong when he didn’t even react to a camera going off. 

 

* * *

 

“Why did you get upset when you heard that man’s name?” Tosh asked after both of them introduced themselves and Gray dragged the both of them away quickly. “I'm lost enough here without you holding back on me!” when he, of course, refused to answer her question.

 

“I-” he said and did surprises never cease. Was he actually going to say something this time? Granted she has never seen him so shaken. “I stole his name. A long time ago.”

 

“You have your own name! Unless Gray isn't-”

 

“Gray is my birth name. I stole his name and disregarded it when it no longer was useful.” he spat out seeming angry at himself. God if Tosh already thought Gray was a bastard what would've she thought of the Gray who stole names and almost destroyed the whole of humanity?

 

He threw away the name to try and garner trust from the strange, mad man and his equally odd companion. He trusted them, and he trusted Rose with the knowledge of his brother. 

 

Just like his brother and himself these boys were too young for death and war. 

 

His brother could've ended up looking like any of these men. 

 

His conversation with Tosh was interrupted by two soldiers walking in while one was introducing himself as Captain Jack Harkness from the 133rd Squadron

 

“I know too much.” he said finally leading her away from their unexpected company.

 

“Then share.” she said, like it was the most obvious answer in the world 

 

“You wouldn't want that. Trust me.” he said nodding. His team already distrusted and half-hated him already. “We have to get back. What's in here?” Gray asked pointing to her bag.

 

“I’ve got half the equation in here. The other half is back at the hub. If I can find some way of getting these figures back to the base, then they can combine them and open the Rift and bring us back though.”

 

“Come on, okay.” he said leading her away again.

 

* * *

  
  


“Was that it?” Gray asked with an honestly befuddled look on his face, sounding very confused by Mark’s cold farewell to his girl. 

 

Gray has never had romantic feelings for anyone, but he knows even he could do better than that.

 

“She’s a sweet kid, but I need to look after my men tonight. It’s their last day tomorrow.”

 

Gray leaned towards him and said his next words extremely intently. “Go after her. Kiss her goodbye.” At Mark’s not-quite-a-scoff he added “Anything can happen tomorrow.”

 

“It’s just a routine training exercise. I’m hardly going to die.”

 

Just like how the people of the Boeshane Peninsula hardly expected to die that day so long ago and so long to be. 

 

“Yeah that’s when they get you, when you least expect it.” he said his voice going hard. Gray could still hear the screams of friends and family that day back on Boeshane. That Day no one expected and prepared for. 

 

“You don’t know what’s ahead. Kiss her goodbye.”  _ Don’t let her go without showing her you love her. _

 

Gray never got to say goodbye. Gray never got to tell his dad or his brother or Rose or countless other people he loved them one last time. 

 

Mark thought for a moment, finished his drink, and left.

 

* * *

 

“Her falling for you is hardly my fault.” Gray said later as Mark stormed away. “Play it cool in front of your men but not in front of me. Look it’s okay to be scared.”

 

Mark whipped around sharply.

 

“A captain has to keep his head.” Mark said getting into his space and pointing an authoritative finger at him. Too bad the only people who had any semblance of authority over him weren’t there.

 

“A captain needs to explain the risks, tell his men what to expect.” Gray shot back

 

Gray could see Mark falling apart. Mark had to be strong for his men, but he was terrified too. He recognized this fear. Cloud wore it countless times back when they were children. He just didn’t see it back then.

 

“So what do I do?” Mark demanded. “Tell them I saw a young boy get shot in the eyes mid-flight?”

 

“I  _ understand _ .” Gray declared lowly.

 

“Do you? Did you hear him on the radio yelling for his mom while the Messerschmitts pumped him full of holes and blew his plane apart? All I could hear on the radio-”

 

“Is  _ screams _ .” Gray finished pointedly. “I went to war when I was a boy. I was with my  _ best _ friend, he knew everything about me. After half my family died years ago he was the only one I was close to anymore. We got caught crossing the border over enemy lines. They tortured me, but not before killing him right in front of me! They made me watch him slowly bleed to death. I pretended to be broken and they let me go.”

 

“Who are they?” Mark asked, sounding more afraid now than angry.

 

“The worst possible creatures you can imagine.” Gray said walking further down the steps before stopping. “I persuaded him to join up. I said it would be an adventure. I never recovered his body. He’s still there. He hadn’t lived.”

 

“Have any of us?” Mark finally asked.

 

* * *

 

The last thing Gray expected after telling him to go after his woman was come back.

 

“I thought you’d gone.” Gray said. Mark made no noise besides a odd mix of a sigh and scoff. “This could be your last chance.” he added. 

 

“That’s why I came back.” Mark said looking over the couch to the dancefloor. Gray looked to where he was looking and saw a man laughing with a glass of scotch. 

 

Mark’s wistful, love-sick look told Gray everything he needed to know. It’s been awhile since he’s been wrong about someone’s sexuality. Or maybe he’s become too judgemental because of his observations about this century.

 

“How do I show him I lo-” Mark was cut off by a couple stumbling in.

 

“We need lovers’ corner if you don’t mind, boys.” 

 

“Of course. I was just discussing strategies with Gray here.” Mark said while wincing because of how inadvertently true the words were.

 

“We’ll go somewhere else.” Gray said looking at Mark determinedly. He had quite a bit of matchmaking experience. 

 

“No, you’ve told me everything I need to know.” Mark said sharply before leaving. 

 

* * *

 

“There’s instructions in here!” Owen said wrestling away said documents from Ianto’s grappling hands. “This isn’t some random act of madness!”

 

“It’s a trap! Bilis wanted you to find it.”

 

“Why?” Owen sneered while looking at the instructions.

 

“To provoke the Rift! To incite total chaos and destruction! All of the reports of the haunted dance hall were anonymous. What if it was him! Please, listen to me.”

 

“I’m tired of being in awe of the Rift! I’m tired of living with Gray’s secrets! We don’t even know who he is!”

 

“He’s our leader.” Ianto said blandly.

 

“Not anymore.” Owen said before moving past Ianto. “Get out of my way!” 

 

Ianto tackled him to the ground. He felt like Owen, the Rift, and this situation was going to shatter any moment.

 

* * *

 

“Who were you?” Tosh asked Gray when they were sat at a table.

 

“A conman. That’s why I took his name. I falsified his records so it seemed he was alive.”   
  


“How did you end up in Torchwood?” she asked next. She remembered when he rescued her from UNIT prison. He’s been at the Institute longer than she has. Was he saved too?

 

“Someone saved my life, brought me back from death. And ever since then, its been like they’re keeping me for something and I don’t know what it is.” after a long moment Gray spoke again. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”   
  


Tosh scoffed but smiled. “It was my choice.”

 

“I’ll look after you.” Gray vowed. Tosh nodded. She knew he would. “There’s nothing I can do for him.” he said after a moment looking legitimately upset. Tosh was surprised to realize he looked like he was on the brink of tears.

 

She looked at Captain Mark Emmet and then back at Gray. She hesitantly grasped his hand, and he held hers in return.

 

* * *

 

“You have to let Diane go.” Ianto said, pointing a gun at Owen. “Like what I did with Lisa.”

 

“Don’t compare yourself to me. You’re just a tea boy.”

 

“I’m much more than that. Gray needs me. I’m his friend.”

 

“In your dreams Ianto. In your sad, pathetic dreams where you’re friends with the man who murdered your freak girlfriend and you’re grateful for the scraps he gives us.”

 

Ianto cocked the gun and moved forward. 

 

“That  _ Rift _ took my lover and my captain. So if I die trying to beat it, then it will all be in the line of duty.”

 

When he moved to put the device in the machine Ianto shot him.

 

The true shattering moment didn’t happen until Owen still succeeded and the machine activated. 

 

“You don’t know what you’ve done.” Ianto said looking up to where the moving bit of the machine where gearing up.

 

* * *

 

When Gray and Mark caught each other’s gazes Mark walked desperately over. 

 

“How do I-  _ how do I _ ..?” He begged as he rested his hands on the table. He was desperate for answers, forgiveness, or absolution.

 

“ _ Show him _ . Show him there’s no one you’d rather have then him. Show him he has your heart.” Gray answered. His voice dripped with seriousness. “There’s nothing wrong with love.” 

 

Mark looked ready to cry at the words. No judgement.

 

He sharply turned around and walked to the man Gray saw earlier. Mark didn’t say a word as he gently took his hand.

 

He led him to the dancefloor, hesitantly wrapped his arms around him, and they began to dance.

 

Everyone stared and left the dancefloor, but the two men were too absorbed to notice. They swayed to the tune of the music, their fear of now and of tomorrow, and their love for each other. 

 

Gray and Tosh looked proudly on. To Tosh’s surprise when she looked over she saw Gray crying. Mark and his love had nothing to be ashamed of.  

 

The room exploded in light.

 

Tosh jumped up from the chair and grabbed her things while calling to Gray. He waited until Mark was in his line of sight before mouthing ‘no shame’. Mark said nothing, but mouthed ‘thank you’.

 

Gray and Tosh went through.

 

* * *

 

Gray didn't deserve Mark’s thanks. His death tomorrow, 60 years ago would be a mercy when people found out Mark was in love with a man. Yet Gray still grieved his death.

 

“I kinda wish I kept his name.” Gray said before pouring Tosh and himself a drink. “I wish the name didn't die with a deserter and attached to a conman who threw it away at his own convenience.”

 

“He would've been honored. Here you are, changing and saving the world. To Captain Mark Emmet.” she declared raising her glass.

 

“To Captain Mark Emmet.” Gray repeated before taking a large gulp. He held the glass to his chest and didn't say anything more.


	16. End of Days

In hindsight it was painfully obvious why things went wrong. Between Gray and Owen being furious with each other and the visions they all had seen it was all too obvious why it all went wrong.

 

* * *

 

 

Gwen could only think of how good her morning was before Gray told her to watch the news. 

 

“Owen. How was the hospital?” Gray asked as he approached his team walking into the Hub

 

“Laugh a bloody minute. They’ve got an outbreak of the Black Death.”

 

“What? Oh, my god?” Gwen said.

 

“Have they got it under control?” Gray briskly asked Tosh. When she didn’t answer he slammed his hand on the table to get her attention. “Tosh! How are they coping?”

 

“Owen got the place quarantined and organized treatments for those who were inflected.”

 

“Only consolation is it’s treatable these days.” Owen snapped. “But, who know, what happens when the next carrier comes through Gray? Someone carrying smallpox or Ebola or something from the future we don’t even know about yet, what do we do then?”

 

“Well it’s not doing us any good speculating.” Gray said walking away. Does the team think he hasn’t already thought of that between the hundreds of other things that could potentially destroy the world? Before he was even finished speaking Owen put his arm in front of him to stop him.

 

“We need to be prepared. We’re helpless, all we’re doing here is putting sticking plasters on gaping wounds!” 

 

‘Now who’s fault is that?’ a rude part of Gray’s brain said. Thankfully the words stayed inside his head.

 

Gray raised his arms in a questioning gesture. “What do you suggest?” Gray asked, only half condescending. He was all for the mad, brilliant ideas the human race could have. 

 

“I suggest you lead us and tell us what the instructions are.” 

 

“Owen.” Gwen said suddenly, her voice full of warning.

 

“No, come on. You’re all thinking it too. You’re the big man here. You keep all the secrets. Well now’s the time to tell us a few and tell us how the hell we’re going to get out of this!”

 

Gray twisted away for a second before turning back to Owen. “You want to know a secret? There is no solution. I can’t fix this. Because this was never meant to happen. The first thing you learn when you joined Torchwood was not to mess with the Rift. But you disobeyed orders and now everything that’s happening is down to you.” He snapped. He felt so helpless and who knew what this was going to do to the world. Gray had no idea how to fix this and everyone could die because Owen Fucking Harper had the  _ bloody brilliant _ idea of fucking with the Rift!

 

“I only disobeyed instructions to get you back.” Owen declared and thrust out his arm effectively stopping Gray from storming away. 

 

“And now people are dying.” 

 

“So, what? So I shouldn’t have bothered?”   
  


Gray,  _ damningly _ , said nothing. 

 

“Who the fuck are you anyway? Gray Thane? You don’t even exist. We looked. So if you’re not even a real person, then why the hell should I follow your orders?”

 

Tosh, Ianto, and Gwen were silent and looked at each other guiltily. Owen didn’t even bother being guilty for admitting what they all have been thinking since they joined Torchwood.

 

Since they were behind Gray he didn’t see their expressions.

 

“You ask for my leadership then question it when I don’t have the answers you want?” Gray snapped, a snarl across his face. “If you don’t trust me then I can’t rely on you.” he added advancing on Owen and wrangling his hands behind his back.

 

“Oh what? You’re actually going to have the bollocks to feed me to the weevil this time?” Owen hissed as Gray led him to the cells. Gray’s face twisted angily.

 

“I’m relieving you of duty until further notice.” Gray declared before the two of them disappeared from the rest of the team’s view. “Anyone who agrees with him can join him.” he said over his shoulder to the rest of the team.

 

No one said another word.

 

* * *

 

Gwen’s boyfriend was in Torchwood. Gwen’s painfully normal lover was in a Torchwood cell for his own protection. 

 

For Owen being furious at him and all the ‘end of the world’ bullshit Gray couldn’t help but wonder about how strange this situation was. 

 

“Gray!” 

 

Said man sharply looked up but frowned when he saw nobody in the main area of the Hub. It didn’t sound like any member of Torchwood either.

 

It was only a whisper. It sounded like a kid.

 

“Gray!” the voice said again. 

 

He shot up from his desk and looked around his office and after finding nothing walked into the main area again.

 

Between the two computers was a child.

 

It was his brother.

 

“Gray! You have to help me, they’re hurting me, please make them stop! Open the Rift and make them stop Gray please.”

 

He looked so tiny. 

 

Gray trembled as he stared on at the...whatever it was. He knew it wasn’t his brother. He knew the millions of reasons why he couldn’t open the Rift.

 

He stood there, shaking and tears in his eyes, as the figure begged him to save him by opening the Rift. The lights of the cog door went off and by the time Gray looked back from his quick glance to see who it was the thing was gone.

 

Gray let out a trembling sigh and any explanation he would’ve had to give for his state vanished when the Hub was plunged into red alert.

 

* * *

 

Owen found two members of his team when Gwen still held Rhys’ body to her in the cell block.

 

It was easy. It would’ve been more difficult to ignore the sound of Gwen’s screams.

 

* * *

 

As Gray stared down the gun in Owen’s hands he couldn’t help but think whether opening the Rift would be so bad after all. What if...what if his brother truly did need his help? 

 

Then reason kicked back in. He told Ianto once that he wasn’t sure he loved anyone enough to risk everything for. He can’t risk the world on a fanciful vision of Cloud being alive and needing his help. The vision was barely realistic too. His brother was so much more livelier than the dead monotone and deathly still illusion that Gray saw. It made no attempt at physical affection. And Cloud still looked like a kid in it. When Gray thought about it the whole farce didn’t even make a whole lot of sense. 

 

He guessed it was more of a nightmare than a trick really.

 

He slowly stood up, daring Owen to shoot. 

 

Owen didn’t disappoint. 

 

* * *

 

“How do we stop it? Tell me what to do Gray.” Gwen asked as she stood resolutely in front of him.

 

Gray wanted to tell them to fuck off. He wanted to say he fucking warned them. He wanted...he wanted…

 

He wanted his big brother.

 

“Get me to the SUV.” he hissed out decidingly ignoring the little brother part of him that was screaming for his brother to help him. “Then stay out of my way.” he added, to avoid any confusion about how much he wanted any of them near him right now.

 

Although he was being a prick before. Maybe they should call it even?

 

He already felt nothing but resignation and it tasted sour on his tongue. 

 

“You can barely-” Tosh started saying before being cut off.

 

“You don’t need to walk to drive.” Gray snapped. 

 

None of them argued further and all of their earlier fight and bluster was gone. He wanted to laugh at how they looked back to him for leadership when less than half an hour ago they killed him and used his retinal to do the one thing he absolutely forbidden them to do. 

 

They all helped him to the vehicle, Owen noticeably less but Gray knew by his expression it wasn’t because of anger, and without any more words Gray took off.

 

Gray had an idea to stop Abaddon, and for the first time in a long while he thought it might be the end for him.

 

Why wasn’t he excited about that prospect?

 

* * *

 

In the end Gray couldn't stay furious with them. 

 

Which was odd since usually he could hold a grudge like nobody’s business, but now he only felt defeat.

 

He shouldn’t have treated Owen the way he did. He should’ve helped him. He shouldn’t have been so secretive even though telling them his secrets would only end with him being hurt. 

 

Maybe he hoped they’d grow to love him like he loved them. 

 

In the end they wanted to fix what was broken, and he could only forgive them. 

 

He held Gwen’s hand when they headed out of the morgue, and her warm palm burned against his deathly cold one.

 

When they both got to main part of the Hub Gray saw the blur of Tosh’s shirt coming towards him before he actually saw her face. He still wrapped his arms around her securely and held her against him. The hug clearly stated that he forgave her.

 

Ianto was next. He held out his hand for a handshake, but Gray easily pulled him forward for a hug. After a prolonged moment he let go to hold Ianto’s hand in his.

 

After a metal clang interrupted them, Gray let go and pulled away to level a very stern look at Owen. 

 

They met in the middle of the metal bridge and said nothing.

 

“I’m-” Owen started, tears filling his eyes, but was was cut off by Gray.

 

“I forgive you.” 

 

Owen nodded and tried to play the entire situation off. Gray all too easily saw how close he was to breaking and easily pulled him into his arms.

 

He felt like he should’ve had a memory of his brother holding him the same way.

 

Owen sobbed into his chest and he only held him and rubbed his back. As Owen’s cries continued he still only placed a kiss on his head and rocked the both of them.

 

The only sounds in the Hub was the buzz of machinery and Owen’s sobs.

 

* * *

 

They all sat in the conference room later. They were eating Chinese.

 

“What’s happened to the Rift?” Gwen asked. It was the first things any of them had said since Ianto suggested they all eat.

 

“It closed up when Abaddon was destroyed. But it’s going to be more volatile than ever.” Gray said looking past all of them and just thinking.

 

“The visions we had,” Gwen started and everyone besides her and Gray held their breaths. Why would she bring that up now? “We all saw people we loved. What did you see?”

 

Gray looked ready to run. He looked like the last place on earth he wanted to be was here.

 

He didn’t want to say. But he could still hear Owen’s ‘who the fuck are you?’ ringing in his ears and no matter how much he didn’t want to share he felt like he had to.

 

He loves them and he forgives them. 

 

“I…” Gray started. “I saw my brother.” 

 

Everyone looked taken aback by the statement and everyone knew what Gwen’s next question would be.

 

“Why wasn’t it enough?”

 

Ianto stared into his food resolutely. 

 

“Because it couldn’t have been enough.” Gray answered. He couldn’t tell them how close he was to breaking. He couldn’t be a hypocrite and kill Lisa but let everyone die to save Cloud. That would make him the worst type of person.

 

He knew the damage hypocrites could do. He won’t and he can’t become one.

 

He just hoped, if his brother was alive and needing help, he could forgive him.

 

Gray excused himself to go to the bathroom but on his way there his Doctor Detector began to beep.

 

His lips pressed into a hard line.

 

Later his team would look everywhere in the Hub and find no trace of him besides a note where the creepy hand in a jar once sat.

  
All it said was: ‘ _ I’ll be back. _ ’


	17. Utopia

Gray knew the Doctor could see him.

 

He travelled with him before and he knew the range that the TARDIS could see.

 

Which means he’s deliberately ignoring him. 

 

“You  _ asshole _ !” Gray shouted across the Plass as he ran as fast as his legs could carry him.

 

He heard the whooshing sound of the TARDIS’ dematerialization and he pushed himself to run faster. He wasn’t going to let him get away, he waited over a century to meet him again and he was not getting away!

 

He leapt across the rest of the way and slammed against the wood of the Doctor’s ship. 

 

Then they were thrust into the Time Vortex.

 

“You asshole!” Gray shouted again, the last syllable dragged out while he screamed and held on to the TARDIS for dear life.

 

Metaphorically ‘for dear life’ of course.

 

* * *

 

It took Gray a moment to realize during his resurrection he grabbed on to something. 

 

After he recovered his bearings enough he noticed he currently had a young woman in a death grasp and she was holding onto him just as tightly. She must be the Doctor’s current companion. A bit older than Rose, pretty, and intelligent eyes. 

 

“-breathe deeply.” she was saying. 

 

“Gray Thane.” he said politely. “And you?” 

 

“Martha Jones.” she said, sounding a bit dazed.

 

“Nice to meet you Martha Jones.” he replied with a sincere grin. The Doctor was noticeably silent.

 

He already liked her when she helped him up.

 

Gray stared at the Doctor for a moment. “Doctor.”

 

“Gray.” 

 

“Good to see you.” It was a bit of a lie, but he hoped neither of them would notice. Then again it was painfully obvious the Doctor didn’t want anything to do with him at the moment.

 

“And you. Same as ever.”

 

‘Liar’ Gray snarled from the safety of his own mind. “Can’t say the same for you.” he said revealing none of his inner turmoil.  

 

It took the Doctor a moment to realize what he was talking about.

 

“Oh, yes, the face! Regeneration. How did you know it was me?”

 

“The police box kind of gives it away.” Gray said slowly. Obviously. He wondered whether this regeneration was a bit thick. Then again his previous one also forgot obvious details. “I’ve been trying to find you for a long time. You abandoned me.” he added.

 

“Did I? Busy life. Moving on.” the Doctor casually said.

 

Gray would’ve loved to punch him in the face right then and there, but he was his only hope of being fixed and going back to his team.

 

“Just gotta ask. The battle of Canary Wharf. I saw the list of the dead. I-It said ‘Rose Tyler’.” Gray said slowly. He...he  _ needed _ to know one way or the other what happened to his little sister. 

 

“Oh, no, sorry! She’s alive.”

 

Hope expanded inside his chest like a balloon. “You’re kidding.” Gray said, already aware how this news could heal or break him.

 

“Parallel world. Safe and sound. And Mickey. And her mother.”

 

“Yes!” Gray shrieked, pounding his fists in the air.

 

The Doctor looked surprised by the lack of physical affection.

 

“Good ol’ Rose.” Martha mumbled. 

 

* * *

 

The only reason he didn’t shoot the cannibal bastards when the Doctor declared “Don’t you dare” was because he didn’t want to risk pissing off the driver and being left behind again. The Doctor already had a history of leaving him, so who knew what would be the last straw before he did it again.

 

Or maybe because Martha was there too. She told him she was a medical student and Owen always made jokes about the Hippocratic Oath and all that. 

 

It all felt so familiar, yet so different at the same time. Like not wearing a favorite piece of clothing for a long time then trying it on to find it didn’t fit anymore. 

 

* * *

 

“How long have you known?” Gray asked before entering the radiation chamber.

 

“Ever since I ran away from you.” the Doctor replied. 

 

Gray stood there, dumbfounded for a moment, and the Doctor added a ‘good luck’.

 

He rushed in and proceeded to burn his hands on the walls. He wasted no time getting to work. 

 

“When did you realize?” the Doctor asked. Which is unfortunate because he was the last person he wanted to talk to at the moment, but hey if he was going to drag this up now he might as well get the answers he’s been waiting so long for.

 

“Earth, 1892. Got in a fight at Ellis Island from a bad deal. A man shot me through the heart. Then I woke up. I knew then. Before then I kept surviving things that should’ve killed me: fell off a cliff, trampled by horses, World War I, World War II, poison, starvation, a stray javelin.” 

 

The Doctor winced at the last one. 

 

“In the end I got the message, I’m the man who can never die.” Gray pulled the handle as hard as he could. “And all that time you knew.”

 

“That’s why I left you behind. It’s not easy even just looking at you, Gray, ‘cause you’re wrong.”

 

The last bit of admiration and love for the Doctor Gray didn’t even know he had left died.

 

“Thanks.” he hissed out. 

 

“You are. I can’t help it. I’m a Time Lord. It’s instincts. It’s in my guts. You’re a fixed point in time and space. You’re a fact. That’s never meant to happen.” Gray wanted to tell him to fuck off. “Even the TARDIS reacted against you. Tried to shake you off. Flew all the way to the end of the Universe just to get rid of you.” 

 

Why was he going on about this? Did he want Gray to know  _ exactly  _ how much of an  _ abomination  _ he was and have his faith thrown back in his face?

 

He waited over a hundred years for this. It made him just want to go back to Cardiff right then and there. But he had to help these people.

 

It was strange to realize he’s already died more in the last hour than he had during weeks back at Torchwood. Of course he was trying to hide his immortality then. He wondered whether he was going to be less careful now that his team knew about it (and didn’t have a massive freak out about it). 

 

He just wanted to go back. Which means not pissing off the Doctor. Who told him he can’t even look at him without wanting to run away.

 

“So what you’re saying is you’re prejudiced?” Gray asked trying to keep his voice deceptively casual.

 

He had enough of prejudice.

 

The Doctor seemed to think for a moment. “I never thought of it like that.” he said with an amused grin.

 

Gray laughed. “Shame on you.” his tone was joking but he fully intended the words. With how thick this regeneration could be he doubted he’d pick up on his fury.  

 

He had hoped, the way they were all working together earlier, that he could learn to love this Doctor. 

 

“Yeah.” the Doctor said rubbing his eye.

 

“The last thing I remember, back when I was mortal, I was facing three Daleks, death by extermination. Then I came back to life. What happened?”

 

“Rose.” the Doctor said. He wondered why he was bringing her up so suddenly in this conversation...unless…

 

Unless she had something to do with it. Betrayal stung in his chest. 

 

“I thought you sent her back home.” Gray said accusingly.

 

“She came back. Opened the heart of the TARDIS and absorbed the Time Vortex itself.” 

 

“What does that mean exactly?” he demanded, even less in the mood for the Doctor’s storytelling antics. He needed a straight answer.

 

“No one is meant to have that power. If a Time Lord did that he’d become a god, a vengeful god. But she was human.  Everything she did was so human and she loved you so much. She brought you back to life. She called you her brother.” the Doctor paused seeming to mull over his last statement but ultimately did not question him about it. “But she couldn't control it. She brought you back forever. That’s something, I suppose. The final act of the Time War was life.”

 

Fury drained from Gray. Rose didn’t mean to condemn him to this. She only did this because she loved him. Rose was safe and alive and so human.

 

“Do you think she can change me back?” Gray asked hopefully. 

 

“I took the power out of her. She’s gone Gray. She’s not just living on a parallel world she’s trapped there. The walls have closed.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Gray said. He knew how much that must’ve hurt.

 

“Yeah.” was all he said.

 

“I went back to her estate in the 90’s, just once or twice, never said hello. Timelines, and all that. I just...I just wanted to see her grow up.”

 

The Doctor suddenly looked at Gray with a very serious expression. “Do you want to die?” 

 

“This one’s a little stuck.” he said very deliberately ignoring the Doctor’s question.

 

“Gray.” he said, sounding almost  _ concerned _ . He looked up to see that the Doctor’s expression’s matched his tone. 

 

Talk about shitty continuity. Just a few moments ago he said his very existence was wrong. What-fucking-ever.

 

“I thought I did. I don’t know.” he answered and he was about as honest as he could be at that moment. He thought about his team. God he didn’t want to talk about this to him anymore. “But this lot, you see them surviving and that’s  _ fantastic _ .”

 

The Doctor grinned widely and Gray knew he was suitably assured.

 

This new Doctor was brilliant, prideful, thick, and kind of cheeky. For the defense of Earth he thinks he could work with him. 

 

* * *

 

The Doctor and him were running around frantically when Martha burst in looking extremely worried.

 

The Doctor quickly explained what the rocket type was and told her it needed both of them to keep it stable.

 

“Doctor, it’s the Professor. He’s got this watch, he’s got a fob watch. It’s the same as yours. It has the same writing on it, the same everything.”

 

He sharply looked at her. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

 

“I asked him. He said he’s had it his whole life.”

 

“So he’s got the same watch.” Gray said looking up from the controls. He was confused what the big deal was.

 

“Yeah but it’s not a watch. It’s this Chameleon thing.” Martha said leaning to explain it to him.

 

“No no no no it’s this thing...This device, it rewrites biology. Changes a Time Lord into a human.”

 

Gray looked over at them stunned.

 

“And it’s the same watch!” Martha exclaimed.

 

“It can’t be.” 

 

The alarms went off.

 

“That means he could be a Time Lord. You might not be the last one!” Gray said pointing at the Doctor.

 

“Gray keep it level!” he snapped at him in rely.

 

“But that’s brilliant isn’t it?” Martha asked, looking exasperated now.

 

“Yes it is, of course it is.” the Doctor mumbled almost to himself. “Depends on which one. Brilliant, fantastic, yeah. But they died the Time Lords. All of them they died.”

 

“Not if he was human.” Gray reminded him.

 

“What did he say Martha?  _ What did he say _ ?!” The Doctor thundered at her. Gray flinched right with her and sharply looked over.

 

“He looked at the watch like he could hardly see it. Like that perception filter thing.”

 

“What about now? Can he see it now?”

 

They all jumped away from each other to work on getting rocket to fly.

 

Gray ran over to the Doctor and Martha again. “If he escaped the Time War then it’s the perfect place to hide. The end of the universe.” 

 

“Think what the Heart of Boe said.” Martha said. “His dying words. He said ‘you are not alone.’”

 

The what of what now? Gray looked at her with a look of complete bafflement on his face. Why was someone going around spouting prophecies under the name the Boeshane Peninsula gave _him_?

 

Everything went to shit after that.


	18. The Sound of Drums

Gray was finding out that this situation was going from bad to even worse.

 

It felt like the moment they got back to the 21st century until the Master won that day was a slow descension into from bad to ‘the world is literally ending’.

 

If everything hadn’t gone to shit he would’ve laughed about how fast it all went wrong from the last time the end of days came in the form of a splintering Rift and a giant monster in Cardiff.

 

* * *

 

“Home!” Martha proclaimed happily.

 

Gray frantically tried to reach the Hub but received no reply. Were they busy or just angry with him for leaving?

 

It didn’t matter. They needed their help. 

 

“What do you got? Computer? Laptop? Anything?” The Doctor demanded “Gray who are you phoning? Who can’t tell anyone we’re here!”

 

What kind of idiot does the Doctor take him for?

 

“I’m calling my team! But there’s no reply.” he snapped as he shook the phone and looked confused.

 

Martha didn’t hear him while she handed a laptop to the Doctor; the Doctor gave no indication that he processed the ‘my team’ bit of his statement.

 

The Doctor hated him anyway. Might as well hate him with Torchwood’s help. 

 

“I can show you the Saxon websites.” Gray said taking the laptop from the Doctor’s arms. “He’s been around for ages.” 

 

“That’s so weird, ‘cause the day after the election, that’s only four days since I met you.” Martha said thoughtfully.

 

The Doctor and Gray looked from the computer to her. The Doctor ran his fingers through his hair thoughtfully and said “We went flying all around the universe while he was here all the time.”

 

“You going to tell us who he is?” Martha asked.

 

“He’s a Time Lord.”

 

“What about the rest of it? I mean who’d call himself ‘the Master’?” 

 

Someone Gray was definitely not looking forward to trying to take over the world. Talk about perfect timing for his team to take a day off! 

 

“That’s all you need to know. C’mon show me Harold Saxon.” the Doctor told Martha before turning to face Gray.

 

Is this what he sounds like to his team when he withholds information? God he made a mental note to stop doing that for when he comes back to them.

 

* * *

 

“How was it?” Gray asked when Martha got back to their temporary hide out.

 

“I don’t think anyone saw me. Anything new?”

 

Gray pointed to his vortex manipulator. “I got this tuned into the government wavelink so we can follow what Saxon is doing.”

 

“I meant about my family.” she snapped. 

 

“Still says the Jones family is taken in for questioning.” the Doctor said. “Tell you what, though, no mention of Leo.” 

 

“He’s not as daft as he looks.” Martha said smiling in relief. But it faded. “I’m talking about my brother, on the run, how did this happen?”

 

In the face of Martha’s worry for her family Gray gently patted her shoulder to both comfort and apologize to her. “Brothers tend not to be as daft as they look.” Gray grinned at her.

 

The Doctor looked confused by Gray’s comment. Martha nodded knowingly since it sounded like Gray had some experience with brothers.

 

To Martha, Gray Thane was only getting more and more interesting to her. When all this was over she was so exchanging phone numbers with him.

 

They all sat down and after a moment of commenting on chips Martha looked at Gray meaningfully and jerked her head towards the Doctor.

 

Honestly she would probably have more luck.

 

“So Doctor. Who is he? How come the ancient society of Time Lords created a psychopath?”

 

“And what is he to you?” Martha chipped in. “Like a colleague or…?”

 

“A friend at first.”

 

“Thought you were going to say he was your secret brother or something.” Martha mumbled.

 

Gray paused mid bite from his chip and was assaulted by the image of his best expectation of what an adult Cloud would look like and then he saw that image as a psychopath. He threw up a little in his mouth.

 

Neither the Doctor or Martha seemed to notice. 

 

“You’ve been watching too much TV.” The Doctor said. 

 

Martha scoffed.

 

He never thought of his brother becoming evil. But that could’ve been yet another of the various fates that came to pass for Cloud. He needed to stop thinking about this before he really is sick in front of the Doctor and Martha. “But all the legends of Gallifrey made it seem so perfect.” Gray said. Now when he thought about it the Doctor probably only told them about the best aspects of his now dead planet.

 

He wanted to remember the ideal. He wanted to remember the good of home.

 

Gray wanted to relate, but the image of blood and corpses and his brother’s demands to hide made it far too hard to remember how beautiful those beaches were.

 

All memories of Boeshane and his family there were twinged with a bitter aftertaste.

 

The Doctor just continued to talk about the beauty of Gallifrey paying no mind one member of his audience was barely paying attention to what he was saying.

 

Then he started talking about the academy initiation.

 

* * *

 

Gray’s vortex manipulator began to beep.

 

He quickly put his food on the makeshift table and looked to see what it was.

 

“Encrypted channel. With files attached. Don’t recognize it.”

 

“Hmm patch it through to the laptop.” the Doctor said snapping up from his lounging position.

 

“Since we’re telling stories.” Gray said. The Doctor was disgusted by his very existence anyway and he was already back in the 21st century he might as well give the Doctor one more reason to hate him. “Get ready. I haven’t told you something yet.”

 

A moment later when Gray pulled up the laptop the Torchwood logo appeared.

 

“You work for Torchwood.” the Doctor stated. His voice was hard. 

 

“I joined back in the 19th century. I swore I would change it.” Gray said just as unflinchingly. “There’s only half a dozen of us now.” 

 

“Everything Torchwood did and you’re a part of it.” the Doctor interrupted. He was angry of course. Gray didn’t expect anything else.

 

“The old regime was destroyed at Canary Wharf. I rebuilt it, I changed it, and when I did that I did it for…” Gray paused. “I did it in the honor of all those I have loved, love, and will love.”

 

The Doctor looked down furiously at Gray. He looked back unflinchingly.  The Doctor reached over to access the files and did not say another word.

 

Good. Gray didn’t want to hear his slights against the organization that he hoped Boeshane would look proudly back on; he didn’t want to hear his slights against the four so achingly human people he was so incredibly proud to work with everyday. He forgave them and he loved them.

 

Gray knew he was thinking about Rose. Gray knew he was thinking how could he possibly love Rose and work for the organization that took her away from this universe.

 

His chest throbbed at the idea of never seeing her again. But if she was safe and happy then he could live with that.

 

Speaking of people out of his reach he could still hear the Master’s voice saying that his team was on some wild goose chase. He wondered how long it would take for them to realize they’d been had. They may act like they’re thick at times but Gray knew better than anyone they had the best of humanity’s resourcefulness, insight, and recklessness.

 

* * *

 

After seeing the soldiers manhandle and the Master antagonize Martha’s family he was just as furious as she was.

 

“Oh my god.” she mumbled.

 

“Don’t move.” the Doctor warned.

 

“But-”   
  


“Don’t!”

 

“I’m going to kill him.” Martha Jones whispered finally.

 

“What say I use this perception filter to walk up behind him and snap his neck?” Gray said, deceptively casual.

 

He knew the Master would only destroy lives.

 

“Now that sounds like Torchwood.” the Doctor said looking at his with every bit of his feared ‘Oncoming Storm’. Gray rolled his eyes.

 

The Doctor dealt with world wide threats and all that was beautiful about the universe. Torchwood dealt with the ugliest and cruelest things the universe could offer up.

 

The world was more morally grey (pun fully intended) than the Doctor gave it credit for. This Doctor was so much more self-righteous than his previous almost self-hating regeneration of the Doctor.

 

Torchwood will never meet the Doctor’s perception of honor, but Gray will still fight for it. 

 

His team have seen what this planet could offer up to its woefully unprepared inhabitants.

 

“Still a good plan.” he said looking on. His face gave nothing away. 

 

It was probably a good thing his faith in the Doctor, in relation to him, was broken. He couldn’t imagine wanting his approval under this onslaught of nothing he’s done being good enough for him. It was the one time he was actually glad about being slow to let go of grudges. 

 

* * *

 

The TARDIS might’ve gone to the end of the universe to get rid of him, but he couldn’t stand to see her in pain like this. 

 

A paradox machine! He’s only read about them back at the Time Agency. They might have been stockpiling weapons but that was one line no one in the agency was willing to cross.

 

The Master cannibalized the ship he once felt completely at home on.

 

* * *

 

Him, the Doctor, and Martha stood on the bridge of the Valiant. With a plan the Doctor oh so conveniently forgot to mention. Gray swore that if he got through this without triggering the Doctor’s next regeneration it would be a bloody miracle!

 

Then it all went wrong.

 

The Toclafane murdered President Winters, the Bridge descended into madness, and himself dead on the floor.

 

Gray woke up in too much pain for his usual desperate gasp, and when he saw what was happening to the Doctor he knew he had to get Martha away.

 

“Teleport.” he said, trying to catch his breath as he pushed his vortex manipulator into her hands. His wrist felt so odd without it.

 

“I can’t.” she said. 

 

“We can’t stop him. Get out of here. Get out.” he tried, hoping she knew how serious the situation was right now. He didn’t doubt her intelligence, but...the entire planet was in pretty deep shite.

 

When they didn’t hear the Doctor’s agonized screams anymore Martha let go of him and crawled towards the Doctor. He looked so old now.

 

Then they dragged her family in the bridge too. Just to make everything worse.

 

The Doctor asked what the Toclafane were. The Master said it would only break his hearts.

 

The sky split apart and millions of the same Toclafane spheres poured out. Gray could almost hear Earth’s screams from inside the airship carrier.

 

He saw the Doctor whisper something to Martha. He looked away to avoid casting suspicion on them, but Gray doubted the Master was paying enough attention as he watched his self declared ‘children’ slaughter the human race. 

 

Martha trembled as he delicately held his vortex manipulator. She looked at her family one last time.

 

They looked back confused and desperate. She looked at the Doctor, so old now, and her new friend. 

 

Her body was stiff and shook from fear and she disappeared.

 

The Jones family looked at each other; the Doctor and Gray looked at each other.  The Doctor turned his head away.

 

He had a plan. Good, Gray could work with a plan. 

 

* * *

 

“So it came to pass that the human race fell and the earth became no more.” the Master was saying as both him and Lucy held him up to see the destruction of the species he loved so dearly. “And I looked down at my new dominion as master of all. And I thought it good.”

 

The Doctor only breathed heavily and said nothing.


	19. The Year That Never Was

Exactly three months and four days into the Master’s reign, four new people showed up on the bridge. 

 

The Doctor recognized Toshiko Sato from the incident with Big Ben and he recognized Gwyneth in a modern body. The men he had no idea who they were.

 

The Master was more than happy to elaborate. He held up his hands in mock surrender while Gwyneth held a very big gun to him and the rest of the group holding guns to the guards. “Aw yes. Torchwood has finally come!”

 

The Doctor's expression hardened.

 

“You listenin’ you twat?” Gwyneth demanded. “This is a gun that was designed by Torchwood One to kill a Time Lord. Even if it doesn't kill you instantly it sure as hell will at least trigger a rengeration. If you don't get the bloody hell off of our planet I will take immense pleasure from blasting you all the way back to Wales!”

 

The Doctor heard the man in the suit mutter under his breath about her finally getting the speech right.

 

He wondered what Gray meant when he said he changed Torchwood. This was perfectly the Torchwood he remembered.

 

“Oh we're negotiating are we? Then-”

 

“This isn't a negotiation mate. Fuck off.” the short, sour looking man declared.

 

“I still have something you might want back. Your little freak leader is one of the best toys I've had in awhile!”

 

Gwyneth advanced forward. “Give us Gray back right now!”

 

“Oh that's not very polite Gwen Cooper. Didn't your leader ever teach you manners?”

 

“He would've wanted to teach us not to be nice to psychopaths.” the other man said dryly. 

 

“There's quite a few lessons you need to learn.” the Master grinned. As he motioned the guards to get his favorite toy with instructions for ‘code black’. “Oh how the mighty have fallen! Torchwood once ruled over everything alien, and now all that's left is a bunch of children who make the messes they're defending the earth from!”

 

Gwen flinched. 

  
  


“He's a nutter.” the sour looking man whispered to Gwen.

 

“Of course I am Owen Harper! You all would have defended the earth. Too bad it’s me you’re facing.”

 

The Doctor frowned slightly at the Master’s words. Said man suddenly turned around and kneeled, and sneered in his face. “How will you feel once I'm done with them Doctor? Will your love for humans outweigh your hatred for Torchwood?”

 

The guards came back into the room dragging a body. The Doctor didn't have to look to see it was Gray. 

 

The group shouted when Gray’s body was dumped unceremoniously in front of them. Ms. Sato put down the device and gun she was holding and pulled his upper body onto her lap. His face was swollen and beaten and bleeding. She checked his pulse to find none.

 

“He's dead.” she announced to the group. The Doctor wondered about their stricken expressions. Toshiko gently grabbed Gray’s hand and held it.

 

“You never said give him back uninjured.” the Master stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Toshiko looked up from their intertwined hands to glare at him. 

 

Owen ran over to kneel next to him and check the severity of his injuries.

 

“Now, are you going to fuck off or no?” Gwen asked hefting the gun higher.

 

“Ummm. No.” he replied pretending to think about it for a moment before grinning. 

 

Gwen Cooper shifted the gun, aimed, and fired. The Master quickly took out his sonic laser and fired.

 

Gray awoke with a wild gasp. He got his bearings enough to see Gwen get slammed into the opposite wall and the butt of the huge gun crush her even further. She screamed.

 

Gray reckoned she now had severe internal damage. More guards poured into the room. They demanded surrender.

 

The group furiously threw down their weapons and Owen cursed colourfully. 

 

“The last remnants of Torchwood: defeated!” the Master cackled madly.

 

“Take the Freak and his pathetic team to the boiler room. I'll be there shortly.” the Master said before kneeling down in front of the Doctor. “I was inside Gray’s mind.” he announced.

 

The Doctor tried to control his facial expression. Going inside someone's mind without a person's permission was a high offense back on Gallifrey. 

 

“You are wrong about Torchwood. Gray may not share your moral self righteousness, but he wishes no harm for fall on any alien unless they mean to do the people of this planet harm. Little Gray doesn't share Miss. Hartman’s arrogance.”

 

“Why are you telling me this?”

 

“Because I want it to hurt when you see what I will do to the last defenders of the earth. I want you to see our pet freak’s heart break when I destroy his little companions.” the Master declared before straightening himself and stalking away. 

 

The Doctor wasn't quite sure he believed the Master. Despite that he saw Gray’s expression when he looked at his team.

 

Gray Thane felt nothing but love for his team. The Doctor shuddered when he thought about Gray’s reaction when the Master was finished with his team.

* * *

 

Ianto Jones was the first to die. 

 

The Master slit his throat right in front of Gray and his team the same day Torchwood arrived on the Valiant. 

 

It was a useless and unremarkable death. No heroism on Ianto’s part. 

 

The Doctor could hear Gray’s screams of fury from the bridge. 

 

Gray was chained up that day and the corpse of Ianto was laid at his feet.

 

Next was Gwen. She died three weeks later from the Master’s ‘healthcare’ disguised as medical torture. 

 

She was left to rot from the inside out and lain in her own bodily fluids and only given enough care to make her die a slow, painful death. 

 

Her corpse joined Ianto’s.

 

He destroyed Owen’s and Toshiko’s minds. 

 

Owen he'd give hallucinations of his Katie and him, happy and together. He'd systematically throw him in the illusions and tear him back out. 

 

He didn't know what was real anymore. He'd hate the visions because he was happy and that was a torture within itself. 

 

In reality he was being tortured in different ways.

 

In the end he tore out the throat of one of the guards that was holding him down for the Master to send him back to Katie, and the Master ordered him to be put down.

 

Owen’s corpse joined the collection at Gray’s feet. He looked so alive still. Especially compared to the rotting bodies right next to him. Everyone on the forsaken ship heard his cries of agony.

 

The Doctor shifted uncomfortably in his tent. In the time he's travelled with Gray he's never heard him cry. The Master never came to gloat about Gray to him anymore. 

 

But he knew by the expression on the Jones’ faces they knew all the details he wasn't privy to.

 

Toshiko was the last to die. He shattered her mind before tossing her in complete isolation. In the end she was barking mad.

 

The Master made Gray beg for her life when she wanted nothing more to die. She was killed hating this figure that was vaguely familiar and wanted her to suffer by keeping her alive.

 

Her body joined the others. 

 

No one heard Gray’s heartbroken sobs.

 

The bodies were kept there for months after, rotting right at Gray’s feet, before deciding he has had enough of the smell.

 

He did debate about it for a while though. He said the smell was getting powerful enough to cover up Gray’s ‘freakish scent’.

* * *

 

Tish Jones had made the Master’s tea wrong.

 

And he gave her an ultimatum.

 

“Either I hurt you or I kill the freak.” he said holding onto her wrists even harder. 

 

Gray leveled her a very serious look. She hated this. Gray was a good man who already takes their punishments whenever he could and suffered immensely when he died and came back to life. 

 

She tried to communicate with her eyes that he said ‘hurt’ instead of ‘kill’. Gray still looked very seriously at her.

 

“K-kill him.” she whispered and she felt disgusted with herself.

 

They both knew what the Master was doing. He was trying to torture Gray by showing him his life does not matter to people. He was trying to show no one valued his life.

 

To bad for him Gray still would give his life to keep who ever he could on this ruddy ship alive. 

 

* * *

 

“Faith and hope? Is that all?” The Master sneered at Martha Jones.

 

“No ‘cause I gave them an instruction.” she said as she stood up. “Just as the Doctor said. “I told them that if everyone thinks of a one word, at one specific time-”

 

“Nothing will happen! Is that your weapon?  _ Prayer _ ?”

 

“Right across the world. One word, just one thought, at one moment. But with fifteen satellites.”

 

Gray could see the moment the Master realized he was in deep shit.

 

“What?”

 

“The Archangel network.” Gray said. 

 

“A telepathic field binding the whole human race together. With all of them, every single person of earth, thinking the same thing at the same time. And that word is ‘Doctor’.”

 

The cage the Doctor was trapped in began to glow. The Doctor began to glow.

 

“Stop it. No, no, no, no stop that!”

 

Gray closed his eyes and whispered Doctor. The title of the strange, mad man who saved and changed and destroyed and who could still use his life. The Doctor.

 

The only noise that could be heard was ‘Doctor’, the blue light restoring the Doctor, the machines of the Valiant, and the Master’s demands that they stop.

 

Gray knew before he even said anything the Doctor forgave the Master.

 

* * *

 

“Time was every single one of these people knew your name.” Martha said looking out on the Plass in Cardiff. “Now they’d all forgotten you.”   
  


“Good.” the Doctor replied.

 

“Back to work.” Gray suddenly announced dodging under the railing.

 

“I really wouldn’t mind, if you ever decided you wanted to travel with me again.” the Doctor said. He knew better than to just straight out ask Gray to come with him. 

 

“Had plenty of time to think that past year. The year that never was. And I couldn’t stop thinking about that team of mine. I told them I would come back to them, and I can’t abandon them. Like you said Doctor, responsibility.”

 

“Defending the Earth. Can’t argue with that.” Tish gave him quite the earful back on the Valiant when she heard of his low opinion of Gray’s team. Apparently Gray told her about them.

 

The Doctor reached over and disabled Gray’s vortex manipulator.

 

“Hey I need that!”

 

“Can’t have you walking around with a time-travelling teleport. You could go anywhere. Twice. Second time to apologize.”   
  


“And what about me? Can you fix that? Will I ever be able to die?” Gray knew it was useless before the words came out of his mouth. He needed to try anyway.

 

“Nothing I can do. You’re an impossible thing, Gray.”

 

He laughed. “Been called that before.” he was just not going to say the circumstances. The Jones family already heard and seen enough of his bad experiences for a lifetime.

 

Gray turned around to smile widely at Martha. He slowly turned around.

 

“What about aging? I don’t want to be a billion years old and be a literal pile of sentient sand…”

 

“I really don’t know.” 

 

“Okay, uh, sorry. I was the cute one when I was a kid so…though that kind of went away when I joined the Time Agency. I was the first one ever to be signed up. Everyone back on the Bo-everyone back home was so proud.” Gray mumbled desperately trying to play off the idea he was completely fine. Doesn’t mean he can’t tease them a little. “The Heart of Boe, they called me.”

 

He saw both of their expressions fall.

 

Maybe he was this ‘Heart of Boe’ person Martha mentioned back at the end of the universe. He rather hoped so since Martha said ‘his dying words’.

 

He was alive for now. His team was alive. His team was alive, safe, and sane. He couldn’t wait to see them.


	20. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

“Hey did you redecorate in-” Gray was abruptly cut off by Gwen shoving him into the door behind him.

 

“You left us Gray!” She exclaimed.

 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Gray apologized.

 

“You only left us a bloody note and made us wait for you!” Gwen stated as she crossed her arms. Gray was silent. He almost didn’t even leave that for his team he was in such a rush to catch the Doctor. Maybe no matter what he’d done they still would’ve been furious with him anyway.

 

It was better than them being angry with him because the Master was making him beg for their lives when they’d rather escape whatever torture he had planned for them next. Gray hoped he hadn’t gone noticeably pale.

 

They all went silent.

 

“Where were you?” Tosh asked breaking the quiet tension in the air.

 

Gray smiled to keep himself from crying. “I found the Doctor.”

 

“Did he fix you?” Owen softly asked.

 

“Nah, turns out I’m an impossible thing.” Gray said with a easy shrug. “I came back, just as I said, for all of you.”

 

Anything else anyone had to say after that was interrupted by a Rift activity notification. 

 

* * *

 

A standard greeting for Gray Thane and this man who Gray had to ask what he was calling himself these days was at least one gun to the gut. 

 

The man interrupted that with solid punch to the face. Gray grinned, it’s been forever since he’s been in a good fist fight, and kicked him right in the bollocks. The man threw his shoulder into Gray’s gut. 

 

They continued to beat each other up until they finally drew out their guns again.

 

It was exhilarating in a way Gray hasn’t experienced in a long time. It was reminiscent of a time where he actually used to enjoy this, and when he needed ways to forget the screams and loss of that day back on the Boeshane Peninsula.

 

It felt just as strange and foreign as his short, relatively speaking, return to the TARDIS. 

 

They laughed as they spun around pointing a gun at the other’s head.

 

“You’re putting on weight!” the man said.

 

“You have a beard.” Gray replied as his face twisted. “It looks disgusting.”

 

“What are you wearing?”

 

“Gray Thane.” he said instead.

 

“You’re using your real name? Where’s the fun in that? Gunner Thomas. I need a drink.”

 

“I thought you’d never ask.” Gray replied as they both lowered their guns and went to the bar.

 

* * *

 

Gray wanted Gunner Thomas away from Cardiff, away from earth, away from this century as soon as possible. 

 

“He’s a compulsive liar. Why is he in the building?” Gwen said. Did she not think he was even more concerned about his former Time Agent partner being in his home than they were?

 

“As long as he’s getting something out of it there’s the tiniest chance one percent chance he’s breaking a habit of a lifetime and telling the truth. Which means this city is in danger.” Gray said. 

 

“What did he mean by a Time Agent? You never mentioned it.” Gwen asked as she stopped her trek into some of the lower levels of the base. Gray stopped beside her and turned.

 

“I’ll tell all of you when he’s gone.” Gray said. He didn’t want to, but Gunner wasn’t the only one who uses lies and uses the absence of information was a defensive tactic. He loves these people and he saw they all die right in front of his eyes. He is not letting them die again without them knowing he counted them as his family.

 

“Why do you do this?” Gwen asked crossing her arms. “Why do you shut us out?”

 

Gray thought he was doing a rather nice job actually being more honest with them. Then again it is probably terrifying to work for a man you know barely anything about and knew everything about you and you’ve seen the horrible acts he was capable of doing.

 

He would’ve hoped that his team wouldn’t bring it up with a person with unknown intentions in the Hub but it appears he actually has to exercise the whole honesty thing right now.

 

God help him.

 

“I have died so many times. Been dragged back to life, like being hauled over broken glass. I saw the end of everything, I saw the end of the world. I saw-” Gray couldn’t continue. He inhaled sharply and went quiet.

 

“How?” she asked, sounding confused and worried and a touch frightened at what could possibly shake up Gray so badly. She didn’t even see him flinch at those cannibals back at the countryside. 

 

“Doesn’t matter now. But after was all over I knew I belong here. I belong with you, Ianto, Tosh, and Owen. What kept me fighting as the thought of coming back to all of you.” Gray took her hand and was surprised to find a ring.

 

“Is this what I think it is?” Gray said when he noticed it was a diamond studded ring on her ring finger.

 

“Yes.” Gwen said when Gray held her hand to get a closer look. All the tension in the air drained instantly.

 

“Congratulations!” Gray said, all traces of his earlier melancholy disappeared and he was smiling widely now. “Rhys?”

 

“Of course you daft lump. Who else would it be?” The words were out of her mouth before she even realized she was thinking them. 

 

“We’re all invited right?” Gray eagerly asked.

 

“I thought you didn’t like romance?” Gwen asked sounding confused. And a tad...something else. “I’ll think about it. I don’t want you accidentally bringing an alien in your pocket to the ceremony or Owen using the Weevil spray on Rhys’ cousins.” she joked with a mostly genuine smile. 

 

Gray rolled his eyes. “I don’t experience romantic or sexual attraction Gwen. I still  _ adore _ a good love story. And that was one time and  _ hardly _ my fault! Although I’ll make sure we’re all the perfectly behaved.” He smiled again, gently grasped her upper arms, and placed a kiss on her forehead. “I’m so happy for you. And Rhys too!”

 

It was the best news he's heard since the Doctor told him Rose was alive.

 

* * *

 

“Oh wow, look at this office-y feel. This places are so weird to me. I’ve never had a normal job in normal place like this in my life!” Gray announced walking into the office with Ianto. 

 

Of course he didn’t say anything about the child soldier part, or technically joining the Time Agency underage, or everything that came after.

 

“The Rift was active at these coordinates approximately 200 feet above ground. That means this floor or the roof.”

 

“How are you Ianto?” Gray asked leaning on a post.

 

“All the better for having you back, sir.” Ianto said shuffling through a drawer.    
  


“Can we maybe join the ‘sir’ now? When I was away I was thinking about what Owen said about not knowing stuff about me. Maybe when this is done we can all eat dinner as a team and I can tell you guys more about me.”

 

“Are you offering to actually tell us about yourself? Is the world ending?” 

 

Gray flinched. He loved Ianto’s dry humour, but that one struck a bit too close to home. He guessed it really did take the end of the world these days to get him to admit anything. “Not this time.” he said with a smile trying to keep his tone playful. “I couldn’t stop thinking about all of you when I was gone. I want you, all of you, to be able to trust me.”

 

Seeing his team mad, seeing his team dead it broke something in Gray during that year that never was. They were his companions as much as Martha or Rose was for the Doctor, and he loved them so much. He didn’t want them to ever die (again) not knowing the extent in which he loved them.

 

Ianto continued looking. “That sounds great Gray. I’ll tell the others and discuss restaurant options later.” 

 

After they both decided who’d take the floor and who’d take the roof Ianto had one more thing to ask. “Why are we helping him?”

 

“He’s a reminder of my past. He’s from a part of my past I am ashamed of and I want him gone.” 

 

* * *

 

“Ah yes you’ve found the obviously-placed canister.” Gunner said walking up from behind Gray.

 

Gray’s phone started ringing.

 

“Cute boy ringing to call you about me.” Gunner said snatching the phone from his hands and throwing beside him. “Canister.” he demanded.

 

“ _ If you’ve harmed them in any way… _ ” he hissed out.

 

“You know, they’re pretty but stupid. I never thought I’d see the day Gray Thane gets duped by a pretty face and much less four. Just give it here.”

 

“Radiation cluster bombs? Really?”

 

“Let’s not get hung up by details.” Gunner sighed dramatically.

 

“A little embarrassing that you needed help finding them.” 

 

“Uh, little humiliating you feel for the scam. Your dolly birds did all my leg work.”  

 

“Is that what you wanted?”

 

“What I want is for you to come to your senses. Join me Gray. Back to the old routine. We could be emperors. How can you stay tied to one planet when there’s thousands of worlds sparkling with wonder? I recall you being _very_ enthusiastic to visit them before.”

 

That was back when he had hope of ever finding his brother.

 

“W should be up there, among the stars, claiming them for our own. Just like before.”

 

“I can’t.” Gray whispered. He belonged here now. Torchwood was home. Gwen, Ianto, Tosh, and Owen they were his home. He had too much responsibility here.

 

“Why not? What the hell is there to keep you here?” Gunner demanded sweeping his arm over the Cardiff skyline. He completely missed the beauty of it. “Come onnnnnn! I know you want to…The glitter of the galaxy. The mischief we would make.”

 

Gray and Gunner stared at each other. 

 

“You know. You never really mastered that temptation spiel.” Gray said finally.

 

“It’s not a spiel, it’s fact.”

 

“Move on! Here I am, in a new life, and you’re still churning out the same old tunes. And, sorry, but they don’t play as well now you’re looking a bit older. And what are they, wrinkles around your eyes?”

 

“Laugh lines!”

 

“Oh hell of a good joke!  _ Grow the fuck up _ .” 

 

“It’s you I’m laughing at. Canister.”

 

Gray threw it behind him and said an exaggerated ‘whoops!’

 

Gunner smiled. Gray laughed.

 

He pushed Gray off the side of the building. 

 

“Whoops.” Gunner muttered.

 

* * *

 

“I want you gone.” Gray said to Gunner once they didn’t have to fear for Gwen’s life.

 

“Well, we’ve got to work out a way to get off first.” Gwen said raising her cuffed hand.

 

“Actually.” Gunner said reaching inside his mouth. “Old artisan trick. Keep it in the lining of the throat. It has a lot of uses.”

 

“You had that all along?” Gwen asked, looking very pleasant. 

 

“You were my passport to survival.” he said unlocking the cuffs. “No hard feelings? Well not in that sense.”

 

Gwen delivered a solid punch to his face.

 

Gray giggled.

 

“Remind me to never get on your bad side.” Ianto said, as they pulled her into their group away from Gunner.

 

Gray cleared his throat and held out his hand. Gunner gave him his vortex manipulator.

 

“If you need a need a new team member-”

 

“No.”

 

“Really? I could-”

 

“No.”

 

“But-”

 

“No.” Gray said one last time, and everyone knew nothing would change his mind. “Go now and you can harness the residual rift energy.” 

 

“Listen-”

 

“Goodbye.”

 

A moment of silence before Gunner, for once in his life, took the hint and whispered “Okay.”  

 

He kissed him on the forehead. He rested his head there for a long moment and then whispered “ _ Mine _ .” before he walked away from Gray.

 

The golden light of the rift energy surrounded Gunner, but he wasn’t finished yet.

 

“Oh by the way.” he said, and then he said  _ those words _ .

 

It has been lifetimes since he’s heard his brother’s name.

 

Gray stood there, staring at Gunner, and in a flash saw his brother’s arm pushing him into running and hiding.

 

“Who was he talking about?”

 

“It’s...It’s…” Gray couldn't make his tongue work the way he wanted it to. “I-I can’t talk about it. Please don’t make me talk about it.” he knew he said he'd tell them more about himself, but that was the one thing he wasn't ready to delve into at all.

 

And even with their endless curiosity about Gray, they didn’t push it.


	21. Sleeper

“Making friends?” Tosh asked, her body language betrayed her amusement, when Gray was finally able to get the police constanable out of the room. 

 

It’s been ages since he’s used flirting and/or innuendo as a weapon to throw people off, but the policeman wouldn’t leave and Gray needed him out so they could investigate scene of the crime.

 

What he said to man was actually pretty funny because Gray didn’t even have a house, and he had absolutely no idea how to play hockey. In all his time in 20th and 21st century Earth he never learned and at this point he was almost afraid to ask. 

 

“Not really.” he huffed before kneeling down to examine to the body of the burglar. “What do you got?” he asked before she could make a joke at his expense.

 

* * *

 

“‘Just us and this room for as long as it takes’ Terrifying.” Ianto said to Gray when he came back from the interrogation room. Ianto’s face looked completely serious, and Gray couldn’t immediately tell whether he was being honest or not.

 

“Really?” Because Ianto was known for his dry wit, but terrifying was definitely what he was aiming for.

 

“Absolutely. Shivers down my spine.”

 

“You don’t look scared.” Gray pointed out.

 

“Oh, it passed.”

 

There was the punchline. Duped again. Gray flicked him on the forehead. “Teach you to question my interrogation technique.” He then turned towards Tosh and asked about her progress on Beth’s body scan.

 

* * *

 

When Tosh recognized the device Gray was setting up she had to speak up.

 

“You said we weren’t allowed to use that again.” 

 

“It’s just a mind probe.” He declared although he could understand why Tosh would be uncomfortable with a device that gets into people’s heads. 

 

“You remember what happened last time we used it?” Ianto asked. And Gray could understand why Ianto was uncomfortable with it.

 

“That was different. That species has extremely high blood pressure.”

 

“Oh, right. Their heads must explode all the time.” Ianto sarcastically said and Gwen looked extremely alarmed by this new information.

 

Gray winced. They had made him exclusively responsible for cleaning up the alien brains splattered all over the Hub. 

 

“Gray you can’t do this. What if you’re wrong? If she is human, it will kill her.” Gwen said.

 

“I’m not wrong.” Gray announced certainly. Ianto sat down in the mind probe chair. “We have to find out what she is.”

 

“Take it easy Gray. Stop at the first sign of trouble.” Tosh said adamantly before walking away to do something else.

 

“Or the first sign of exploding.” Ianto cut in. 

 

Gray ignored him and asked Gwen to bring Beth up.

 

Ianto pretended to be electrocuted in the chair and Gray pointed at him with a “hey”.

 

Gray could really get used to this easy banter with his team.

 

* * *

 

“Will it hurt?” Beth asked.

 

“Yes.” Gray responded, not seeing the point of lying to her. Either he told her and she knew to expect pain, or he doesn’t and she gets surprised by it. 

 

Gray personally didn’t know which was worse, but he told her the truth anyway.

 

She looked annoyed and a bit surprised when she said “Your bedside manner is rubbish.”

 

Gwen smiled and in an attempt to lighten the mood said “His bed manners are probably awful. He’s probably a blanket hog.”

 

“He snores.” Ianto declared. 

 

Gray cleared his throat pointedly. 

 

If endlessly teasing him is what he gets from telling them more about him then they’ll see if he shares anything more with them. 

 

He still didn’t regret it.

 

* * *

 

That day that Gray met the Doctor, he heard him joyfully declare that ‘Just this once, everybody lives!’

 

This day, with his Torchwood, it was the exact opposite.

 

Gray knew Gwen believed and wanted to save Beth. Another time she tried to care about someone while working in Torchwood only to have it blow up in her face, and compared to other attempts this one must be the hardest to swallow. He continued inspected the blade that broke off of Beth. 

 

Gwen walked into his office with her hands in her pockets and a heavy blanket of sadness surrounding her. “Do you think we stopped it?” she asked softly after a long moment of silence.

 

Gray decided to be honest with her. “Maybe. Maybe we just put it off for a while, I don’t know. We don’t know anything.”

 

“We know know plenty.” she corrected. “We know about the implant. We know how to disable their force-field. We know how they attack. We know that they can be killed. And while they think they have the element of surprise, we know they haven’t. But until that day we just keep doing what we do.”

 

“Oh! Them be fightin’ words, they be, Gwen!” Gray grinned widely. It wasn’t until that moment Gray realized how much he missed Gwen’s indomitable spirit back on the Valiant.

 

She smiled back. They both chuckled for a moment before the joke dissipated.

 

But they needed to move on. They needed to move forward. 

 

“So have you set a date?” he asked, allowing some of his inner enthusiasm shine through. He still couldn’t believe she was getting married. And he thinks she’s one of the few people in Torchwood’s long, long history whose relationship actually strengthened while working for them.

 

If she’s doing it for the right reasons. 

 

“Oh don’t get me started, please. My mam’s already been on the phone, saying, ‘What about the local church Gwen? It’s ever so lovely.’”

 

As much as he’d actually love to hear and contribute to that conversation he knew Gwen was still likely to start drifting. “Go home.”

 

There was a long stretch of silence. “Keep doing what we do.” he added with a small smile.

They nodded at each other and Gwen left with a “Good night, Gray.”

 

He waited several moments before picking up the blade again. He heard the Doctor’s voice again, and he couldn’t help but look up.

 

Death by Torchwood.


	22. Last Man Standing

“Who is he?” Gwen asked as she held a picture of a soldier. Gray dragged her into his office as soon as she showed up for work that day and so far he over handed her the picture.

 

She wondered what shenanigans they were going to be dragged into today.

 

“Thomas Reginald Brockless.” Gray explained after changing the date on his old-fashioned calendar.

 

“Tommy.” Ianto simplified leaning on a wall.

 

“Twenty-four years old.” Gray stated, the best way he could think of to start this particular conversation.

 

“Sort of.” Ianto added. 

 

“Well, he’s either twenty-four or he’s not.” Gwen said.

 

Gray raised his eyebrows and got up from his desk as Ianto was saying “Depends how you work it out.”

 

“All right, when was he born?” Gwen asked putting down the files and half sitting on the desk, with a rather know-it-all attitude.

 

This conversation was going to be fun.

 

“1894.” Gray announced with a grin. It was a bit too flash for his taste, but he was actually having fun teasing Gwen with this. It was still strange to think about how new she still was to the team and Torchwood.

 

Both Ianto and him walked out of his office after that.

 

Gwen continued smiling for a long moment before it melted into a look of bafflement. 

 

Bloody Torchwood.

 

* * *

 

Gray continued to explain to Gwen about the hospital, Tommy, the temporal locked container, and what they needed to do when Tosh and Tommy walked into the office. 

 

“Ta-da!” Tosh exclaimed throwing her hands up to present Tommy to the rest of them.

 

Gwen and Gray looked at each other.

 

“Seriously. What do you think?” Tommy asked.

 

“You look like a film star!” Gwen said with a grin.

 

“Who? Charlie Chaplin?” he asked before Gwen laughed and Tosh hit him and said “C’mon.”

 

Tosh went to grab her coat and Tommy followed her. Gray and Gwen leaned on the doorway to Gray’s office.

 

“Gray, have you got anymore of those pretty boys in the freezer?” Gwen asked.

 

“Hands off missy, Tosh got there first.” Gray replied.

 

They watched Tommy help Tosh into her coat, and everyone could see Gray’s dopey grin at the sight.

 

“Thanks for holding the fort while I’m out.” she told Owen as she slung her purse over her shoulder. 

 

“No worries, have fun. Be careful.” he replied as he sat down at her workstation.

 

“Where are you off?” Gwen asked. 

 

“Drink, film, maybe a pizza.” Tosh said, turning to Tommy. 

 

Gwen and Gray made an approving “Ah.” and “Very nice.”

 

“I’ll be on the mobile if you need me.” Tosh said finally walking out. 

 

“Have a lovely time.” Gwen said.

 

“Bye.” Gray said. 

 

Gwen waited until they were out of earshot and said “He’s a frozen soldier from 1918.” She winced.

 

Gray’s goofy smile evaperated. God, was Tosh ever going to find a healthy, functional, and normal relationship? He knew they were going to need Tommy.

 

He pushed himself off of the doorframe and walked away without another word.

 

* * *

  
  


Later Ianto was showing Gwen pictures of the people who gave them this mission.

 

“He’s a bit of all right.” Gwen said.

 

“He’s the boss.” Ianto said.

 

“Nothing changes.” Gwen grinned as she looked up at Ianto.

 

“She’s alright too.” Ianto said. “Harriet Derbyshire.”

 

“Wonder what happened to her.”

 

Ianto looked at Gwen. “She died the year after that was taken. Twenty-six years old.” 

 

He could hear the screams of his co-workers back at Torchwood One. He saw the blood and smelled burnt flesh and tasted agony in the air. He touched the body of his fiancee and felt both flesh and metal under his fingers.

 

He had stared into the faces of the dead Cybermen and saw they had dips under their eyes that looked like tears. He never wondered about that design choice. Ianto Jones knew better than anyone still alive about how a Cyberman was made.

 

They say one Cyberman cried black tears. 

 

“So young.” Gwen said.

 

The youngest archivist Ianto knew was twenty-four. Same age as Tommy. Younger than Harriet. He saw their body when he was dragging Lisa’s half converted body through the wreckage.

 

They were all too young for what happened that day. 

 

“They all were.” Ianto said. He held up the picture. “Nothing changes.” he muttered echoing Gwen’s earlier words in a much more sombre manner. He vaguely wondered when this Torchwood was going to get them. It wasn’t something he thought about often. He couldn’t live his life with the anticipation of his impending death.

 

Gwen thought for a long moment and abruptly stood up. Ianto pulled back the photo from a quickly exiting Gwen.

 

“Where are you going?” He asked. 

 

“St. Teilo’s Hospital.” Gwen replied. “And bloody cheer up will you?”

 

Ianto pressed his mouth together. He wondered if Gwen knew.

 

* * *

 

Gray was doing paperwork when Ianto walked into his office. “This time tomorrow he’ll be back in 1918.” He said not looking at him.

 

“In his own time.” Ianto replied. “Would you back to yours? If you could.”

 

Gray looked up from the paperwork with a look of bafflement. “No.” he said instantly.

 

“Why not?” Ianto asked.

 

“I left home a long time ago. All I know is I belong here with Torchwood and all of you.”

 

“I know you get lonely.” Ianto pointed out as he walked over and sat on Gray’s desk. It’s true he does, and part of that is because he can’t share himself anymore like he used to, but for these people he loved and for these people who are his companions in life right now he sure as hell will try.  

 

“Going home wouldn’t fix that.” Gray said resolutely finally shutting the file. “Being here I’ve seen things I’ve never dreamt I’d see. Loved people I never would've known if I had just stayed where I was. And I wouldn’t change that for the world.”

 

He wouldn’t. For all the pain and heartbreak and lost chance to find his brother he suffers he wouldn’t change meeting any of the amazing people he loves or had loved. 

 

They stared at each other for a long moment before Ianto wrapped his arms around Gray. He hugged Ianto just as desperately and gently rubbed his back. Ianto delicately scratched the back of his neck.

 

Ianto could hear the screams of Canary Wharf get farther away. Not gone, just...less noticeable. Gray could hear the screams of the Boeshane Peninsula get further away. The creatures’ howls made his ears ring, but he focused on Ianto’s heartbeat instead. 

 

They sat like that for a long while and just held onto each other with everything they had.

 

* * *

 

Tosh heard Owen lean of the fence right next to her. She didn’t acknowledge him as she continued to watch the bay. 

 

“He trusted me. Right to the end.” she finally said. 

 

“Because you were strong.” Owen replied. Toshiko looked at him.

 

“All of this:” He said making a sweeping gesture of the bay “is still here because of you.”

 

Tosh gently shook her head. “Because of Tommy.” Tosh was silent for a long moment. “Let’s hope we’re worth it.” she added pushing herself off the fence and walking back to base.

 

Owen watched her walk away.

  
  


It was becoming a habit of Gray’s to have an awful track record with his team’s lovers. 

 

He asked Tosh to essentially kill Tommy. Torchwood sentenced Thomas Brockless to death and worse still with no memory of the brilliant Toshiko Sato.

 

God he really did look like a liar when he told the Doctor he changed Torchwood.


	23. Meat

Gwen Cooper should’ve known as soon as they found out the meat case involved Rhys’ firm that she was in trouble. 

 

Him and Torchwood seemed far too close for comfort. Last time they were this close or closer Rhys ended up dead in her arms. She never wanted them to cross again after that. 

 

Rhys was what made her different than the others. More connected. He made her better.

 

And when she lost him she betrayed Gray, unleashed a demon on Cardiff, and almost permanently killed her best friend.

 

Gwen Cooper only ever wanted Rhys Williams to be safe. She wanted him safe and so far away from Torchwood.

 

* * *

 

Rhys’ painfully obvious normal struck a stark contrast to Torchwood’s abnormal. If the situation wasn’t odd enough for Gwen then she found out Rhys discovered a way for them to get in. 

 

The entire day was surreal and kind of awful. She didn’t show it but she was nervous letting him back into the Hub. Last time he was here he ended up dead in her arms.

 

And now her team was putting him in danger, and he was consenting to it. She wasn’t even sure he knew what he was really getting himself into. Or does she not want to admit he does but he going to do it anyway?

 

This Rhys, the one putting himself in danger for her, was also a sharp contrast to the big hearted and bumbling Rhys she’s always known and wanted to keep safe. 

 

“I thought you worked for anti-terrorism or something.” He said later when him and Gwen sat on the worn couch. “That was bad enough, but knowing you are in this much danger-”

 

“Yeah you’d feel like I do now.” She paused as Owen passed them. “Worried sick.” A long moment passed before she added “You don’t have to do this to prove anything to me.”

 

She had to know he knew that. Rhys Williams had nothing to prove to her. She loved him unconditionally. Rhys didn’t have to put himself in danger to prove he was as good as anyone here.  He waited until Owen passed again before he started talking.

 

“And I’m not leaving you here with all these sexy young men.” 

 

She grinned. “There’s only one from where I’m sitting.” she said before kissing him. He eagerly recoipirated.

 

She could feel Gray grinning at her when he looked up from some book he was reading. She ignored him.

 

Gwen Cooper was in love with Rhys Williams.  

 

He already was better than anyone here.

 

* * *

 

“What have they done to you?” Gray said before placing a gentle hand on the suffering creature.

 

Their agonized wails echoed inside the warehouse, echoed inside their minds, and echoed inside their hearts.

 

Any comment any of them potentially had dissipated. 

 

Gray had to close his eyes against the auditory onslaught the feeling of cut flesh against his fingertips. Shockingly, he was barely able to hold back tears. 

 

He knew what it was like to be just a piece of meat that's it's only purpose is its usefulness to others. He knew twice over now.

 

This whale’s value to their captors was food. His was entertainment.

 

He could feel the Master hovering over his body and smell the sickly stench of rotting corpses. His team’s his  _ family's _ dead bodies surrounding him as the Master killed him over and over.

 

He could feel knives in his body and blood running down his oversensitive skin as he came back to life over and over. He could feel a small piece of his sanity disappear with every resurrection as he could only cry and scream. He could see the one who betrayed him looking more and more guilty amongst the fearing crowd. 

 

His and this beautiful creature’s suffering was done right here on the Doctor’s beloved earth by his beloved human race. This creature had only seen the awful side of Earth and its complicated inhabitants. 

 

Maybe his brother suffers the same fate. Gray knew better than anyone those creatures loved to torture, and he never found his brother’s body...

 

He can’t think about it. He can’t think about Cloud in this creature’s place or even in his own place. He can’t he can’t  _ he can’t _ .

 

“What have they  _ done _ to you?” Gray whispered again trying his hardest not to start crying right then and there. 

 

* * *

 

“What did you do?” Gray asked Owen after the creature became more and more quiet.

 

“Mercy killing.” Owen said panting as he looked away from the creaturer and slapped the air in frustration.

 

Gray walked close to whale and gently stroked them. He hoped they could feel him small attempt of comfort.

 

Yet another mercy killing. Gray closed his eyes in grief, for the whale and for Lisa and for his former team and for everyone in his long life that faced death as a release from suffering, and let out a pained exhale. 

 

Part of him knew this might be the only way, but got once Gray wanted to save an alien with his Torchwood. Just once he wanted everyone to live.

 

Owen went over to where Gwen was holding a barely conscious Rhys and helped her with the bleeding before walking up to the creature.

 

“I’m sorry.” He was saying. “I’m so so sorry.” 

 

Tosh walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He grasped it desperately.

 

Gray continued to gently pet them. 

 

None of them said another word.

 

* * *

 

Gwen could see why Gray told her that her love for Rhys made her vulnerable.

 

And maybe he’s right. Gwen still doesn’t care.

 

She believes that loving people is what makes people human. It leaves you vulnerable, but it can inspire people to  _ fight _ .

 

Rhys almost died because he loved her, but he fought for her because he loved her.

 

Her bumbling, loving Rhys took a bullet because he loved her. And she loved him because he reminds her to remain human in never ending storm of Torchwood.

 

* * *

 

Gwen stormed into the Hub, furious and determined, and made her opinion clear.

 

“I’m not doing it. I’m not drugging him.” 

 

She already did that once. She refuses to do it again.

 

“You have to.” Tosh said. 

 

“You can’t allow him to remember.” Owen put in.

 

“It’s the rules.” Ianto added.

 

“But none of you have partners outside of this.” 

 

“But we understand how you feel.” Gray said.

 

“No, you don't. No, you don't, Gray. You all think it's cold and lonely out there. But it isn't for me because I have him. He matters. And I've lied to him for long enough. What he did today was so brave, braver than any of us because we signed up for this. But he didn't. He did it because he loves me, and I won't take that away from him. I won't. And if that means I have to quit or you Retcon me or whatever, then fine. Fine.”

 

She didn’t love Gray. She loved what he represented. She loved the starlight in his eyes and all that was strange and wonderful about Torchwood. 

 

He would kill Rhys if he ever became a problem. Like Lisa and Mary and who knew who else he killed. 

 

No more. Any love she had for Gray died today. Her Rhys, her wonderful and normal Rhys was better than Gray’s action hero facade.

 

Gray looked back at Ianto and walked decidedly towards Gwen “You really think you could go back to your old life before Torchwood?”

 

“I wouldn't know anything different.” Gwen shot back.

 

Gray loved this team. He loved every single one of them as family; he loved them as his companions in this institution and right at this moment he couldn’t let any of them go.

 

The creature’s agonized wails rang in his ears.

 

“I would. Give Rhys my love, and I will see you tomorrow.”

 

He felt Tosh, Owen, and Ianto staring at him. 

 

Gray watched Gwen and Rhys kiss and then leave side by side, and the scene did not cause his usual grin.

 

The day’s events weighed too heavily on all of them to find them adorable.


	24. Adam

Gray Thane walked into the holding cells. This, of course, wasn’t abnormal. Nothing about today was abnormal.

 

Maybe Gwen messing around with Adam and pretending to not know who he was was a bit on the odd side but nothing to really be worried about.

 

Janet snarled at him and he sharply turned and snapped out a “Save it!” and turned around to go back to what he was doing. 

 

He saw a figure in the next cell from the corner of his eye. He stopped and turned to find his brother standing there.

 

The image of his brother’s arm pushing him flashed behind his eyes.

 

It...it was happening again. He was seeing a mirage of his brother again. He knew he wasn’t still angry with his team because he loved them and forgave them. Despite that why was he seeing this memory of someone long gone?

 

He stood there for a long moment and breathing heavily before he heard Gwen’s voice calling his name. He snapped over to her.

 

Gray turned to look in the cell again and found it empty. 

 

He turned back and started walking towards Gwen.

 

Gray made a scene a playful teasing for her, but when she walked away he looked back to the cells worriedly.

 

* * *

 

“What was that all about?” Gray asked Ianto as they walked away from Gwen’s flat. 

 

Why on earth would she not remember Rhys? It was one of the strangest things he’s seen in a long while. 

 

“Temporary amnesia. Owen’s checking possible causes. Oh!” Ianto explained before throwing the SUV keys to Gray.

 

Gray turned around to find the image of his brother again. 

 

He froze. He stared.

 

“Weevil sighting by the sewer in Rockall Street. Gray? Gray!” 

 

Gray kept staring. “Do you see him?” He croaked as he pointed to the figure.

 

“Who?” Ianto asked.

 

He turned to look disbelievingly at Ianto, but when he turned back his brother was gone. 

 

He looked back and forth for a moment. “I’ll drop you off and check out the sighting.” He said getting into the SUV.

 

“I could come with you. It’s been a while since we’ve hung out like actual pals.” After a moment Ianto seemed to realize something. “Is this one of those things you can’t talk about?”

 

Gray exhaled sharply. “Yeah.”

 

Ianto said nothing else. He looked torn between his hatred for Gray keeping secrets and his respect for him as a friend.

 

Gray was too shaken to say anything else.

 

* * *

 

Gray flinched back when he instantly recognized the clothes his torch just illuminated.

 

“Be careful! Be careful, baby.” A woman’s voice said as the figure stepped closer. 

 

Gray shook his head slightly. “ _ Mum _ ?”

 

“It’s not safe! Run my boy!” she exclaimed pointing to where he came in through.

 

He was snapped out of his stupor, and  automatically, thoughtlessly Gray ran. He groped behind him for someone else’s hand to only find empty air.

 

* * *

 

“Gray, please, talk to me!” Adam begged as he followed Gray. “What about the past? Is it your childhood?”

 

Gray sharply turned around. When he said nothing Adam walked closer.

 

He put a hand on his shoulder and lied about being his confidant. 

 

“No matter how hard I try I can’t bury it. I wanted it buried for over 150 years ago. Why only now I see their ghosts?” he snapped before walking away.

 

“Well maybe it’s time!” Adam said chasing him. “Maybe until now your subconscious has been protecting you. But you can’t block out the past forever.”   
  


Gray sharply turned and stood very close and very aggressively in front of him. Adam did not stand down. “I can’t afford to remember everything about that day.” 

 

Adam stared for a long moment before chasing him again. “Gray talk to me please!”

 

“Why?”   
  


“I can help, trust me.” 

 

“I’m not sure I should do this.” Gray admitted softly. 

 

“Just tell me what you see. I can help you. That’s what I’m here for.”   
  


Gray closed his eyes.

 

“Where are you Gray?”

 

_ Gray Thane stands on a beach in from of the grey ocean of home. Suddenly he’s a kid. His long curls spills on his shoulders as he feels the clothes of home against his skin. _

 

He gasped.

 

_ A so much tinier version of him runs on the beach and flops down on the beach in front of the spinning pinwheels.  _

 

Gray laughed. It sounded like an exhale.

 

“Boeshane Peninsula. My childhood home.” Gray paused. “We lived under the threat of invasion.”

 

_ Him and his brother running. Running fast than they ever had before.  _

 

“They came without warning. We thought they’d pass over us, like they always did.”

 

_ Gray hiding in the roots of a tree. He hid his face in his shirt then knees then the sand. His brother said not to peek until it was silent. _

 

“But they didn’t. Not that day.”

 

“Who?” Adam asked. 

 

“The most horrible creatures you could ever possibly imagine. Their howls travelled before them.”

 

_ Dad running up to Gray and Cloud.  _

 

_ “Run! Take Gray, keep him safe.” _

 

“My dad told...told my brother to take me-he tried to get dad to come, but he said he had to get mum.” he sharply exhaled and tried to continue without crying. “We were running. My brother’s hand crushing mine-”

 

_ The boys were running. Faster than ever before. Cloud took a wrong step and cried out as he fell. Gray went down with him. He gripped his ankle with his free hand. _

 

_ “Gray go! Go hide in that tree there! Don’t look until it’s quiet.” He said pushing Gray to act. Gray’s lower lip trembled and he looked about to cry. “GO GRAY!” Cloud shouted and the younger boy finally ran. _

 

“H-he fell! I don’t don’t know if he twisted or broke his ankle but he knew we could never get away with him like that.” 

 

_ When it was quiet Gray finally looked up. He didn’t see his brother. He screamed his name. _

 

“He told me to run and hide! When I came out he was nowhere to be found. I ran all the way home hoping I’d see him again.” He was doing a terrible job not crying.

 

_ The little boy screamed for his brother as he ran across the beach. _

 

“What did you find?” Adam asked.

 

Gray buried his face in his hands.

 

_ Gray found his dad’s blood drenched corpse. He screamed for help, but nobody came. _

 

“I looked for him for years.” Gray was saying. “I never found him. Dead or alive.”   
  


“It wasn’t your fault-”

 

“He shouldn’t have been responsible for my fate! He was a child himself and he sacrificed his life for mine! He was my hero and I lost him. It was the worst day of my life!”

 

Gray meant that. Out of all the days he’s had being tortured, used, hurt, abused, sick, dying, living that remained the worst day of his existence. 

 

He stormed off then.

 

_ He saw his mum run over and he made room for her.  _

 

_ “Franklin? Franklin wake up! Please.” _

 

_ “Mummy?” Gray softly said. She turned and quickly scooped him into her arms. After a moment she realized one of her children were missing. _

 

_ “Where’s your brother?”  _

 

_ Gray finally burst into tears. She held him tighter. “I’ll find him mummy! I’ll find him.” he said between gasping sobs. _

 

* * *

 

“Our memories define us.” Gray told the team as they sat in the conference room. “Adam changed those memories. Changed who we are. Now I have to help you all go back. Find a memory that defines you. Rediscover who you are.”

 

Gray listened to their memories and felt honored. These memories that made his team who they are and he has the privilege to hear their joy, suffering, comfort, and tragedy.

 

He heard about Rhys. Lisa, Tosh’s maths club, Owen’s mother, Tosh’s flat, and other fundamentals to who they were.

 

Gwen declared she loved Rhys. She turned to Gray. “I’ve always loved Rhys more than I might have loved you.”

 

Gray’s face was unreadable in that moment. 

 

He handed her the retcon pill and gently lowered her head. He did the same for each one of them and said a little something he sincerely hoped they’ll carry with them back when all this is over.

 

He saw Tosh’s beacon of brilliance, Owen’s need to be saved, and Ianto’s need for meaning.

 

Gray will try his hardest to change Torchwood. For them. So they could live.

  
  


* * *

 

Gray did something very, very and extremely stupid.

 

He let Adam back into his memories. 

 

The feeling of hypocrisy left a slimy feeling in his chest, but the last good memory of his big brother?

 

“It’s early evening. I’m running towards him and dad. I’m interrupting their game of catch, but he’s not mad. He’s never mad at me.”

 

“Are you there?” Adam asked.

 

Gray’s face was twisted but he nodded.

 

_ The younger boy runs up to his brother and throws himself at him. He catches him and spins them around. They talk about playing another game. Dad hit the ball somewhere and he automatically volunteers to get it. _

 

_ There’s another boy there. He’s not supposed to be here. _

 

Adam saw Gray’s smile fall.

 

“Some other boy is there. I don’t know him.”

 

_ Gray gets angry at young Adam. He doesn’t want him to play. He pushes him. _

 

_ “Hey what’s going on here?” dad runs down and asks Adam whether he’s okay. _

 

_ Adam keeps going on about wanting to play. Gray is adamant he can’t. _

 

_ Gray isn’t usually like this. As a child he was exceedingly soft-spoken. He would never act like this. Child Gray also knew Adam didn’t belong here. _

 

_ Cloud’s disappointment in him was almost too much to bare.  _

 

“No!” a fully grown Gray says when his dad says they were going home. “We don’t leave yet. We play some more, it gets dark. We light a fire. Mum joins us.”

 

Adam ruined the memory.

 

He begged for the real one back but Adam’s demands...Gray can’t give it to him. He did something foolish and this was his punishment. The permanent loss of the last good memory of his brother.

 

He can’t have forced the others to forget only for him to fail. He can’t have let Tosh lose the feeling of love so he can be a fucking hypocrite. 

 

He can’t love the memory enough to sacrifice everything else. He can’t love anything or anyone that much.

 

Adam taunted him. Without breaking eye contact; without so much wiping the tears streaming on his face away Gray reached in his pocket and pulled out a retcon pill.

 

The grin on Adam’s face faded. He declared all that Gray was going to lose when he took that pill but he had already lost. He'd remember that day, but that good memory will be gone.

 

Gray would rather have no memory of the last happy day with his family than the poisoned one.

 

Without so much as a goodbye Gray took the pill.

 

Adam faded out of existence but Gray didn’t care. He didn’t bother to look as he eased himself down onto the floor.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I’m-” Gray mumbled over and over as his memory self leaked into his conscious brain. 

 

Gray didn’t know what he was apologizing for. To his brother for abandoning him? To his team for not taking the pill right away? To his dad and brother for the last memory of all three of them being ruined?

 

Gray still hadn’t decided when he finally nodded off.

 

* * *

 

Even by Torchwood standards losing two days with no evidence of what they were doing during that time is extremely weird. So was what Tosh and Owen was wearing. And the flowers. And finding the name ‘Adam’ on one of the artifact bags.

 

He took his time looking for the place the missing piece of the box that fell out. It was only when he started walking away it opened.

 

Gray poured out it’s contents into his hand. It was sand.

 

He recognized this sand.

 

An uneasy feeling settled in his stomach.


	25. Reset

“Gray your VIP visitor is here.” Ianto said over the intercom. They were all in Autopsy and preparing for whatever Owen might find in this mysterious victim when Ianto interrupted them. 

 

They had never seen Gray run so fast when there wasn’t a weevil chasing him. 

 

“I didn’t realize we were having a visitor.” Gwen declared as all of them left what they were doing to look at who Gray was so thrilled to see.

 

“Suddenly, in the underground mortuary on a wet night in Cardiff I hear the song on the nightingale.” Gray said with a huge grin.

 

They all looked past him as the cogwheel door rolled back to reveal a young, professionally dressed woman.

 

“Miss Martha Jones.” He declared as he grinned hugely and Martha smiled back just as cheerfully.

 

She walked up to Gray, put down her things, and engulfed Gray in a huge hug. He hugged back just as fiercely.

 

“Oh, it’s good to see you Gray!” ‘Miss Martha Jones’ declared. She looked exceedingly happy to see him. They couldn’t help but wonder how long they’ve known each other.

 

Gray giggled in agreement. He turned to the rest of the team and began to introduce each one of them and ended with introducing Martha to them too.

 

“Just a casual visit or…?” Owen said as Martha picked up her things and walked past him.

 

“I’m here to complete your post-mortem.” she replied.

 

At Owen’s confused frown Gray spoke up as he followed Martha. “Dr. Jones is from UNIT.” 

 

A second of silence.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, sorry. I get a bit confused.” Gwen said. “Which one’s UNIT?” she added as they poured into Autopsy. It was still strange to realize how much she still didn’t know.

 

“Intelligence, military, silly red caps. The acceptable face of intelligence gathering on aliens. We’re more...ad hoc.”

 

Martha fondly rolled her eyes. She started to explain she was working in the same case with UNIT and the light, friendly air dissipated.  

 

* * *

 

“How is the family?” Gray asked later. Him and Martha were in his office, and it was just them.

 

“Getting better. They send their love.” Martha said.

 

“Give them mine.” Gray said softly.

 

“So, End of the World Survivors’ Club. Well more members than the usual number here.” Gray said clearly not forgetting the rest of the Joneses. His words were joking but his tone was heavy.

 

“God, I’m so happy to see you, Gray! You really need to visit us sometime.” 

 

A long pause before: “Do you miss him?” he asked.

 

“No. I made my choice.” 

 

Gray playfully glared. “Maybe sometimes.” He made a ‘I knew it!’ sound at her and she quickly defended herself. “A tiny bit. Tiny, tiny. Then I come to my senses again. Anyway I got plenty to occupy me.”

 

“Oh, yeah! Miss. Hifalutin. What is it, Medical Officer?”

 

“Oh, yes.” she confirmed proudly as she casually leaned back in her chair.

 

“So do I have to call you ‘ma’am’?”

 

“No. Just follow my orders to the letter.” She replied.  They laughed.

 

“You should’ve called me if you were looking for a job. I wasn’t kidding when I told you and your family if you ever needed me just call.”

 

“I wasn't. This woman from UNIT rang out of the blue, said I was just what they needed. That I'd come highly recommended by an impeccable source.” she said. “Don’t forget they said they said the same thing mister!”

 

“You mean?” Gray asked pointing up. He didn’t need to say anything more for Martha to know who he was talking about.

 

“Well, who else would have done it?”

 

“He must have thought he owed you a favour. Guess we all do.” Gray said. He wasn’t angry with the Doctor anymore. He was just...bitterly resigned. Still, he was glad he was still thinking about Martha. She deserved so much more.

 

“Now, am I going to get the guided tour?” she demanded trying to dispel the heavy atmosphere.

 

He made of show of a good little soldier as a joke and Martha playfully told him to stop it.

 

* * *

 

“So that's the hot house. Tour continues this way, ladies, please. No dawdling.” Gray said as he walked out of said room. Gwen held back and turned to Martha who was still looking at one of the plants. 

 

“Er, so, you know Gray pretty well, then?” Gwen asked. He has been doing better about telling them things about himself, but it would still be nice to get this newcomer’s perspective.

 

“Oh, we were only together for a few days, but it was pretty intense.” Martha said absentmindedly.  

 

Gwen giggled at her word choice. “Careful there, someone who doesn’t know him might take that the wrong way.” 

 

“Oh, God, no! No, not that sort of intense. Nothing like that. He’s like a brother to me.”

 

“Us too! He has this ‘I’m disappointed in you look and everything!”

 

Both of them shivered in an exaggerated manner before laughing. 

 

“Oi! I thought you wanted the tour Miss Martha!” Gray said looking at them through the glass.

 

“No, no, we were just discussing alien flora, weren't we?” Gwen said and Martha nodded.

Gray fondly rolled his eyes at the both of them and continued talking.

 

* * *

 

Gray wondered if he could persuade Martha to join Torchwood. 

 

He’s seen the easy way she worked together with Owen, how her and Gwen got along, her easy conversation skills with Ianto, and her brilliance would compliment Tosh’s.

 

* * *

 

While everyone on Gray’s team did their thing to wrap up this case, he felt incredibly proud. 

 

Tosh shut down the building, Gwen had Plummer at gunpoint, Owen was helping Martha get to the SUV, and Ianto stood by in case anyone needed up. Gray listened to the electric voice o n Tosh’s laptop announce the shut down.

 

“Okay let’s go!” He said walking to Owen and hooked Martha’s arm over his shoulder.

 

“Did you really think I was just going to let you walk away?” Doctor Copley suddenly said pointing a gun at them.

 

Owen turned around with his hands clearly visible. Gray gave Martha a meaningful look before unhooking his arm and standing besides Owen.  

 

“You’ve ruined everything I’ve worked for.” Copley added.

 

Copley was too engrossed by Owen and Martha to notice Gray closely following.

 

Owen tried to reason with him first. Why wouldn’t he? He admired Copley and he knew he was a rational scientist first before anything else.

 

“Now let’s not be stupid, okay? We’re both rational men, scientists. I know you don’t want to shoot her-” Owen was suddenly cut off by Gray rushing in front of him and taking the bullet.

 

Everyone flinched back from the sound of the gunshot, but Gwen diverted her attention away from Plummer and quickly shoot Copley. Whether she meant to or not the bullet hit him squarely in the forehead. 

 

“Gray!” Martha shouted as she ran up to him and pulled his head onto her lap. 

 

“Lucky me than Owen.” he said with a grin. She flicked his forehead. 

 

“Your deaths matter.” She declared resolutely. She looked up. “I got Gray. You lot keep working okay?”

 

They looked at each other for a moment and did as they were told.

 

They listened to Gray’s wet, choked breathes then silence then a wild, desperate gasp indicating that Gray was back.

 

Martha helped him up. They all piled into the SUV.

 

And that was the end of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I still plan on torturing Owen for a little while. And then being very nice to him.


	26. Dead Man Walking [Redacted]

In hindsight all of them should’ve known better.

 

Gray was clearing out the vault in his office and taking more dangerous artifacts down to the lower archives and he failed to realize one of the devices was on. 

 

It was one that not even he could identify, so he should have been much more careful. He also should have been more careful back at the turn of the Millenium when he shoved the necklace that caused Alex Hopkins to kill his team, minus Gray of course, and then himself.

 

Gray was called back into the main level of the Hub and left what he was doing. Owen found it shortly after. 

 

He picked up the box the device was in meaning to look at it’s archive notes but as soon as he touched it the artifact inside activated.

 

Owen Harper collapsed into a heap and saw a world that wasn’t his own.

 

_ A man that wasn’t Gray holding his hand, Tosh’s whispered “I love you.” a child without hope, grappling with a skeleton fighting  _ **_death_ ** _ , being unable to sleep or eat or fuck oh god, “-you don’t bother to feel the bricks-”, a woman on a rooftop, Gwen in a white dress, the man again in some old film reel, seeing Gwen in front of hundreds of missing person flyers, a flashback of punching the man just like he did with Gray when he was convinced he could have saved her he could have saved Katie-, that man once again in Gray’s stupid RAF greatcoat he never wears, “Because you’re breaking my heart!” _

 

_ His death. Twice over. _

 

Owen broke away from the memories or visions or whatever the fuck they were with a wild gasp.

 

“Owen!” Gray said and said man only realized he was being cradled in his arms. He tore away and snarled at Gray.

 

He looked taken aback, but he slid back and raised his hands where Owen could see them. “Are you alright?” He softly asked. “You were lying there barely breathing and as cold as a corpse-”

 

He was cut off by Owen punching him in the face. His fist was shaking as he hit again and again. 

 

Owen didn’t even realize why he was doing it. Because of the corpse comment? Because he bombed Cardiff and…? Fuck this wasn’t that Gray but then who will…? The events felt so real, he remembered exactly what Death felt like under his hands when he fought it, he remembered exactly what the reply to humanity’s declaration looked like as he persuaded Maggie that sometimes it does get better, everything he just saw, and it felt as real as if it was actual memories he’s already experienced. He wondered how much of it was their future too. His punches got increasingly weak until one punch where Owen didn’t draw his hand back and grasped a handful of Gray’s shirt. It was when he heard Gray’s gentle hushing he realized he was crying.

 

He curled up tighter against Gray and could only sob.

 

* * *

 

Eventually Gray was able to get Owen to the conference room. He didn’t say anything so Gray was trying to explain what likely happened.

 

“It felt so real.” Owen said. He stared ahead. Gray stopped his rant and looked at him.

 

“What did you see?” Gray finally asked.

 

Owen went silent. How could he explain everything that happened between his first and second death? That concept alone boggled his mind.

 

Ianto brought coffee for the both of them and set it down in front of them. Owen started to reach for it and then remembered he was dead, and then remembered no, no he wasn’t.

 

_ Him in a cell and against the wall upside down, projectile vomiting everywhere,“That is the single most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen! And I know disgusting!” _

 

Owen growled. Ianto stared for a moment before leaving.

 

“Owen.” Gray firmly said. “What did you see?”

 

“I saw someone else’s future.” he snapped. “Or not. It was mine, but it wasn’t the same Torchwood.”

 

Gray raised an eyebrow “I need more detail.” He didn’t sound disbelieving, he just sounded curious. 

 

“You weren’t there. You never were there. Someone else stood in your place.”

 

“It could be an alternate timeline or even alternate dimension. But Owen here all that doesn’t matter. You-”

 

“I died, Gray.” Owen snapped. “I died, came back to life as a fucking zombie, and died a second time!”

 

They both were silent for a long moment.

 

“What do you need?” Gray asked finally. Normally Owen would bristle at that question, but he didn’t sound insincere and he was like…

 

Gray was like an older brother to Owen.

 

So, he thought about for a moment and decided. “I need to work.”

 

Gray pressed his mouth into a thin line and nodded.

 

* * *

 

Owen knew that he wasn’t dead. He knew he was still alive. 

 

It’s just sometimes after that he wouldn’t act that way. 

 

The visions he saw, those glimpses into a world that was his but not felt so real sometimes he wondered how those events didn’t actually happen.

 

When he went home that night he was surprised to find food in his refrigerator. He woke up the next morning to find out he needed to shave.

 

_ “Shit, I’m never gonna have a beard.” _

 

Owen decided against shaving today. When he walked towards Autopsy when he got to the Hub Tosh smiled gently at him.

 

_ “We never did get that date, did we, you and me? We sort of, er, missed each other. It was my fault. I didn't notice until it was too late. I'm sorry.” _

_ “Me too.” _

 

He didn’t smile back at her.

 

What he saw; what he experienced was real. He experienced it as if it was real even if it didn’t truly happen. He felt everything this other version of him felt, and he had no idea what to do with what he had seen.

 

He didn’t know how much of what happened in this other place will happen here.

 

Owen felt odd saying goodbye to Martha so soon. 

 

He watched Gray and her tightly embrace once again and threatened him with “You better call if you need anything Gray!” 

 

He just laughed and made a last ditch effort to persuade her to join Torchwood. 

 

When she faced him to say goodbye she also had a word of advice for him. “Take this as a second chance.” she said. She smiled warmly at him before saying goodbye to the others, and then leaving.

 

A second chance. Like what dead-Owen gave the hopeless child when he fought death and the woman on the rooftop. And now him. 

 

* * *

 

For days Owen found himself torn between his world and the world he saw. He was obvious in the way he reacted to things and people. He was waiting for someone to be done with his moping.

 

He eventually confronted Gray about why he wasn’t angry at him for taking these visions so seriously. Even he was surprised how deeply the visions affected him.

 

Gray was silent for a long moment. “What do you know about that necklace? The one that reacted to the other device that caused you to see those future memories?” 

 

Owen narrowed his eyes but played along. “Something about Alex Hopkins?” After Gray hired Tosh and then him a member of Torchwood One personally came down to talk to them. They seemed awfully pleased with Gray ‘finally getting his head out of his arse’ and questioning their decision to join.

 

They were extremely happy in telling Owen that the last man who ran Torchwood Three went mad and shot every member of his team. They said Gray walked into the Hub right before midnight of 2000 to find silence and the blood-soaked corpses of his team.

 

“I lied on the report. I said I walked into the Hub to find them all dead. In reality Alex hadn’t shot himself yet when I came back.” Gray sighed. “What he saw...shattered him. He was frightened out of his mind when he decided death was better than the future he saw. He told me they were mercy killings. Those visions caused a good, respectable man to take drastic measures to protect the people he loved. I’ve seen, I know the power even false visions can have on reality.”

 

Owen said nothing. He stared at Gray. “So you’re not angry I’m being dramatic?”

 

“I’m not angry.” Gray assured him. “If anything I’m glad you can learn something from this without having to go through something traumatic. These memories...they might have not been yours originally but now they are.” Gray got up after that, put a hand on Owen’s shoulder and looked into his eyes very seriously. “What you choose to do now with those memories and how you treat your life is completely up to you.”

 

_ Sitting in cell, a hand in his hair, “Because I wasn't ready to give up on you. I guess I was hoping for a miracle. And I still am.” _

 

* * *

 

First Owen went to Toshiko.

 

“Remember when we talked about going on that date?” He asked loudly. And more aggressively than he wanted.

 

She looked extremely apprehensive, but she nodded.

 

“Are you free Friday night?”

 

Her eyes lit up. “Yes! Yes I am.” She answered enthusiastically before trying to make herself look more casual about the situation.

 

“But there’s some things I want to talk to you before then. Come sit with me?” He asked before sitting down on the worn couch.

 

_ “Promise me something.” _

 

_ “What’s that?” _

 

_ “No more locking it all away. You tell me when it’s bad. Share it with me. Okay?” _

 

_ “Okay.” A long pause. “Tosh, I’m scared.” _

 

“Can I talk to you? About...anything? When things are bad for me?”

 

She looked confused, but she nodded. 

 

“I’ve seen myself die. I have memories of dying. I’ve seen things that may happen or may not. I need you to know this is a part of me now. I know it may seem-”

 

“Owen you don’t have to defend yourself against me. If this is valid to you, then it’s valid to me.”

 

He swallowed suspiciously at her comment and then soldiered on. “I want to tell you everything I saw.”

 

Tosh perked up to show he had her full attention. 

 

“I woke up to a man I didn’t know holding my hand. Well I didn’t know him but the other Owen did. He...he was basically Gray in this world...but not at the same time. He held Gray’s role in Torchwood. I remember-” and he went on. He told her everything he knew that happened between waking up from his first death to his second and permanent death.

 

And Tosh listened. There was no pity in her gaze, nor disgust or anything else. The only thing that showed on her face was her full attention.

 

“I don’t know how much of what I saw is still applicable here.” Owen finished. 

 

“I can find Jamie.” Tosh offered finally taking Owen’s hands into her own. He nodded.

 

“What about the man? Gray mentioned having a brother, and Gwen filled me in on the way to the nuclear plant that it wasn’t “John” who caused Cardiff being bombed but-”

 

“We’ll figure it out once we get there.” Tosh declared patting his hand. “We know what to prepare for now. You don’t have to do this alone.”

 

* * *

 

Tosh and Owen were holding hands when they arrived at the hospital.

 

They used the concept of half-truths and lies by omission to their full favor when they talked to the receptionist into letting them talk to Jamie.

 

They were silent as they walked to the pediatric ward. Owen was nearly crushing her hand, but Tosh squeezed back just as fiercely. She knew he was trying to make up an inspiring speech, and this time he didn’t have the benefit of literally fighting death to prove his point. 

 

Just outside the ward he stopped, took a deep breath, and continued forward. 

 

“Jamie?” He asked one young boy. 

 

The boy, Jamie, nodded.

 

“My name is Dr. Owen Harper. This is my friend Toshiko. Can we talk to you?”

 

Jamie shrugged. Owen pulled up two chairs for him and Tosh. 

 

“I know you’re scared Jamie-”

 

Tosh didn’t let go of his hand once the entire time they were at the hospital.


	27. A Day in the Death [Redacted]

“My name is Doctor Owen Harper and this is my life. A life that is full of action and violence and work, wonder. Secrets, sex and love and heartbreak and death. Seeing my own death twice.The death I saw myself survive, and then another death that I didn’t. Seeing a future that may or may not happen. Except, now I have to live with this knowledge. Every day is the same. I get up, get ready for work, the same as everyone else. The thing is, I'm not the same. I get to work and everyone's doing the same old thing. Babbling away about aliens and weddings. I'm not who I was anymore because I saw another world’s future. Three days ago, I saw an fate for myself that didn’t happen. And they think I'm fine, and they're mostly right.”

 

Tosh nodded understandingly at him. They sat on one of Owen’s couches at his apartment. The sun shined into the sharp edges and empty elegance of the flat. Owen smiled awkwardly at her in response to her silent encouragement, and she grinned back. He surprised himself by thinking her smile was rather pretty.

 

It actually felt really good to talk to someone. Go figure. 

 

* * *

 

Maggie was exactly where Owen saw she’d be.

 

At this rate the team making various oracle jokes at his expense was never going to stop. 

 

Still, he needed to convince her that life was still worth giving a chance, and Owen decided he wanted to be honest with her. Which meant he loses the benefit of experiencing what he’s going to tell her. 

 

“So, are you going to jump?” He asked as he sat next to Maggie.

 

“Would you piss off? Get off my roof.”

 

“Your roof?”

 

“I'm going to jump, so just leave me alone.”

“Tell me darling, do you believe in aliens?” He asked as he reached behind him to the bag he had brought.

 

“Sorry, love. Were you talking to me? It's just, you know, I'm a bit busy right now. I'm not really interested in listening-”

 

Owen pulled out a specimen jar out of the bag with an deceased alien in it. He couldn’t pronounce the name of the species no matter how many times Gray repeated it to them.

 

“What is that?” She asked more calmly than Owen would’ve expected from a stranger. It was the same tone she used when the other Owen showed her his gunshot wound.

 

“It’s an alien.” Owen gleefully announced.

 

“Yeah, right.” she replied, dripping with sarcasm. 

 

Owen just kept looking at her with a serious expression on his face. She reached over and took the jar out of his hands.

 

She stared at it for a moment before saying “Oh my  _ god _ .” and clambering off the edge of the roof. “How the hell did you get this?” 

 

“I work for an institute that specializes in alien fuckery.” Owen declared with a grin.

 

“Wait that Torchwood thing I hear people whispering about? I thought it was just a rumour. Is...is it  _ true _ ?”

 

“Gray’s goin’ be pissed, but yeah it’s true.” 

 

“Aliens! Like over London on Christmas? Like those robots? What the hell are you lot doing in Cardiff if you deal with aliens?”

 

“Cardiff sits on a rift in time and space. A crack of some sort, and we get loads of alien shit.”

 

“Why are you here then? I mean why is an alien catcher doing here? Why are you here?”

 

Owen could say from experience she was taking the news that aliens existed completely and realistically much better than most people. Maybe it was just because she was worried about other things besides her place in the universe.

 

“Worldwide, nearly a million people kill themself each year.” he said instead of answering why he was here. 

 

“That’s nearly three times the population of Cardiff.” and Owen wanted to prevent one. “Makes you think.”

 

“What are you? Some sort of suicide geek?”

 

“No, just a doctor. In, fact I’m not just a doctor. I’m a bloody brilliant doctor.” Owen paused thinking about his words when he first walked into the Hub, grieving and his worldview shattered, about that being a doctor is never saving enough. Gray told him maybe here he could. Owen Harper saved this woman once and maybe, just maybe, he could save her again. 

“Tell me, do you have a lover?”

 

Maggie’s face shattered.

 

“Brian. My husband. We were married for less than a hour before there was an accident. I was still picking confetti out of my hair on my perfect day when he died in the crash. Today is my wedding anniversary.”

 

Owen knew this already. He didn’t show it though. “I’m sorry.” It was still brutal to hear about it. 

 

“No you're not. You couldn't care less about me and I don't care about you. Just because we're both planning on jumping, it doesn't mean we have some sort of special connection. What about you then?” She shot back. Did she assume he was here to jump too? The other Owen made it a point to lead her to believe that, but he didn’t think he had said anything to convince her he was suicidal too.

 

“Kind of.” He answered.

 

“How do you ‘kind of’ have a partner?”

 

“Tosh and I are...complicated. We went on a date and we want to go again, but we’re not official.”

 

Maggie hummed.

 

“You waited until your wedding anniversary to kill yourself? Why?” Owen asked. He knew already, but he didn’t want to tell her he already knew.

“Does it matter?”

“Why have you waited?”

“Because I believe people. I believe them when they said it would get better. So, what do you think, Doctor? Do you really think it's going to get any better?”

 

“Before I answer that I want to explain why I have the opinion I have on that subject. At Torchwood we were working on a case…” He said as he started to explain the story to her.

 

“What does that have to do with anything?” Maggie snapped, apparently confused by the change of subject. “I don't care. I'm not interested in you, in old men or alien meteors. I came here because my husband died. I just want to jump.”

 

Owen nodded. Then made a point of grabbing her and pushing her towards the edge. “Let's get on with it.” he said with a deliberately cruel smile. When they got to the edge she stared at the drop and started breathing heavily.

 

“You, you're too scared.” He said.

 

“Aren't you? How did, how did you get from that to here? What happened?” She said still staring over the edge. 

 

“I told you. This has something to do with whether I believe things will get better.” Owen said. “There’s a man who collects alien artifacts. Harmless, but we keep a close eye on him. Paranoid as shit, and the only bit of his security that caused us problems was heat sensors. Tosh made us these devices that hid our body heat. We were as cold as corpses. Pretty coincidental huh?”

 

Tosh made those specifically because he asked her to. He knew this was coming and since he wasn’t dead he knew they’d have no way of getting in.

 

Maggie heistantly nodded. She clearly didn’t understand, but she was letting him continue with his story.

 

He told her about how he found Parker. How alone, scared, and desperate he was.    
With Parker he still had basically the same conversation, he just stretched the truth a bit. He didn’t have memories of the dark like the other Owen did. Despite that, he could only imagine what terrified the wits out of himself in those memories. 

 

This time, this time he didn’t even try to give him CPR. He was old and ready to end the suffering he was enduring because of it, but it was hard. It was hard for him to sit there, perfectly able to do something and not.

 

The rest of the team was standing outside the door at the time. They had overheard everything. They  _ understood _ .

 

“I didn’t save him. He needed me to save him and I’m a bloody brilliant doctor and I  _ didn’t _ . Everything I've seen, everything that's out there and it was an old man dying of a heart attack. I became a doctor to save people and I choose to let him die. Do you want to know why?”

 

“Why?” Maggie whispered. At some point she moved onto the ledge and sat crossed legged while Owen leaned on the ledge facing towards the room.

 

“Because sometimes there’s mercy in death.” He declared. She nodded, thinking she understood what he was saying. She stood up on the ledge. Owen had more to say. “We all assume life's going to be shit, don't we? That it's all just darkness. But you know what? Sometimes, it's not.”

Owen bent over and took out the Pulse from his bag. 

 

“What is it?” Maggie asked jumping down onto the roof to get a closer look.

“Do you remember in the seventies NASA sent messages into space? A map of our solar system, pictures of what we look like. It had images, voices, music. Even a bit of Chuck Berry. Well, this is a reply. Not that we know who from.”

 

“Well, what does it do?”

 

“It sang to me. It's a glimmer of light in the darkness. See? Sometimes it does get better. I saw you up here.” He explained. The light it gave off extended far past them and lit up the air around them.

 

“I thought you came here to jump?”

 

“No, I came here to help.” He said as he gave her the photograph back. He remembered he would have to pick it up.

 

“What do I do now?” She breathed out as she stared at the photo.

 

“You've got a choice. If you think that the darkness is too much, then go for it. But if there is a chance, just some hope. It could be having a cigarette, or that first sip of hot tea on a cold morning, or it could be your mates. But if there's even a tiny glimmer of light then don't you think that's worth taking a chance? What's your name?” He asked. He didn’t need to but he wanted to ask anyway.

 

“Maggie. Maggie Hopley.”

 

He gently took her hand.

 

“Well, Maggie, it's up to you. Your choice.” He said as she breathed heavily and thought about it. They both looked at the light the Pulse was giving off. “Do you still want to jump?”

 

The light of the Pulse shined as Maggie thought about her answer. The light extended far, far away. 

 

‘My name is Owen Harper, and this is my life.’ Owen thought as he watched the light and tightly held Maggie’s hand.


	28. Something Borrowed

Owen told Gray about the visions he saw for Gwen’s wedding day a few days after he met Maggie. He explained the story in Gray’s office and him listening intently.

 

“A Nostrovite ruins Gwen’s wedding day huh? Sounds like something that would happen here. My joke I wanted to make about Gwen accidentally bringing an alien somewhere inappropriate this time instead of me doesn’t really work does it.” Gray sighed. “Do you kids use the phrase ‘take one for the team’ yet?” He asked.

 

Owen narrowed his eyes. He really didn’t like the sound of that. “Gray what are you planning-”

 

“Would you be upset if you miss Gwen’s wedding?”

 

“Remember when I said I torture people in happy relationships?” Owen asked with an raised eyebrow.

 

“The way you look at Tosh begs a differ.” Gray smirked knowingly before folding his hands together and resting his chin on them.

 

“Why do you ask?” Owen snapped, changing the subject. His face felt suspiciously hot. “I know you’d be upset. You’re almost as excited as Gwen and Rhys!”

 

“Like I said: take one for the team.” Gray repeated unfolding his hands, hitting the table, and getting up from his desk. “We have a wedding to save!”

 

* * *

 

On Gwen’s hen day she was not called out to deal with the unknown creature.

 

Gray chased the creature down the street. The plan was to kill it and hope he doesn’t get bitten in the process.

 

They had already talked to Gwen about Gray and Owen possibly not making it to the wedding. She seemed upset that they all wouldn’t be there, but once Owen explained what happened when she went what happened the next day she was understood. She wasn’t thrilled about it, but she understood.

 

And the plan was very close to working.

 

Gray had a clear shot of the male Nostrovite when it unexpectedly pounced on a passerby. Gray shot the creature once in the spine, then moved forward. Gray helped the civilian up and sent them away claiming he was a part of the police. He leaned over it and started getting it ready to be moved to the Hub.

 

Gray had underestimated it’s endurance and it bit him in the leg. Gray shot it in the head, but when he informed Owen he said it was already too late.

 

Well at least he had a back up plan in case this happened.

 

* * *

 

“So, Gray, what’s the plan?” Owen asked as he bandaged up his Gray’s leg.

 

“We’re going to lure the Nostrovite female in the Hub, trigger a lockdown, and then kill her.”

 

“That sounds like a shit plan.”

 

“Not my best work I admit, but it’ll will prevent civilian casualties.”

 

Owen grumbled under his breath. All Gray heard was ‘wedding fairies’.

 

Gray couldn’t help but think the joke was distasteful.

 

* * *

 

When Gray woke up the next morning he looked extremely pregnant. When Owen came into the Hub later he stared for a long while before whispering “Weird.” under his breath. Gray shrugged. “You’re taking this...well.” Owen said.

 

“By my time the divide between male and female is a lot more fluid. Where I come from men can get pregnant too.” He explained. He never imagined he’d ever get pregnant really, but to him it was almost as normal as a woman being pregnant.

 

To Owen’s credit he took that a lot better than other people have when they found out. Granted that was very rarely though.

 

* * *

 

“So Tosh, how is everything over there?” Owen asked over the phone. Him and Gray were in the Plass waiting for the momma Nostrovite. Gray didn’t seem to mind looking pregnant and male so Owen wasn’t going to get hung up on it either. Even if it was a bit mind boggling to him. Gray and him stood at opposite sides of the area and Owen kept an eye out as he called to check on the others.

 

“ _Boring. And some bloke called ‘Banana Boat’ keeps hitting on me_.” Tosh replied with an annoyed sigh.

 

“Did you say you were taken already?” Owen asked, but then regretted it. It’s been forever since he’s felt this unsure about a relationship. But also that this ‘Banana Boat’ should respect Tosh’s no regardless whether she’s with anyone or not.

 

“ _Yes I did!_ ” Tosh said, seeming to miss his apprehension. “ _I may have to show him my gun_.”

 

“Attagirl.” Owen grinned. “What about Tea Boy?”

 

“ _He’s suffering the same fate. Although he doesn’t have the same excuse I do_.” Tosh said before pausing. “ _I took him aside to ask whether they were bothering him, because of Lisa, and he said he wasn’t still heartbroken over her. He still loves her, but he could love other people too. No one here...interests him_.”

 

Owen raised his eyebrows at that. “So he’s single and ready to mingle?”

 

“ _Not really_. _Although you did suddenly make me think of a great joke about Gray."_

 

“Oh?”

 

“ _He’s a...grey-ace_!”

 

Thank god Tosh told him more about those sorts of terms. He’d never have understood that joke otherwise.

 

“I’ll tell him that one later. If I survive his dumb-arsed idea.” Owen said. He realized then if Gray gets him dead now he’s going to come back from sheer power of will and kick his arse back to whatever time he was originally from.  

 

“ _Roger that. I love you._ ”

 

Tosh always spoke those words so easily now. He couldn’t help but wonder how long she trapped them inside of herself, knowing she loved him and he didn’t look twice at her. Well, that didn’t matter now. They didn’t miss their chance this time. With all of that he still can’t say those words back yet. Not after Katie and Diane. But they’re both okay with that for now. “I care about you too. Hey, before you go, how about when you get back we have a dance?”

 

“ _I’d love that._ ”

 

“OWEN!”

 

Said man looked over to where he heard his name be called and saw Gray waving wildly. He was subtly pointing at a woman staring at Gray. “Gotta go.” he said before he ended the call.

 

* * *

 

The plan went nearly as bad as Owen expected it to. Gray did a good job putting away sensitive material, but the Nostrovite still had plenty to try and bargain for her children.

 

It took hours for Gray and Owen to finally corner the creature. After the Nostrovite was dead Owen used the ‘singularity scalpel’ as he so lovingly called it to get rid of Gray’s baby bump.

 

Gray and Owen collapsed onto the floor, exhausted and out of breath, and said nothing for a long time.

 

“Wedding update?” Owen asked finally.

 

“Wedding update.” Gray confirmed as he edged closer when Owen pulled out his phone.

 

“You enjoyed this, didn’t you? Not the pregnancy or carnivorous alien bits, but the saving Gwen’s wedding bit.” Owen asked as his thumb hovered over Tosh’s contact.

 

“When it comes to Torchwood missions the ones that end happily are always the best ones.” Gray shrugged. “It makes it better that I can do this to make the people I love happy.”

 

Owen stared for a moment and didn’t respond. He pressed the call button. After a few seconds they got a reply.

 

_“Owen?”_

 

“Yeah Tosh it’s me. Gray is here too, and I have you on speakerphone.”

 

* * *

 

Turns out the wedding was incredibly boring in the best of ways. Tosh was half expecting a conspiracy with trying to make sure she caught the wedding bouquet, but she didn’t notice anything so she didn’t worry about it. Ianto kept getting propositioned the entire night, but he didn’t show the slightest bit of interest in anyone. Tosh explained he probably regretted telling her he was open to falling in love again.

 

There was some typical in-law fighting but nothing too bad. Tosh and Ianto actually found it amusing and since they weren’t part of either family they could enjoy it to the fullest extent. Tosh admitted most of Rhys’ cousins looked like weevils, so she spent a large part of the day fighting the urge to pull out the weevil spray.

 

“ _Gwen and Rhys looked so happy. She told me to tell you she wished you and Gray could have came._ ” Tosh said.

 

“Tell her I wish I could have too. Send her my love before they go off for their honeymoon.” Gray said.

 

“I _will. And you have better tell us everything that happened while we were gone_!”

 

Owen and Gray looked at each other and laughed.

 

* * *

 

Later, in his office, Gray pulled out a metal box from his desk drawers.

 

Him and Owen spent hours tidying the Hub from the Nostrovite’s rampage.

 

He sat down and opened it. He grinned when he saw the pictures. Some were of him, but some were also of people. Friends and other people he’s loved as family.

 

When he saw a folded piece of paper he opened it to find a picture of his wedding day.

 

Gray in the photo sat at chair with a rather serious expression on his face, and she grinned widely with a hand on his shoulder.

 

He...didn’t love her. Not romantically, but she was his best friend at the time. She didn’t love him either but she wanted to get away from her parents.

 

She knew Gray didn’t love romantically. He was the one who’d suggested marrying her.

 

His smile turned sad and he gently touched her image in the photo. He sighed and held the edge of it to his mouth as he thought of times past. He thought about how he has seen society change, and he wondered what other changes he’ll be here to see.

  
The twenty-first century is where _everything_ changes.


	29. From Out of the Rain

As soon as Ianto mentioned the cinema Owen knew it was time for  _ that _ bullshit.

 

“People who came alive from film reels and take people’s breaths?” Gwen asked as the entire team sat in the conference room. Owen had explained the entire fiasco to them. 

 

“At least it’s a quick fix this time!” Tosh announced. 

 

“Well you never know what could happen.” Gray shrugged. “Fingers crossed.”

 

Owen smirked suddenly as he remembered another tadbit of this adventure. “Tell us Gray, did you ever join the circus?”

 

His displeased looked answered that question better than any words could, although the frown quickly turned into a grin. “It seems like I’ve never quit.” Gray shot back folding his hands together and smiling innocently.

 

“Oi!”

 

* * *

 

Owen explained that the first victim happened after the viewing at the cinema, so it was imperative they took the film reel before then.

 

It was a bit of a challenge to get the boy to surrender the reel, but after Gray asking whether anything weird happened with the tapes Jonathan realized how serious the situation was.

 

And Gray promised to talk to his parents when they found out about it. 

 

Owen thought at least ‘the police confiscated sensitive information’ was more impressive for the Electro than ‘playing the wrong film reel over and over’. 

 

Ianto was still pretty disappointed by the ruined showing. 

 

* * *

 

The film reel was archived, put away, and had a special note warning against watching it and the reason why within the hour. 

 

“Do you think there’s more?” Ianto asked softly while Gray put it in the safe in his office.

 

“We can only hope not.” Gray answered maybe a bit more honestly than Owen would’ve liked. He seen what the Night Travellers had done when they came alive in the other Owen’s timeline, and he was decidedly dreading a possible appearance in his world.

 

“It’s something we can’t get hung up about.” Tosh said. Something in his face must’ve given away his discomfort.

 

“So is that it? It’s locked away, no one is hurt? Are we done with this?” Gwen asked looking at Owen. She couldn’t help but think this case was a bit underwhelming. 

 

“To the best of my knowledge.” he said. He was almost going to miss this. Not that he liked knowing the future, he just loved saving a few more lives than before. They had saved the lives of several people today, and there was a little boy out there who hadn’t lost his entire family today because Owen knew what showing that film could do. And he only has this ability for a little while longer. He wondered what happened after his second and final death. Whatever happens after was beyond what he had seen. He wondered how many lives would end or be ruined because Owen Harper died there.

 

It terrifies him to think about it. 

 

Tosh’s earlier words about not getting hung up on it repeated inside his mind and for now he let it go.

 

* * *

 

The Electro was playing a different show a few days later. Ianto, Gwen, Owen, Tosh and Gray thought it would be fun. Especially since there wouldn’t be any breath-taking nor film reels come to life.

 

“Although,” Owen said on the way to the Electro. “If they have another film with trapped psychos in it I’m burning the whole place down.”

 

From what Owen told him about the case in the other timeline even Ianto would have to agree. Also from what he told Gray, said man decided to visit Christina tomorrow.

 

“Ianto said she never got any visitors.” Owen told him.  

 

That night Torchwood went to the cinema, and acted like a group of weird, not their usual weird like...a normal type of weird, friends. Owen tried to subtly try that thing where someone stretches their arm out and put it on their date’s shoulders, but Tosh found it completely transparent. She still pretended to be fooled though. 

 

“No wonder Gray and Ianto are close friends. Ianto likes old, outdated things.” Owen said when he noticed how engrossed both men were by the film

 

Gwen almost couldn’t stop grinning from how wonderfully normal it was. Just her and her best mates, teasing and at the cinema together.

 

* * *

 

After Gray came back to the Hub the next day after his visit with Christina he couldn’t help but think about how most people don’t notice that his eyes are older than his face. He didn’t think even the Doctor noticed that about Gray and he should have seen that better than anyone. The Doctor keeps looking younger as his eyes grow older.

 

“You hold your trauma with you like that coat of yours.” She had also said after they’ve been talking for a while. He remembered his face falling once again, the first time being when she mentioned his eyes, and she didn’t say anything more on that subject.

 

His lack of a rebuttal was answering enough for her. 

 

Gray supposed no one would know better than her what substantial childhood trauma that affects someone permanently would look like. 

 

She was right of course. No matter how hard Gray has tried his experiences always hang over him like a dark cloud. He sees reminders of his brother, of the Doctor or Rose, or anyone else in his life constantly. 

 

He took a sip of his coffee and finally started finishing the paperwork on his desk.

 

He still thought about his brother nearly everyday. 

 

Sometimes he still can’t help but wonder whether he was dead or alive, where he was, how he was, and whether he was happy. He could only hope he was happy since he’d given up on him years ago, and he gave up on his search for him when he turned down the Doctor’s offer to travel. Maybe his brother might even forgive him for that if he found out Gray abandoned him twice.

 

Gray smelled blood soaked sand then metal rooms then wet walls. The memory of screams rang in his ears. He didn’t know whose they were anymore.


	30. Adrift

Gwen Cooper could only guess the reason no one in Torchwood noticed the sheer amount of people missing is because no one cared to notice.

 

She stood in front of hundreds of missing persons flyers. They all coincided with Rift Spikes. 

 

Gwen hasn’t felt this afraid of the Rift in a long time.

 

Her and Tosh spend hours on this, and brainstorming how to stop it. Tosh didn’t realize it’s scale until she walked into Gwen’s impromptu investigation room. 

 

It was then Gwen realized Gray was acting odd when it came to the whole thing. He completely shut down her attempts to try and stop it.

 

Usually he only gets this unmovable and cold on subjects when the situation was really, extremely bad. She couldn’t help but remember how he treated Owen before they had all turned against him. He admitted to them then he didn’t have a plan.

 

It definitely didn’t assure her that she had to drop this case now. She didn’t know why Gray was so eager for her to drop it.

 

She didn’t understand why they were unwilling to try and help those left behind. She didn’t understand why they seemed so distant. She didn’t understand this way Torchwood operates.

 

* * *

 

On the cliff edge Gray sat down next to Gwen.

 

“When I took over Torchwood, there were two just like Jonah.” Gray said soon after he sat down. She looked at him. “Ravaged from falling through the Rift. Being kept in the Vaults, neglected. I wanted them looked after. I set this place up. Told the staff these were experiments that had gone wrong.” He explained to her.

 

She looked away before asking “How many are there?”

 

“Seventeen, last count.” He said, Gwen let out a sharp inhale and then sighed. “It's increased over the last year. Like the Rift is trying to correct its mistakes.”

 

“But not all the missing return.” She pointed out.

 

“No.” Gray agreed.

 

“You can't keep them hidden. They have families who deserve to know.”

 

Gray leaned closer. “Gwen, they're sick in ways you could never imagine. We can't fix them. We just care for them.”

 

“Jonah's asked me to bring Nikki here.”

 

“No.”

 

“She has a right to know.”

 

“No way.”

 

“She said not knowing is the worst part.”

 

“How are you going to tell her her child has aged forty years in seven months? That he's scarred, that he cannot look after himself.” Gray sharply asked. He’d love to hear what she’ll say this time.

 

He briefly wondered whether the Doctor had seen this darker side of the Rift. He pushed the thought away.

 

“We don't have the right to hide it from her.” Gwen said, looking appalled. 

 

“If you tell her, you have to tell her about the Rift and Torchwood.”

 

“Then I will.” She pointedly declared.

 

“What if she doesn't believe you?” Gray asked next.

 

“I have to try. We owe her the truth. Gray, if you'd lost someone, wouldn't you want to know?” Gray sharply looked away “Let me try. Please.”

 

Gray was silent for a long moment. For a moment Gwen thought she’d won. “No I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t want to know.” He finally said. 

 

She gaped for a moment. “ _ Why _ ?” she said even though she was thinking how could he care so little-

 

"Imagine, Gwen Cooper, if someone you loved fell through the Rift.” He said. He paused for a long moment to let her imagine just that. “They eventually come back to you, but they're broken. They’re broken beyond anything you can do for them. They suffer everyday and you can’t do a damn thing about it no matter how hard you try. And you want her to see all of that, if you tell Nikki what happened to her son you will be taking away her hope. She’ll know, but it was so much worse than she could have possibly imagined. If it was me I’d rather live in hope than know."

 

Gwen stared at him,dumbfounded, for a long moment. “Have you ever stopped to think that might not be true?” She said finally sounding astounded and furious.

 

Gray was starting to get a little angry. “Have you ever thought that that the world is more complicated than you perceive it to be? I know what it’s like Gwen! I live in fear someone I love might fall through that Rift and I can’t _ fix _ them! I might see my brother again, but he might be so broken in ways I can’t comprehend, and I might have to live with that knowledge for the rest of my life. You asked me once whether I get scared. The answer is I’m scared of that all the time.” He sharply inhaled and exhaled. “Whether you tell her is now your choice. Just know, he’s broken in ways even I can’t comprehend, and by telling her she will not have any hope left.”

 

“I don’t need you, or Torchwood, to tell me what to do.” Gwen stated achingly defiant before standing up and storming away. She barely even noticed his loose tongue when it came to talking about his brother for once.

 

In that moment Gwen Cooper realized she’s been drifting. Away from Andy, away from Rhys, and away from her humanity.

 

It was the day she saw Torchwood for what it was, and she fell out of love with what she saw. 

 

This place, this wonderful and dazzling place was gilded rot. She had too much heart to be properly here. She didn’t belong here.

 

“Gwen.” Gray called out. He didn’t seem angry, so she stopped just to see what he had to say for himself. “If you tell her you’ll leave her adrift. She’ll be without anchor besides her own grief and hopelessness.” Gray looked at her very seriously. “Ever since I’ve been a child I’ve been adrift. Acting as if I was living and I blindly chased a fanciful dream. There are far worse fates that death, Gwen Cooper, and telling her that her child is experiencing one will leave her stranded in a sea of grief. Hope is her anchor.”

 

“You said once you didn’t know whether you loved anyone to risk the world for them. Even if you’re like Nikki and the other’s family and friends...how could you claim…?” Gwen replied turning around but not walking away yet. “Have you ever thought you might not need to? Have you ever thought it might not be a choice between the two? Have you ever believed your brother might actually be okay?”

 

“No.” Gray said. He’s seen the universe, he’s seen the darkest fates that can befall humans when they leave what is safe. Or even if they don’t.

 

That’s what she didn’t understand the most. Why was the thought of his brother being okay was so inconceivable to him? His bold declaration that he’d rather not know is what made her think he was far removed from the other family members who had lost loved ones to the Rift. She was not going to listen to someone like Gray when it comes to this.

 

Silence.

 

“I’m bringing her here.” Gwen announced before walking away. Gray stared at her back.

 

* * *

 

“ _ Promise me you won't do this to anyone else _ .”

 

Gwen’s hands shook as she took down the endless missing persons photos. Gray had known what he was talking about when he warned her not to tell Nikki.

 

She felt him staring at her from a dark corner. She pointedly ignored him. She could feel his shame.

 

What was he so ashamed of? He was proven right. 

 

It was petty of her to think that. She sees his grief on his face. She hoped he was ashamed of how little he could so for them.

 

But what more can she do? This place they work for, they only deal with the threats. Not the aftereffects. 

 

Gwen handled the papers very delicately as she filed them away in a labeled drawer. Why hadn’t Owen warned her about this? Why hadn’t he told her that her love for Torchwood and her heart would be broken today. She felt their shards as completely as she saw the broken people who were trapped at Flat Holm. 

 

When she was finished she gently touched the drawer and walked away. She felt Gray’s eyes on her.

 

She had nothing more to say to him. No accusations, no absolution, nothing besides the knowledge of now she knew what Torchwood was.  
  


* * *

 

Gray couldn’t look at Gwen’s face.

 

Nothing reminded him more of his failures, as the head of Torchwood and as a brother, more than Flat Holm.

 

He couldn’t do anything more for them besides try and make them as comfortable as possible. Despite that, it’ll never be enough. Nothing will ever be enough.

 

These people have permanently lost their families, their sanity, their innocence, and their lives.  

 

Gray has never thought about his brother actually being okay. It seemed...almost as fanciful as searching for him for years. He’s thought about him being at Flat Holm, being evil, being broken and so far away, being hurt, or being dead, and he’s never legitimately thought about his brother being actually okay. 

 

Gray Thane hopes his elder brother is okay, but doubts it. 

 

Gwen passed him and when she was gone finally looked at the filing cabinet.

 

The missing label seemed to accuse him. It reminds him of his guilt, both from now and so long ago, and he felt like he was drifting away right where he stood. 

 

Gwen went home early that day.

 

The Hub was quiet. Tosh and Owen looked so sad. Ianto did what he did best and compartimalized everything that happened that day.

 

He followed his own words that he told her just that day and he  _ hoped _ . Gray Thane hoped with all his heart that his big brother was safe and happy. 

 

And for the smallest moment he almost believed it.

 

* * *

 

Gwen is lighting a candle when Rhys got home. They stared at each other for several moments without saying anything.

 

“Apology, is it?” He asked. He didn’t sound pleased or angry...just...bland. Gwen paused for a long moment.

 

“Tonight, we talk about what you want.” She softly said. Her voice sounded weak. “Kids, the future, anything you want.”

 

Rhys searched her face. Something was wrong.

 

“Are you alright?” He asked slowly walking towards her. When he saw her attempts to not cry he put his arms around her. “Hey, come here.”

 

“I'm sorry.” She said as they hugged. After a few moments Rhys pulled away. He leaned into her space until their foreheads were nearly touching,

 

“Do you want to sit down?” He asked, Gwen nodded as more tears spilled over her cheeks. “Okay.” He added so softly even she could barely hear it.

 

“Okay.”

 

They both sat down, Rhys pulled her against his chest as he kissed her head and Gwen grabbed a handful on his shirt. “Now then, you tell me everything, from the beginning.” He said rubbing her arm. Her kissed her head again.

 

Gwen didn’t say anything for a long moment.

 

“There's this woman, Nikki. She had a son, Jonah. He went missing seven months ago.” Gwen kept talking. “Gray told me he’s been adrift his whole life. I am too, right now, and I don’t want to be stranded anymore.”

 

“You aren’t love, I’ve got you.” Rhys answered pulling her even closer to him. Gwen felt anchored for the first time in so long.


	31. Fragments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I should have every instance I accidentally used Jack's name instead of Gray's taken care of, but if any of you find anymore don't hesitate to let me know! Just please tell me where/which chapter.

The entire Torchwood team poured onto the Plass.

 

“-The police reported suspicious looking bombs in the Millenium Center-” Gray was explaining to Tosh, Owen, and Ianto. Ianto was still trying to contact Gwen.

 

“Gwen, texting you the location. Appearing four or five signs of life, definitely non-human. Get here as soon as you can.” He was saying to her voicemail.

 

“So, sure they're not Weevils?” Owen asked as they all hurried into the building.

 

“Don't think so. Different energy patterns. I can't make sense of it. Not a species we've encountered before.” She answered.

 

“Well, let's hope they're friendly, then.” Owen remarked.

 

“Owen, Ianto, take the other side of the building.Check everywhere. Toshiko with me.”

 

“Be careful!” She called out to Owen.

 

“Same to you!” He replied.

 

They checked every nook and cranny of the center and decided to split up. Later, admittedly, Gray would admit it wasn’t his finest moment.

 

Tosh was the first to find the explosives.

 

They all immediately saw the timer and how it was too late for anything.

 

“Snap.” Owen said emotionlessly, just like the other Owen had, after seeing one. He should have seen this coming! Not being at the abandoned building threw him off. He just hoped he would get lucky twice.

 

The explosives went off in an inferno of noise and smoke. It blew out all the glass of the Millenium Center immediately.

 

* * *

 

Gray got...well his definition of “lucky” was much different than everyone else’s. He didn’t get lucky in the sense he was being crushed by metal, seating, and wood.

 

He didn’t die.

 

Gray’s vision went dark and he went into the past.

 

_ It was nighttime on the Boeshane Peninsula, but Gray Thane was too scared to sleep. _

 

_ He slid off his bed and tiptoed over to his big brother’s side of the room. He softly said his name. It didn’t work. Gray tried again. It didn’t work again. He finally, very aggressively too, poked him in the shoulder. _

 

_ Cloud gasped awake. “Gray?” He asked into the darkness. _

 

_ “There’s something under my bed.” Gray stated as matter of factly as a small child could.  _

 

_ Cloud nodded. There was no frustration or annoyance at being woken up in his body language.  _

 

_ He walked over to Gray’s bed and looked under. When he saw nothing he motioned Gray over to see. He hesitantly did so. He didn’t want to, but if he thought it was safe than it was. _

 

_ His big brother would never let the monsters get him. _

 

_ “See?” Cloud asked. “Do you want me to stay with you for a bit?”  _

 

_ Gray nodded. Both boys climbed into the tiny bed. Cloud gently rubbed his back, the best way to get Gray asleep quickly, and Gray felt completely safe. _

 

His big brother never did let the monsters get him. He just had to give up himself in order to do that.

 

Gray woke up to Rhys and Gwen unburying him from the rubble and he quickly told them to find Toshiko.

 

* * *

 

Tosh found herself almost completely buried. She heard the others call her name, but she couldn’t get her voice to work right through the fear clogging her throat.

 

She screamed.

 

**_5 years earlier._ **

 

_ Toshiko Sato never considered herself very close to her family. She loved them, of course, but family wasn’t something that was central to her life. _

 

_ Yet when some organization threatened her mother, it was unthinkable to do anything other than trying to keep her safe. It was unthinkable to do anything other than doing what they what in order to keep her mother safe. _

 

_ Later, after Gray showed up in the door of her cell and made a deal for her freedom, she found out UNIT didn't tell her family a damn thing about where she was.  _

 

_ Probably for the best though. She would never want them to know about her glimpse into the hell of UNIT’s own making. _

 

_ She made two promises on the way to Cardiff to her new job. One, she was never going back there and two, she was going to do better about letting her family know she loved them. _

 

_ And when Gray and her were trapped in the 1940s right before Abaddon she wrote under the equations she asked whoever would find it to do just that. _

 

She started screaming again when she was wrenched from her visions. She vaguely heard Gwen telling someone to stop.

 

“Tosh! Tosh are you okay?” Gwen asked her grasping her hand.

 

“You making it worse!” She cried. “It’s pushing down even more. I think I broke my arm. Gwen?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“If this rubble shifts down even more it will crush me.”

 

“It’s no good Gwen. We’re going to need more strength.” Someone else, Rhys she realized, said.

 

“Look, Gray has gone to find Ianto and Owen. You’re going to fine darling, all right? You’re going to be fine. 

 

God Tosh wanted Owen so badly right now.

 

“You’ve got to hurry please.”

 

“Gwen, help Gray. I’ll stay here.” Rhys said.

 

“Are you sure?” Gwen asked turning to him.

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“I’m going to come back for you.” Gwen told Tosh. “You’re going to be okay.”

 

“Okay.” Tosh said softly. 

 

Gwen rushed away but was stopped by Rhys. “Gwen, this could've been you, couldn't it? If you hadn't been late.” 

 

“Look, Rhys, I haven't got time for this now, okay? I've got to go and try and find the others.” She said before running off.

 

Rhys said nothing for a moment. “The bloody Millennium Center blew up.” He said to no one in particular. “People are going to be pissed.”

 

* * *

 

Ianto pushed away a piece of rubble. He was laying on his front and slowly being crushed to death. He let out a loud, pained noise and he tried to claw himself out.

 

He heard Gray calling out his name.

 

_ “I finally got the job Rhiannon.” Ianto said over the phone as he walked back to his flat. It took a bloody pterodactyl to convince the mysterious leader of Torchwood Three, but he was finally able to land a job there. _

 

_ Said woman hummed nervously. “At the same civil servant place?” She asked. _

 

_ “Of course!” It was the only way to save Lisa.  _

 

_ “Do you want my honest opinion?” _

 

_ “I feel like I don’t have much choice in the matter.” Ianto replied, suddenly nervous. _

 

_ “I don’t think you should do it.” _

 

_ “That’s a lot more mild than I was ex-” _

 

_ “This isn’t a ruddy joke! Ever since that Canary Wharf place fell and Lisa died you hadn’t been the same. That place...it traumatized you and you want to go back!” _

 

_ “It’s more complicated than that…” Ianto said finally walking into the building where his flat was. _

 

_ “Not like I would know. You never tell me anything. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”    _

 

_ Ianto, damningly, said nothing. _

 

_ His sister sighed loudly. “I’m here if you need me you stupid lump. Although you better have some juicy gossip to share with me about your new co-workers.” _

 

Ianto Jones came to Gray heaving the large pieces of rubble off of him.

 

“Ready?” He asked Ianto when he had most of the rubble off. He didn’t wait for his answer and started the countdown for when he’ll be pulled out. He was almost standing up when Gwen pushed in to help.

 

He groaned noisily when he straightened himself out. Gray gently rubbed his back.

 

“You okay?” He softly asked.

 

“My shoulder. I think it’s dislocated.” Ianto answered.

 

“Can you take this?” Gray asked bracing his hands against Ianto’s. The implication of what he was intending to do were clear.

 

“Yeah.” He said trying to sound flippant.

 

“Take a deep breath.” Gray ordered.

 

When Gray relocated the shoulder everyone in the building could hear Ianto’s scream.

 

When it was over Gwen leaned heavily on him as Gray looked on worriedly.

 

“Where are the others?” He asked.

 

“We need your help to get Toshiko out.”

 

“Owen?”

 

“No sign yet.”

 

“Tosh is probably really wanting Owen.” Ianto said. 

 

“Of course.” Gwen said.   


 

“Okay, well help Rhys with Toshiko. Let us know when you find Owen. And be careful.”

 

“Okay.” Gwen nodded before running off. Ianto wasn’t so quick to move.

 

“Okay? You alright?” Gray asked grasping his hand and squeezing it.

 

* * *

 

Owen stared warily at one balcony that was threatening to fall at any moment.

 

Dammit just because it was a different place, time, and date didn’t mean this wasn’t going to happen. He just really hoped it wouldn’t.

 

If he dies here he’s going to be pissed.

 

When the edges of his vision darkened he thought he knew what to expect.

 

He was wrong.

 

_ An 18-year-old Owen Harper worriedly looked at his phone.  _

 

_ It was his mum.  _

 

_ His mum that kicked him out two years ago, the mum that said to his face she loved him but didn’t like him, the mum he hasn’t spoken to since he’s been kicked out. _

 

_ She left 4 voicemails on his phone. _

 

_ The first time she called Owen was so stunned he could only stand there and stare. The other times...well...he’d never admit it, even to himself, but he was scared. _

 

_ The fifth time his phone rang he answered it.  _

 

_ They tried for a while after that to have a relationship. They never got along so one of them would say something, the other would get offended, they’d cut off ties with each other, and then a long time after one would contact the other. _

 

_ When Katie died they weren’t on speaking terms. He wondered if she knew. He wondered if she would even care. _

 

_ After he had the visions he didn’t even try to talk to her. He remembered the way she blew off the other Owen and he was sick of this cycle that would leave him furious and unloved. _

 

_ He had told Tosh all of this and she looked bloody furious. It was touching to know someone cared about these things, and cared about him not being treated like he was disposable. It was nice to be worthwhile to someone, even better outside of he saved them. _

 

Owen continued to stare at the balcony. He swallowed nervously.

 

“Heavens.” He mumbled when he saw Gwen. Seeing how close she was he added “Careful. If that falls.” He said pointing to the foyer.

 

“Okay, softly.” She replied.  

 

The balcony fell forward a bit. They both made a panicked noise.

 

“Okay.” Gwen mumbled.

 

“Just be very careful.”

 

“Okay, all right. I'm gonna get you out. Okay, this one?” Gwen asked removing pieces of rubble around him.

 

“Look, you have to do it very, very gently.”

 

“Okay. It isn't going to drop on you.”

 

The balcony edged closer.

 

“Whoa!” Owen exclaimed, panic lodging in his throat. Oh god this is already different and what if he doesn’t make it until the nuclear plant-

 

“Quiet.” Gwen said, her voice cutting through his thoughts.

 

“Okay, okay, silent.” He agreed lad for something else to think about. He wished Tosh was here with him.

 

“I'm going to do this as quickly as possible. Listen to me. I'm going to get you out of this. Look at me. Trust me. Okay, Owen, hold my hand.” Gwen continued. He has never been more grateful for her puttering on.

 

“Slowly.” He reminded her when it inched forward and chairs fell of the foyer.

 

“Hold my hands.” 

 

Gwen pulled him away just as a chair smashed into where he was.

 

* * *

 

They all spilled out of the building. Gray was coughing. He asked if everyone was okay.

 

“Yeah. You all right? Tosh, what happened?” Owen said rushing to her side and looking her over. 

 

“Broken arm, bruised ribs. About an inch away from being crushed by a girder.” She replied.

 

“You were lucky.” He said and, uncaring of the teasing he’ll have to endure, he kissed her gently and pushed her into his side. Her entire body relaxed.

 

“We all were.” Ianto said looking around at everyone. “Gray, who's done this?”

 

“And where's the SUV?” Ianto asked looking around for their ride. 

 

Gray was messing around with his Vortex Manipulator. A hologram message started playing. 

 

“Oh, no.” Ianto groaned when he saw it was Gunner. Owen stiffened.

 

“Gray, what does he want?” Slowly asked.

 

“Ooo, deja vu. Or did I say that already? Hey, team. Of course, there might be a few less of you by now. Don't know if you liked my little gift. Of course, you can't die. And with all that life, all that time, you can't spare any for me. Oh. Say hi to the family.” He said before started another projection. Gray instantly knew who the new figure was even though his head was bowed lowly.

 

“No way. It can't be.” Gray’s voice almost shook.

 

“Been a while since you've seen your brother, eh, Gray?” Gunner grinned. 

 

Gray softly spoke his brother’s name.

 

The figure didn’t respond. He wasn’t even sure the image of his brother wasn’t a still image or not.

 

“Run, run as fast as you can, Gray Thane, your past is catching up to you! Everything you love, everything you hold dear on this wretched place will be thrown in your face. Your entire world is going to shatter. Maybe now you'll want to spend some time with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is over 5,000 words long. Either be very afraid, or very excited.


	32. Exit Wounds [Redacted]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is when everything changes, and Torchwood wasn't ready.

They were all rushing to Rhys’ car when everything went to shit even more than it already had.

 

There were Rift flares throughout the city. Andy called Gwen, and apparently something even worse than the Millenium Center being blown up was going on. He gave everyone their orders. Owen tried several times to talk to Gray but kept being cut off. 

 

They tried to tell him that it was too dangerous, but Gray was their only shot of controlling Gunner.

 

* * *

 

Gray took a deep breath before entering the Hub. The Cogdoor rolled back and the first thing he noticed was music.

 

It was “Uptown Funk”.

 

No wonder Gunner had made a terrible agent, he was careless about his knowledge of the future. This song wouldn't even be written for several more years. 

 

“You used to love this song!” Gunner announced as he waved a towel around wildly. 

 

“ _ You _ used to love this song. I loved it until you played it fifty times in a row.” Gray corrected sourly. He was still mad about that, since you know, there was a reason it was regarded as some of the finest music of the early twenty-first century. 

 

“You're no fun.” Gunner announced before turning the song off. 

 

“Thank you.” Gray grumbled. Hopefully, if he’s lucky, it won’t get stuck in his head for the rest of the day.

 

“I've been here quite a while. What kept you?”

 

“We all survived. You know, if you're gonna set an explosion, you need to be more efficient.” He said sarcastically. “For a terrorism attack you choose a great location.” He added even more sarcastically.

 

“Oh, them. They were just prototypes. Had to test out a theory. How are they all, your little team?” Gunner asked finally standing in front of Gray.

 

“What do you want?” He demanded tiredly.

 

“I want you to know that I love you.” Gunner said with a grin.

 

“Funny way of showing it. This screams more obsession.”

 

“What’s the difference? No, seriously Gray. You have to understand. From my point of view I really do love you.”

 

“This isn’t love.” Gray said. 

 

“What and you have a fond view of love? If I remember correctly you hated your brother for a while because he unselfishly loved you.”

 

Gray opened his mouth to demand where his brother was but was stopped by Gunner pulling out automatic rifles and shooting him.

 

He collapsed into the water, dead.

 

“This is gonna get nasty.”

 

* * *

 

Tosh, Ianto, Owen, and Gwen were having a hell of a time with ghosts, weevils, and other aliens. They wondered where Gray was.

 

* * *

 

Gray hated reviving while chained up. 

 

For a split second he thought he was tied up on the Valiant, but he focused his vision to see the Hub.

 

“Comms and weapons have been removed, in case you're wondering. So no chance of rescue.”

 

“This is a little extreme, don't you think?” 

 

“Yeah you’ve always hated being tied up Gray.” Gunner admitted while moving closer. Gray growled at him.   
  


“Why are you here?” He demanded.

 

“Well, see, now you're interested in me. It's always the same. Nobody cares until you tie them up. Number of reasons, actually. First of all, you were very rude to me.” Gunner said going back to what he was doing.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Gray asked, absolutely disbelieving. 

 

“Very rude indeed. In front of people who barely knew me, you belittled me. I can't let that go.”

 

“You're serious? To me, you deserved it after the stunt you pulled.” He snapped.

 

“Second. You have all of time, eternity essentially, and you still refused to spend time with me. After all we've been through together. After all I've done for you.”

 

All that Gunner has done is cause Gray trouble. Speaking of what he’s done...

 

“What have you done with my brother?” He demanded. His voice almost cracked. Oh god, it was his  _ brother _ , it was his  _ big brother _ who he hasn't seen since that day, he was  _ alive _ , and he was so close but not close enough and...

 

“You don't realise. Actions, ramifications, ripples in the pond. It's beyond my control. Just like what happened to your brother when he saved you. The agony he got for selfishlessly loving you. What those creatures have done to him.”

 

Gray was silent.

 

“He’s the reason I gave up completely on the idea of selfless love. You only get hurt and the people around you get hurt.” he said before moving towards the Rift Manipulator.  “So, localise the Rift storms, a few short sharp shocks.” Gunner said to himself before going to the Rift manipulator.

 

“Don't touch those controls!” Gray screamed.

 

“Oi! I'm working here.” Gunner snapped before flipping the cover to his Vortex Manipulator open and pressing a button. Electricity was sent through Gray’s restraints and he could only gasp and cry out helplessly.

 

“If you don't want that again, keep quiet.”

 

“No.” Gray gasped weakly trying to get Gunner to stop.  


 

“So, I think I'm ready to find the vantage point. A little power and we're all set.” Gunner said to himself. Or maybe Gray too. He couldn’t tell.

 

“Hey! Whatever you're planning, we're going to stop you.” Gray blustered. He had no idea how but Gunner will be stopped. He knew he had to be stopped.   


 

“Oh. Okay.” Gunner said walking towards Gray. “Go on then, stop me. I’m excited to see if you can. Really.” He said watching Gray struggle against the chains. “No? All right, let's go get ourselves a good view.”

 

* * *

 

Gray, Ianto, Tosh, Owen, and Gwen had a front row seat to Cardiff being blown up. 

 

Their city, the city they protected, the city they loved was crippled.

 

Explosions burst all around them and they were helpless as they stared in horror.

 

“You destroyed the city!” Gray cried out, furious and distraught. Cardiff was his home now and it had his family and companions in it, he’s lived and protected it for over a hundred years and fucking Gunner Thomas ruined it!

 

Gunner wrapped his arms around him and made gentle shushing noises. He rubbed his back as if he was trying to comfort Gray.

 

Maybe he was. He was too upset to figure it out.

 

Gwen meanwhile tried to tell Andy what he should do. She turned to see her city in chaos.

 

“ _ What have you done _ ?!” Gray shouted again.

 

“It’s okay, everything is going to be okay, I’m here. I’m here Gray.” Gunner soothingly said as he threw his arm around Gray’s shoulders and rubbed his arm while messing with his Vortex Manipulator.

 

Gray didn’t notice the portal until it was too late.

 

* * *

 

Ianto, Tosh, Owen, and Gwen quickly got their shit together. They had to with Gray missing and Cardiff suffering such a heavy blow.

 

All communication was down. Owen had to fight down his panic when Ianto said the systems for the nuclear plant shut down. The hospitals with no power. It was almost worse than a giant monster over Cardiff and time splintering. 

 

Gwen’s orders sounded easy. Fix the city. Find Gray. Punish Gunner.

 

Owen knew what was coming and he still had little idea how to stop it.

 

Gwen stared for a few seconds longer and wondered where Gray was.

 

* * *

 

Gray woke up in a field.

 

Gunner strut up to him. Before he even got a word in Gray punched him in the face.

 

“Take me back!” Gray demanded. He needed to protect his family, he needed to protect his home.

 

“Have you thought you were taken here for a reason?” Gunner asked. “Remember what I said about love? You’ve seen first hand what selfless love does to you and the people around you.”

 

“I don’t care!” Gray snapped rearing up to punch him again. Gunner ducked, turned around behind himself, and waved to the treeline...

 

Gray leaned to the side and saw his brother.

 

His brother, his big brother, his brother all grown up. Gray softly said his name. Gunner stepped aside. Cloud kept walking towards him.

 

He said nothing.

 

Gray stared as he walked up to him. He felt his eyes well up with tears. His brother threw his arms around him and he gladly returned the gesture. He felt safe in ways he hasn't felt since he was child.

 

He started sobbing on his elder brother’s shoulder and he pressed himself as tightly as he could against him. “I-I’m sorry!” He choked out between gasping breaths. He hasn’t cried this hard in years.

 

His brother growled. He felt himself be pushed onto the ground.

 

Gray stopped crying, but waited for a punch or yelling or whatever else he had in mind for leaving him behind all those years ago. ‘Oh god he hates me he hates me he’ll never forgive me-!’ he was thinking before he realized Cloud was on the ground next to him with a protective arm around him but facing and growling behind himself. It took Gray a moment to process that he wasn’t snarling at him.

 

His brother’s attention was solely focused on Gunner. Gunner who was holding a smoking gun.

 

Gray instantly knew what Gunner was trying to do.

 

Gunner looked shocked. “You knew the plan!” he was saying. Cloud snarled and made a very rude fifty-first century gesture at him.

 

He finally figured out he's been conned.“You tricked me! You used me!” he said next, looking absolutely furious. He tried to aim his gun again but Gray beat him to it. 

 

He took out his own antique gun in a flash and shot Gunner’s arms and legs. Said man collapsed into an agonized heap. 

 

Gray stormed towards him punched him again and again until he was unconscious.

 

The only thing that stopped Gray from killing him right there was because his brother was there. 

 

Cloud wrapped his arms around Gray again, and the now overpowering part of Gray that was firmly a little brother could only sob.

 

His brother traced things on his back like ‘it’s okay’ and ‘I’m here’ and ‘it’s going to be okay’ 

 

Unlike when Gunner said those words, Gray felt like they were true.

 

* * *

 

“I need to go back to Cardiff.” Gray said once he calmed down. His brother nodded. Then he pointed to Gunner.

 

Gray thought about it for a few minutes before deciding the perfect punishment for him.

 

They were going to leave Gunner here and take his Vortex Manipulator. Thousands of years out of his time and injured.

 

Cloud apprehensively held the manipulator while Gray arranged Gunner against a tree.

 

He stood up, nodded at his brother, and took the device out of his hands.

 

They walked to the field again. Gray finally had to ask something that was bothering him for a while.

 

“Why haven’t you talked?” He asked. His brother suddenly looked very nervous. He held out his hand and Gray silently put his arm in his grasp.

 

‘Psychological block. Long story. Talk later?’ He traced onto his skin.

 

Gray dubiously nodded. He moved to pull his arm away but his brother held on longer. For a second he looked terrified of Gray’s reaction. Both from holding onto his arm when Gray as pulling away and what he was going to trace next.

 

‘I call myself Jack now. Jack Harkness.’

 

Gray had so many questions.

 

‘Cardiff?’ Jack traced on his arm.

 

“Yeah.” Gray said. “We need to get back to Cardiff.”

 

* * *

 

:I found Gray!: Gwen said happily over the comms. :With someone?: She added, sounding mightily confused.

 

Owen almost startled back from what he was doing. What? This didn’t happen. Later he waited for the noise that would wake up the weevils, but it never happened. Tosh and Ianto got the Turnmill servers back up with no issues. :Ianto and I are heading back to the Hub.: Tosh said over the comms.

 

None of this happens. He kept finding himself calling the team over the Hub to make sure they were alright. To make sure something different but no less horrible wasn’t happening to them.

 

Owen continued working at the hospital. He stayed until the power was back.

 

* * *

 

When Gwen went to investigate the Rift spike she wasn’t exactly expecting Gray to be there. After it took a few seconds to sink in Gray was was here she threw herself at him and hugged him tightly.

 

The man standing next to Gray flinched away when he saw her moving in their direction.

 

“Who is this then?” Gwen asked when she pulled away and noticed the skittish man.

 

“This is my brother, Jack Harkness.” Gray proudly announced while curling his arm around his shoulders.

 

Gray’s brother kept his head bowed low. She could see fear in his body language.

 

Gwen thought “Jack’s” behavior reminded her of the people at Flat Holm.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Toshiko walked into the Hub she heard Gwen talking to Gray.

 

“-your brother-”

 

What? She stifled her curiosity for now about why they were talking about that and sat down at her computer to try and get communication back up. Gray soon walked into the main part of the Hub with a man she has never seen before in tow.

 

He was...handsome. Maybe the same height as Gray, broader, devastatingly handsome face, nice hair. Then she noticed the rags he was wearing, and finally she noticed the scars. There were deep scars littering the man’s pretty face, maring his neck and hands, and some sort of brand on his jaw on his right side.

 

Tosh openly stared. Gray sat the man down on the other computer and told him what he wanted him to do.

 

The man stared at the computer and cautiously poked the mouse.

 

Tosh felt a flare of annoyance at Gray. Why did he think putting someone who has obviously never seen a computer before on one was a good idea.

 

At first the man struggled, but soon after Toshiko Sato was eating her own words about his technology abilities.

 

She stared in fascination as he got better and better at handling the computer, and she soon noticed he was doing things even she can’t even do.

 

Tosh stood up and walked towards him. He snapped his head towards her as soon as he heard her move.

 

He was probably like her. The scars around his wrists didn’t escape her notice, and they clearly spoke of imprisonment, and with how deep they were likely years of it too.

 

“Toshiko Sato.” She said holding out her hand. He flinched away when she thrust her hand out. She didn’t apologize for scaring him, but she resolved to be more gentle. Tosh saw his hands were trembling now as he reached for a pen and paper.

 

‘Jack Harkness’ he wrote down before showing her.

 

“Nice to meet you Jack.” She gently said. “You’re very good with computers I’ve noticed.” 

 

He looked apprehensive. ‘I’ve’ He wrote down and then paused for a minute. ‘always been good with technology.’

 

“Well I’m impressed. And that’s a high compliment since I’m the computer genius around here.” She said with a teasing smile. Jack looked afraid again, likely fearing her reaction for stepping on her territory, but Tosh wasn’t having that.

 

“The rest of the team can be idiots sometimes.” Tosh whispered like she was imparting some great secret. “With two technology geniuses we can keep them twice as safe.” She added.

 

For the first time Tosh saw him smile. It was obvious he was unused to it, but it made him look less...sad. 

 

* * *

 

Ianto was very unsure about the newcomer. And the newcomer was  _ very _ unsure about the rest of them.

 

Gray trusted him, so Ianto will follow suit. He wasn’t exactly a threat after all.

 

He noticed him looking at everything, likely to get a mental map of everything, and couldn’t stop being afraid.

 

Jack was typing along on the computer. He saw Tosh speaking with him earlier. Ianto was going to go back to the police station to see if Gwen wanted him to do anything else, but he wanted to make sure everyone had the proper fuel for the massive task in front of them.

 

He set cups of coffee on Gray’s desk, Tosh’s computer, and next to Jack.

 

Jack snapped his attention towards him when he heard him approaching. He looked ready to flee.

 

Ianto didn’t respond to his fear.

 

He gently put down the cup next to him. He was going to leave until he saw Jack cautiously sniff it.

 

He looked confused.

 

“What?” Ianto asked a little bit annoyed. Jack started writing something down.

 

‘What is it?’

 

Ianto stared and gaped. How has this man lived his entire life without coffee?

 

“It’s coffee. It’s a stimulant.” Ianto explained before feeling unsure whether Mr. Harkness would know what a stimulant was since he didn't seem to know what coffee was.

 

Jack took the cup and took a hesitant sip.

 

His face broke into a huge grin.

 

He put the cup down, wrote something down, and showed Ianto.

 

‘Thank you!’

 

Ianto Jones nearly visibly preened. He mumbled a “You’re welcome.” and retreated to the coffee station.

 

The newcomer looked very handsome smiling, and it's been far too long since Ianto has received a ‘thank you’.

 

* * *

 

Owen shuffled into the Hub. He was exhausted.

 

He was about to start making a show of bitching when saw Jack Harkness at one of the computers. Owen’s brain was still going mad with how different this all was and what possible horrors awaited them instead of what happened in the other universe he automatically kicked into Fight or Flight mode when he saw him. He immediately went flying towards him, fucking  _ god _ , the man who took Gray’s place in the other universe and the man who was still so important to the other Owen. Despite that if Gray was here and Jack wasn’t, and in the other universe it was vise versa then what changes between those two universes.

 

Gwen told the other Owen who had actually bombed Cardiff.

 

Owen Harper punched Jack right out of the chair. He made no sound, but his eyes were wide. Scared. This man was scared. He made no move to defend himself. Owen punched him again.

 

“Owen!” Tosh shouted running towards them. “Owen stop that’s Gray’s-”

 

“I know! That’s why-” Owen interrupted and he hit Jack again.

 

“He’s helping us! Owen what you saw, this Jack isn’t like that Gray.” Tosh explained. Owen looked at her and then back to Jack while his arm was still poised for another punch.

 

Jack’s eyes were glazed over. He wasn’t there anymore.

 

Seeing that finally snapped his panicked defense. “Shit.” Owen mumbled moving away from him. “God I thought-”

 

“I know.” Tosh said moving over to hug him. 

 

It took sixteen minutes of them leaving him completely alone before Jack returned.

 

“Look, I’m sorry mate.” Owen said trying for ‘gentle’. “I thought...I thought-”

 

Jack looked terrified of him. 

 

This Jack wasn’t like the other Jack either.

 

* * *

 

Around 5:30 Gray finally sent his team home to get a few hours of sleep.

 

They all eagerly left and the only ones remaining in the Hub was Gray and Jack. 

 

“Come here please.” Gray said moving towards the raggedy couch. Jack obediently followed him. “I’ll be right back.” He said as Jack sat down.

 

Gray found the thickest, comfiest blanket he owned and grabbed his own pillow.

 

He was fussing with the pillow when Jack gently touched the blanket. Gray thought he mouthed ‘soft’. He promptly burst into tears.

 

Gray stood there stunned for a moment before sitting next to him and tightly hugging him.

 

His tears turned into gut-busting sobs and Jack tightly clung to Gray.

 

It made him wonder how long it’s been he’s had the simple pleasure of a ruddy blanket. It also made him wonder about how this is the first time he’s seen his brother cry.

 

“Shhhh. Shhh. It’s okay. It’s okay now. You’re okay. Shhhhh.” Gray gently hushed. He almost felt like crying himself, but he wouldn't because he needed to be there for him just bloody once without fearing Jack will push aside his agony just to comfort Gray. “I know. I know, Jack.”

 

He never realized it, but as children Jack did that a lot. 

 

Seeing how this was his reaction to a blanket, and perhaps it finally sinking in he is  _ free _ , Jack Harkness deserves a lot more than just a good cry.

 

Jack bawled for a while. He hugged Gray just as tightly as Gray was holding him. When his sobs finally reduced into sniffles Gray had so many questions.

 

“What happened?” Gray whispered. 

 

Jack made no move to answer for several minutes. He reached over to the table in front of the couch where the man who had beat him put a pad of paper and a pen. Jack had to stop a shiver at the thought of the short, angry man.

 

‘Those creatures, they live to torture’ Jack wrote. ‘Gunner found me chained to the ruins of a city, abandoned. He was going to kill me, your team, destroy your city, and make you run into his arms in your grief.’

 

“That bastard.” Gray hissed. To give him back his brother only to kill him seemed so unimaginably cruel to Gray. He didn't know what Gunner was thinking when he thought murdering his big brother right after being reunited with him wouldn't do anything besides make Gray despise his existence.

 

‘I tricked him into thinking I was more broken than I was.’ Jack wrote next. ‘He told me about Boeshane.’ He added, the word ‘Boeshane’ looked wobbly because of Jack's suddenly trembling hands.

 

Gray nodded. “You avoided my question.” he pointed out as he moved closer to him after reading the last bit of what he wrote.

 

Jack flinched. He mulled over what he was going to right next for several minutes. ‘Gray I have no words to describe what those creatures had done to me. If you can hurt someone by doing it to someone it was done to me. We’d be hemmed in by corpses and we’d pray to become one.’ 

 

Gray looked at the words and looked at his brother. He studied the scars he could see, and wondered about the ones he couldn't see.

 

“How did you survive?” Gray whispered, almost on the verge of tears again. 

 

‘I thought about you needing me. I thought about going home.’

 

Gray exhaled sharply. Before he could respond how disappointing this all must be Jack started writing again.

 

‘Even if I can’t go home and you don’t  need me, you still want me here?’ Jack wrote down. He added a plaintive ‘right?’ at the end.

 

“I’ve wanted you with me everyday.” Gray said. And it was true. There hasn’t been a day where he hadn’t wanted his big brother with him.

 

Jack smiled and Gray smiled back. After a few seconds he seemed to remember something.

 

‘You apologized earlier. Why?’

 

Gray stared at the words for a very long time.

 

“That Day, I abandoned you.” Gray slowly said. Jack looked confused.

 

‘I told you to leave without me.’ He wrote. ‘It wasn’t your responsibility to take care of me.’

 

Gray saw red. “It shouldn’t have been yours!” Gray sunk deeper into the couch. “God, you were a kid too. You shouldn’t have been responsible for my fate.”

 

‘It’s a older brother’s duty to keep their little siblings safe.’ Jack wrote.

 

“You’re not just my big brother! You’re also my brother, and brothers protect each other.” 

 

Jack stared.

 

“We can protect each other, Jack.” Gray said. Jack cautiously nodded. He didn’t look convinced, but he’ll take it.

 

Gray was so relieved he collapsed onto his brother.

 

Jack wrapped the blanket around the both of them. They were about to drift off when Gray had another question.

 

“Why can’t you make any noise?” Gray mumbled. He heard the scratching of pen on paper and he waited for his response.

 

Jack pressed it into his hand.

 

‘Psychological block. They’d punish me sometimes for making any noise, and that Pavlov response shit made me too scared to make noise.’ Jack explained.

 

“You’re very well-read.” 

 

‘I relearned how to read and write behind Gunner’s back. We were hiding out in a library and I was able to learn lots of things.’ Jack paused. ‘I found the name ‘Jack Harkness’ in a book about World War II heroes.’

 

“You wanted something to work up to.” Gray said. “You’re already my hero.”

 

Gray was tired enough he didn’t see Jack’s misty-eyed look.

 

Jack traced ‘I love you’ on Gray’s skin. 

 

“I love you too.” Gray mumbled almost asleep. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

 

When Gray was asleep Jack whispered, with no small amount of fear, “Me too.”

 

* * *

 

The next day Gray formally introduced his team to Jack.

 

When Gray declared Jack was his older brother Ianto turned to the others and said “I told you I knew everything.” 

 

Tosh and owen grumbled but made no effort to disagree with him. Gwen giggled. They should've known he'd win the bet.

 

Jack and Tosh got along amazingly. Over the next few days the two of them could be seen hunched together over some alien artifact or technology. Tosh would all sorts of techno-babble words that not even Gray understood and Jack would nod knowingly. He became Tosh’s unofficial mentor of sorts.

 

Him and Ianto got along well too. Ianto was teaching Jack British Sign Language and later Ianto would admit to him he found Jack fascinating.

 

Jack remained terrified of Owen. Gray tried his best not to get angry with Owen when he found out why, but he sure Owen saw his annoyance. He wanted his brother and other family to get along. He saw why Owen did what he did though.

 

Owen would feel worse about the situation when Gray would ask him to look Jack over for any and all medical problems and he saw the full extent of Jack’s scars.

 

His back was essentially one giant scar from being whipped over and over again. Owen could guess the time apart from each whipping because of the level of healing in each. His torso wasn’t much better.

 

Fucking medical degree. He knew some of those scars came from because of that. He spied one in his side that was made from a knife and then likely got horribly infected. The man’s entire body was almost one large scar.

 

Jack kept his head bowed the entire time. Owen didn’t know if it was out of shame or fear, or out of both. 

 

Gwen was unsure about him because how heavily traumatized he would act at times. She wasn’t sure Torchwood would be the best place for Jack. Still, they became fast friends, and Gwen finally found someone she would gossip with. 

 

Her fears aren’t unfounded. It was obvious Jack had some severe trauma that he would have to work through.

 

He remained extremely hypervigilant about Torchwood, both it’s members and the Hub, for weeks. No matter how comfortable he seemed with Gray, Ianto, or Tosh he would constantly look over his shoulder and the smallest action would have him preparing to be beaten or tortured. He had flashbacks, panic attacks, and nightmares.

 

The thing was with Jack’s sleeping habits is that it took them awhile to realize it’s when Jack is still and silent is when he was having his worst nightmares. When Jack was afraid he took up even less room than he already did. He would go so quiet and still Gray would barely notice him breathing.

 

At first Jack couldn’t stand to be touched after his nightmares, but several weeks after they were reunited he finally hugged Gray tightly after he awoke with a frightened and silent gasp. 

 

Gray said nothing as he held his brother and tried to say without words that he was there for him.

 

* * *

 

The next day Gray found Jack standing on top of a building. Gray would never admit for a split second he was terrified Jack would jump.

 

Gray walked past him and sat at the edge. Jack copied him.

 

‘You love this place.’ Jack handed him a piece of paper with those words written on it.

 

“I do.” Gray said. Now that he wasn’t afraid his brother was suddenly suicidal he could get a good look at what he was wearing and find humor in it.

 

Jack looked like he was a soldier that just walked out of the 1940’s. 

 

They had gone clothes shopping a few days after Jack’s arrival and Gray was honestly befuddled why Jack choose the clothes he did. He explained later it was because he never got the chance to dress nicely before and he rather liked the look. To top it all off he also stole Gray’s RAF greatcoat that he never wore. 

 

Jack never said anything about it, but Gray suspected Jack knew what war was like.

 

Gray was forced back into the present by Jack shoving a piece of paper into his hand.

 

‘And the people in this ‘Torchwood’. You love them.’

 

“Like they’re my family too.” Gray said. 

 

Jack seemed to think about what he was going write next for a long time. Gray didn’t look over his shoulder when he started writing again.

 

‘I want to grow to love it too.’ Jack had wrote when Gray was handed the piece of paper. ‘I want to eventually join Torchwood. I want to become a part of this place.’

 

Gray stared. The future wasn’t something either of them had started talking about yet. He thought about the logistics of his brother, his heavily traumatized brother joining  _ Torchwood,  _ long and hard.

 

His brother was also brilliant, and loves fiercely.

 

He nodded.

 

Jack grinned widely and tightly hugged him. Gray hugged him back. 

 

Later that day when Jack was working on a piece of technology with Tosh and when it worked the way he wanted it to he let out an extremely pleased sounding hum.

 

He trembled and fearfully waited for punishment, but none came.

 

If he was going to grow to love these people, he had decided, he needed to learn how to trust them first.

  
Jack Harkness had a long way to go still, and him and his brother still had so much they needed to talk about, but for the first time in  _ so long _ he felt happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also: I drew a scene from this chapter. In my defense I desperately needed these bros to hug and not have one end up dead, or unconscious.
> 
> https://thearchivist-theprime.tumblr.com/post/172809080007/i-needed-bro-hugs-so-i-used-my-own-fanfic-as-an


	33. The Stolen Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently in end-of-the-semester hell, so expect slow updates.

Gray pushed himself from the floor and shoved the stuff that fell on him away. “Whoa, what happened? Was it the Rift?” He mumbled to himself before moving towards the main part of the Hub “Everyone? You okay?”

 

“No broken bones. Slight loss of dignity. No change there then.” Ianto said rubbing his head. Gwen was collapsed next to him. Owen was grumbling up a storm but was already helping Toshiko up. Jack was trembling. Gwen crawled over to reassure him, but his hypervigilance already had him halfway to a panic attack. 

 

“The whole of the city must've felt that. The whole of South Wales.” Gwen said getting up from the ground when she decided Jack needed space more than her clumsy efforts to comfort him.

 

“I'm going to take a look outside.” Gray said rushing past all of them.

 

Tosh was already back at her computer. The others gathered around her and stood gaping at what she had discovered.

 

“A little bit bigger than South Wales.” Ianto announced. 

 

Gray stood on the Plass. “That's just impossible.” he whispered when he looked up. 

 

* * *

 

Even through Jack’s fear, he tried to be as helpful as possible. Everyone is Torchwood rushed around each other as they tried to figure out what was going on

 

Gwen stepped away to call Rhys and keep her family calm.

 

Gray was talking about the artificial atmospheric shell when she rejoined the others.

 

It was Jack who first noticed the flashing red dot among the planets.

 

* * *

 

“Three thousand miles and closing.” Gwen announced. “But who are they?”

 

Gray was fidgeting with his phone when it started to ring. “Martha Jones, voice of the Nightingale. Tell me this is a massive revenge conspiracy you made to get back at me for suddenly springing the news that my brother is back.”

 

“I wish. Have you heard from the Doctor?” Martha asked. Jack was momentarily grateful Gray remembered to put her on speakerphone.

 

Gray wanted to scoff. Why would he try to contact  _ him _ ? “Not a word. Where are you?”

 

“New York.”

 

“Oh, nice for some.”

 

“I've been promoted. Medical Director on Project Indigo.”

 

“Did you get that thing working?” Gray asked skeptically. 

 

Martha paused for a long moment. “Indigo's top secret. No one's supposed to know about it.” She said.

 

“I met a soldier in a bar. Long story.” Gray answered. Everyone looked at Gray oddly.

 

“When was that?” Ianto asked, honestly curious.

 

“I just got him a little drunk!” Gray said defensively. 

 

“1500 miles boys and girls. And accelerating. They're almost here.” Gwen interrupted. “Owen, did you see anything about this?” She asked turning around towards him. 

 

“I bloody died in that alternate timeline before all of this bollocks.” He snapped. “I don’t know anything beyond that day Cardiff was blown up.”

 

Tosh spoke up and said they were receiving a message from the ships. 

 

“Patch it through!” Gray ordered while everyone huddled around the computer.

 

“ _ Exterminate _ !” was repeated over and over again.

 

“Well that’s bloody annoy-” Owen started to say before he heard Gray whisper “No.” in an absolutely horrified tone of voice. 

 

“Oh, no.” Gray whispered again. Jack was immediately by his side and hugging him tightly.

 

“What is it? Who are they? Do you know them, Gray?” Gwen asked and the rest were thinking the same thing. What creatures could shake Gray so completely?

 

He drew the people closest to him into his arms, Gwen and Owen, and pressed himself onto Tosh’s back as he reached over to Ianto to pull him closer. He kissed all of their heads. Jack never let him go. 

 

“There’s nothing I can do.” Gray whispered. Gwen looked up to see his expression twist fearfully. “I’m sorry, we’re dead.”

 

Everyone knew they were fucked then.

 

* * *

 

After failing to save Martha from whatever device she used and military bases falling everyone in Torchwood despondently sat in different places of the Hub. Gwen held her phone with trembling hands and debated whether she wanted to leave. Tosh and Owen sat together of the couch, holding and comforting each other. Ianto sat in a chair. Jack sat on the autopsy table worriedly staring at Gray. 

 

They heard Earth surrender.

 

Gray wanted to show his brother the wonder on Earth and now that was never going to happen. He hit his head against the wall. Jack never had the chance to be a  _ person _ again. He barely got the chance to be free again. They never had the chance to be brothers again.

 

“This message is of the utmost importance. We haven't much time. Can anyone hear me?” A woman said over the still open communication network. They should really turn that off.

 

“Someone's trying to get in touch.” Gwen said after walking to the computer. 

 

“The whole world's crying out. Just leave it.” Gray mumbled, utterly defeated. Jack bounced his foot trying to think of the best way of keeping Gray and his team sane right now,

 

The image on the computer started getting clearer.

 

“Gray Thane, shame on you. Now stand to attention, sir.” The voice said, effectively grabbing everyone’s attention. They all rushed to huddle around the computer. Tosh tries to clear the static in the image.

 

“What? Who is that?” Gray asked leaning over Tosh’s shoulder and trying to see the woman better.

 

The image finally was completely clear. The woman held up an ID.

 

“Harriet Jones, former Prime Minister.” She said. 

“Yeah, I know who you are.” He replied.

 

She called for a ‘Sarah Jane Smith’. After some tinkering 4 screens popped up. Gray grinned widely when he saw Martha. 

 

Harriet and Martha explained how they all came together.

 

“I’ve been following your work.” Gray said when they were introduced to Sarah Jane Smith. “Nice job with the Slitheen.” He said. He knew a thing or two about them.

 

“Yeah, well, I've been staying away from you lot. Too many guns.” She replied nodding her head towards the teenager standing next to her.

 

Jack wrote something down on his notepad and showed it to the screen. It said: ‘All the same, might I say looking good, ma'am?’

 

Gray nearly keeled over laughing. Everyone on his team snickered a bit. His team’s reaction to finding out Jack was a flirt was hysterical, and especially compared to Gray’s own dislike for romance and sex.

 

She looked flattered enough. Harriet looked at him with a confused expression on his face. She had thought there were five members of Torchwood, and she especially didn’t know anyone in Torchwood who couldn’t speak. She really wanted to ask who this unknown man was, but there wasn’t time.

 

Harriet introduced Sarah Jane to Martha and started to explain how she able to contact them. 

 

“I swear I’m starting to think I’m just chopped liver here with all this talk of ‘the Doctor, the Doctor, the Doctor” Owen mumbled. Tosh grinned and already had a bad joke about him being the doctor of her heart or something on the tip of her tongue. She restrained herself.

 

Finding out the Doctor deposed Harriet Jones was an interesting tidbit to find out. Jack, Tosh, Owen, Ianto, and Gwen were getting weird vibes from this ‘Doctor’ alien everyone admired so.

 

Gray finally had the idea of using Torchwood to contact the Doctor. After he asked about the kid, Sarah Jane’s son apparently, Ianto pushed through so the others on the Subwave Network could see him.

 

“Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry. Hello. Ianto Jones. Er, if we start transmitting, then this Subwave Network is going to become visible. I mean, to the Daleks.” he asked, raising a valid point. 

 

“Teaboy has the right idea. That’s a first.” Owen said. Gwen slapped him on his arm and told him to be nice.

 

Harriet explained the signal would trace back to her. She explained how her life didn’t matter when it came to the defense of Earth.

 

Jack saluted. He knew a thing or two of sacrifice, and he wanted to honor her decision.

 

She acknowledged him with a thank you. It was too late now to find out his name, but she appreciated his respect for her decision.

 

Gray looked back and forth at them with a torn expression on his face. Harriet thought he almost looked sick. Still, that didn’t matter now.

 

Harriet said a few more inspirational words. Gray’s team started frantically running around the Hub setting up the network.

 

After the signal was sent stuff started exploding and showering the area with sparks.

 

“I think we’ve got a fix!” Gray announced.

 

Jack took deep breaths.

 

* * *

 

“Thane, I'm transferring the Subwave Network to Torchwood. You're in charge now. And tell the Doctor from me, he chose his companions well.”

 

Gray didn’t tell her that doesn’t extend to him. She was dying for this planet so he didn't want to damper on that sacrifice.

 

They heard her die. 

 

The screen where they saw her cut out.

 

Jack looked one step shy of a panic attack.

 

* * *

 

The screen that was previously Harriet’s suddenly showed the Doctor.

 

Gray’s grin fell.

 

“Where the hell have you been?!” He demanded. “Doctor it’s the Daleks!” 

 

“Oh, he's a bit nice. I thought he'd be older.” Gwen said.

 

“He's not that young.” Ianto replied.

 

“Good to know I’m still the most handsome doctor around here.” Owen said. Tosh laughed. Nobody knew whether it was with him or at him.

 

Jack’s lips were pursed in thought. As in probably thinking about how fast he could get him undressed.

 

Gray looked back and forth at them for a moment, utterly befuddled by his team’s reactions to the Doctor, and decided not to comment about it.

 

They all explained what was going on and the Doctor’s current companion was filled in on who these new people were.

 

“Who is he?” Donna asked pointing to Gray.

 

“Gray Thane, head of Torchwood. Don’t.” He said looking at her. “He’s not interested in anyone ever.” He explained to her.

 

* * *

 

The screen suddenly cut out. A new voice could be heard, and it took several moments for the image to come back.

 

It was clear he was talking exclusively to the Doctor. 

 

They all stood stunned for a minute looking at some vaguely humanoid looking creature. 

 

Tosh thought he looked a bit like Captain Pike in the original Star Trek after his injuries. 

 

“So this arsehole created those trashcan nazis out there.” Owen hissed under his breath.

 

This ‘Davros’, the Doctor, and some squirmy tentacle creature they called ‘Dalek Caan’ went on about things Torchwood didn’t have any idea about. 

 

Jack looked like he was going to be sick when Davros revealed his chest. None of them wanted to know the circumstances that Davros’ chest reminded Jack of his time being tortured.

 

* * *

 

Gray rushed past Tosh, Ianto, and Gwen on the computers.

 

“Gwen, Dalek saucer heading for the Bay. They've found us.” Ianto said. Gwen took his place at the computer and started frantically typing.

Gray grabbed a big gun while he was asking Martha about the code for the Indigo device.

 

“Yeah, that's the teleport base code.” He explained. “And that's all I need, to get this thing working again.” Gray said messing with his Vortex Manipulator. 

 

“Oscillating four and nine.” He mumbled to himself. “Thank you, Martha Jones.” He cheerfully added before snapping the phone shut. 

 

Jack handed him the big gun back.

 

“I've got to go. I've got to find the Doctor.”

 

No one said anything. 

 

“I'll come back.” Gray said, misunderstanding their silence. “I'm coming back.” He added very seriously. 

 

“Don't worry about us. Just go.” Gwen said.

 

“We'll be fine.” Ianto added.

 

“You'd better be.” Gray said. “Take care of each other, you hear?” He said before adjusting the gun and vanishing.

 

They barely had a chance to breathe before the entire place shook.

 

They were silent as they listened for whatever caused it. They heard the Daleks repeat ‘exterminate’ over and over.

 

“They're here.” Gwen said.

 

“I’m starting to think my alternate self got off lucky by missing this bollocks.” Owen announced dramatically. Tosh hit him on his shoulder.

 

* * *

 

Gwen disappeared for several minutes before coming back with machine guns. She opened her mouth, no doubt preparing a speech about going down fighting when Tosh interrupted her.

 

“I got the Time Lock working.” She declared rushing over to her computer and madly typing. Jack ran to the other computer to help. There was only so much he could do given how this was a Tosh original. “I finally finished it. When this activates the Hub will be sealed in a time bubble. Nothing can get in.”

 

“Then we can’t get out.” Gwen pointed out.

 

“It’ll be fine for now. We’ll have time to think of a plan and let Gray, the Doctor, and the others fix this mess.” Tosh said finally activating it. Jack rushed over and kissed her on the forehead.

 

“Brilliant!” He declared. His voice cracked, and it was obvious he hasn’t spoken in a long time, but everyone was thrilled by the weakly spoken word.

 

“She is, isn’t she?” Owen said with a grin that was uncharacteristically soft for him. Toshiko blushed slightly at his praise but didn’t turn her head away.

 

If the circumstances were better they’d all be much happier about Jack actually speaking.


	34. Journey's End

Gray, Donna, and Rose stood there completely surprised for a moment. Gray stared blankly ahead while his grip on Rose and Donna didn’t waver. Both women looked equally befuddled.

 

The Doctor leaned down at in the jar that contained his hand and blew away the remainder Regeneration energy.

 

He quickly explained what had happened to his former companions and his new one.

 

“You’re still you?” Rose tentatively asked slowly walking closer. 

 

“I’m still me.” The Doctor declared. 

 

Rose paused before tightly hugging the Doctor.

 

Donna and Gray happily and silently watched them. The Doctor and Rose held on to each other for several more minutes before Rose let go and practically pressed herself to his side and held his hand.

 

“Don’t think I forgot about you Mister!” Rose declared playfully glaring at Gray. 

 

He moved from where he was standing to hug her. 

 

God, she missed him. She sometimes would miss him the most whenever it was almost too painful to think of her Doctor or when she suddenly found herself to be a big sister and she had no idea what to do or she just needed someone like a big brother to her.

 

She gave him the tightest one-armed hug she could possibly give.

 

* * *

 

Okay, so, the loss of the TARDIS was a massive blow. 

 

Gray tried to keep a level head the best he could, although it was hard when he remembered what happened last time when it was him and the Doctor and Rose fighting the Daleks, and he tried to think of anything that might help.

 

He felt his own sorrow and anger at the loss of that incredible ship, but Rose and the Doctor needed him. 

 

They didn’t need him right at that place though.

 

Gray made a show of shooting the Supreme Dalek and got the obvious retribution of being exterminated.

 

He was glad the Doctor understood his plan when he pulled Rose away.

 

When the Doctor and Rose were whisked away the Doctor looked back at him.

 

Gray winked and closed his eye. 

 

The Doctor looked away.

 

* * *

 

After two miles of ventilation shafts in the Dalek Crucible Gray was actually thrilled to see Mickey and Jackie and Sarah Jane.

 

He made a show of being annoyed though. At least to Gray’s credit he didn’t call him ‘Mickey the Idiot’.

 

“You can talk, Captain Uninteresting.” Mickey shot back. There was a pause before Gray threw his arms out, Micke grinned widely, and they tightly hugged.

 

“Not your best insult.” Gray grinned when they pulled away. Mickey made a “L” with his hand, like how Gray had made the same “whatever” sign at him like when they had first met, and Gray responded with said hand motion.

 

Sarah Jane cleared her throat. Gray turned to her and saluted. 

 

“There is something we can do. You've got to understand. I have a son down there on Earth. He's only fourteen years old. I've brought this.” She explained holding up a necklace with a shining gem on it. “It was given to me by a Verron Soothsayer. He said, this is for the End of Days.” 

 

She gave them the Warp Star.

 

* * *

 

Gray could see the Doctor’s look of shame from here. He delicately held the Warp Star.

 

Personally, he didn’t care. He already disappointed the Doctor, and he’s never going to have his approval.

 

The only person he wanted to make proud was far away from here and will die if they didn’t do anything. As would Sarah Jane’s son. And Martha’s family. And Jackie’s family.

 

It must have been startling for the other companions though, to see the Doctor look at them in shame.

 

Rose turned to him to make a comment about the ransom to see his expression.

 

“And the prophecy unfolds.” Davros drawled out.

 

“The Doctor's soul is revealed.” Caan laughed. “See him. See the heart of him.”

 

“The man who abhors violence, never carrying a gun. But this is the truth, Doctor. You take ordinary people and you fashion them into weapons. Behold your Children of Time. Transformed into murderers. I made the Daleks, Doctor. You made this.”

 

Gray found it unfair to judge the Doctor by them. No one is as clever or resourceful as the Doctor, and he inspired every single one of them to protect Earth when he could not.

 

Maybe it was wrong to think that.

 

“They're trying to help.” The Doctor weakly said.

 

“Already I have seen them sacrifice today, for their beloved Doctor. The Earth woman who fell opening the Subwave Network.” Davros continued.

 

“Who was that?”

 

“Harriet Jones. She gave her life to get you here.” Rose cut in before any of the Daleks could.  

 

“How many more? Just think. How many have died in your name? The Doctor. The man who keeps running, never looking back because he dare not, out of shame. This is my final victory, Doctor. I have shown you yourself.” Davros declared.

 

The Dalek Supreme cut in.

 

Gray automatically tried to help Martha up when they were all suddenly transported.

 

Their defiance was short-lived and soon they all were as trapped as the Doctor and Rose.

 

They all helplessly waited for whatever will come next. The Reality Bomb took several moments to activate and the Doctor and his Children of Time anxiously waited for the destruction of reality itself.

 

The Doctor made one last desperate plea for Davros to not do this but was ignored.

 

The sudden sound of the TARDIS materializing was impossible to ignore though.

 

Of course, it was very exciting for several moments, especially since another Doctor ran out, but was ultimately underwhelming because of how easily this new Doctor and Donna were defeated.

 

The tension rose once again and was even more potent this time because of how truly helpless they were this time.

 

Humans and Timelord(s) alike waited anxiously for the destruction of everything they knew until…

 

Until it stopped.

 

Everyone looked around the Vault frantically trying to see what happened until Donna started to talk.

 

The Doctor looked extremely befuddled by her sudden technology expertise but everyone decided to run with it because they had a Dalek empire to defeat.

 

* * *

 

Owen, Tosh, Gwen, Ianto, and Jack suddenly startled at the Dalek suddenly exploding. Jack had to remind himself to breathe.

 

It as the most excitement they’d had in hours. Sitting around uselessly didn’t bode well for any of them.

 

Owen already has tried to persuade Tosh to have ‘end of the world sex’ with him twice. Jack asked if the offer could include him, and Owen looked at Tosh. She cringed a bit in response. She wasn’t really into threesomes, and besides Jack was already reminding her of a brotherly figure. 

 

Owen shrugged after seeing her look, and they all had gathered around the computer again.

 

“There goes the time lock.” Gwen said, sounding exasperated at the burning corpse of the Dalek. 

 

“Yeah, and there goes the murderous space nazi.” Owen snapped. “Count your blessings, Cooper.”

 

Ianto shrugged. He looked over at Jack who was nervously wringing his hands. He walked over and grabbed one of Jack’s hands and held it in his own. He remembered Gray doing the same thing for him. 

 

Jack’s body was still stiff with tension, but he also didn’t look like he was going to run and hide either.

 

“Ianto.” He softly said.

 

“Yeah.” Ianto replied. Jack comfortingly rubbed his arm. “I know.” 

 

* * *

 

The Dalek ship shook. 

 

“Do you know what you've done? Now get in the TARDIS! Everyone! All of you, inside! Run!” the Doctor demanded at his metacrisis self before demanding everyone to get into his ship. “In! In! In! In!”

 

Inside the TARDIS the other Doctor was making sure everyone was getting in. “Sarah Jane! Rose! Jackie! Jack! Mickey!” 

 

Outside of the ship, amongst the destruction and chaos, the Doctor wanted someone to live. “Davros? Come with me. I promise I can save you.” He said holding out his hand.

“Never forget, Doctor, you did this. I name you. Forever, you are the Destroyer of the Worlds!” Davros declared grandly before being engulfed in flames.

 

“One will still die.” Caan croaked out at him before suffering the same fate.

 

The Doctor ran inside the TARDIS and loudly declared “And off we go!” to his companions.

. 

“But what about the Earth? It's stuck in the wrong part of space.” Sarah Jane asked after they escaped the exploding Dalek ship. 

 

“I'm on it. Torchwood Hub, this is the Doctor. Are you receiving me?” The Doctor asked into his screen.

 

Gray felt a stab of pride at the Doctor’s recognition on how his team can help.

 

“Loud and clear. Is Gray there?” Gwen answered rushing to the screen. All of Gray’s team huddled together to finally know what was going on.

 

“Course! Indestructible, our Gray. Speaking of, what's her name?” The Doctor asked turning to Gray as he pointed to the screen.

 

“Gwen Cooper.” Gray announced.

 

“Tell me, Gwen Cooper, are you from an old Cardiff family?” The Doctor asked turning to her.

 

“Yes, all the way back to the eighteen hundreds.” She answered, turning to the others and just sounding very confused.

 

“Ah, thought so. Spatial genetic multiplicity.” He explained while he turned to Rose.

 

“Oh, yeah.” Rose said grinning knowingly.

 

Gray, seeing her he realized there was someone he wanted Rose to meet, spoke up. “Hey is Jack okay?” He asked towards the computer screen.

 

“Yes.” Ianto said after turning to said man and seeing him nod his head. 

 

“Jack, I need to introduce you to someone. Come to the front of the screen please.” Gray requested.

 

The Doctor and Rose watched the man in period military clothes and hasn’t said anything yet take Gwen’s place at the screen. The outfit kind of reminded Rose of when they had first met Gray.

 

“Rose, this is my brother Jack Harkness, Jack, this is Rose Tyler.” Gray introduced and his face broke into the happiest, most proud looking smile anyone on the ship had ever seen. Both Jack and Rose grinned hugely at each other once he was done speaking.

 

The Doctor stared at Gray for a long moment and did not say a thing.

 

“Oh my god! It’s fantastic to meet you. Gray has told me so much about you.” Rose declared, much to the Doctor’s confusion. He didn’t even know Gray had a brother, yet she knew? And the way Gray and she was acting, this as more important than just a meeting between a friend and a brother.

 

Jack suddenly looked apprehensive at Rose’s words. Gray, who was leaning over towards them, was immediately concerned and it took a moment to realize it wasn't his trauma making him fearful but something else. When he figured it out he looked almost offended.

 

“I was nice!” He announced defensively. It has been so long since Gray had the opportunity to heckle Jack it felt like an ill-fitting favorite piece of clothing to be finally able to tease and be teased back by his brother. Maybe with hard work, this type of easy arguing can fit again. Jack silently laughed and wrote something down in his notebook. He held it up for her to see, and it said ‘Pleased to meet you. May I say you look just as lovely as your namesake suggests?’

 

Rose laughed, but no one missed the blush that took over her face. 

 

Martha leaned over to get a look at him. “If brothers aren’t as daft as they look Jack must be a genius.” She said looking him over. “Can’t wait to be formally introduced.”

 

“Come back to visit us!” Gray said turning to mock glare at her.

 

The Doctor just looked confused. 

 

“Yeah, it's a funny old world.” He said a bit awkwardly. “Now, Torchwood, I want you to open up that Rift Manipulator. Send all the power to me.”

 

“Doing it now, sir.” Ianto said running off.

 

The rest of the plan went off without a hitch.

  
  


When the Doctor dropped off Gray, Mickey, Martha, and Sarah Jane he heard Martha say something to the effect of Gray having to introduce Jack to her. Sarah Jane laughed a bit at the mention of him again.

 

Gray explained to Mickey that Jack was more flash then he was and Mickey groaned dramatically.

 

It was strange to the Doctor that he was the only one out of the loop.

 

* * *

 

“I thought we could try the planet Felspoon. Just because. What a good name, Felspoon. Apparently, it's got mountains that sway in the breeze. Mountains that move. Can you imagine?” Donna said after touching the screen for a moment and messing with the TARDIS controls.

 

“And how do you know that?” 

 

“Because it's in your head. And if it's in your head, it's in mine.”

 

“And how does that feel?” 

 

“Brilliant! Fantastic! Molto bene! Great big universe, packed into my brain. You know you could fix that chameleon circuit if you just tried hotbinding the fragment links and superseding the binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary.” Donna repeated over and over. She gasped suddenly. “I'm fine.” The Doctor stiffened from his place against the coral.“Nah, never mind Felspoon. You know who I'd like to meet? Charlie Chaplin. I bet he's great, Charlie Chaplin. Shall we do that? Shall we go and see Charlie Chaplin? Shall we? Charlie Chaplin? Charlie Chester. Charlie Brown. No, he's fiction. Friction, fiction, fixing, mixing, Rickston, Brixton.” Donna rambled on before gasping and turning towards him. The Doctor walked towards her as she touched her temple. “Oh, my God.” 

 

“Do you know what's happening?” He firmly asked.

 

“Yeah.” She ground out.

 

“There's never been a human Time Lord metacrisis before now. And you know why.” He explained. Donna turned to look at him.

 

“Because there can't be.” She said before moving away from where she was standing. “I want to stay.” 

 

“Look at me. Donna, look at me.” The Doctor said as he leaned into her space.

 

“I was going to be with you forever.” She said.

 

“I know.”

 

“The rest of my life, travelling in the Tardis. The Doctor Donna. No. Oh my god. I can't go back. Don't make me go back. Doctor, please, please don't make me go back.” She begged him as they stood up.

 

“Donna. Oh, Donna Noble. I am so sorry. But we had the best of times. The best. Goodbye.” 

 

God she thought he knew now! She thought he understood. “No, no, no. Please. Please. No. No. No, Wait! Chameleon Circuit!”

 

The Doctor stopped. “Donna-”

 

“Chameleon Circuit! Change me into a species that can handle this knowledge.” Donna said wrenching away from him.

 

“You won’t be  _ human _ anymore.”

 

“I can’t go back. Doctor I  _ can’t _ go  _ back _ .”

 

The Doctor stared at her for a long moment. “Okay.” He conceded.

 

‘One will die.’ Dalek Caan said and the Doctor couldn’t help but think this is what he was talking about. The death of the human parts of Donna Noble.

 

* * *

 

A few days later the metacrisis Doctor had a question for Rose Tyler.

 

“Why was it so important to Gray that you meet his brother?” He asked.

 

Rose looked up from what she was doing, and then glanced away.

 

“He calls me family too. And...and...Gray lost him a long time ago. He wouldn’t say anything about it, but Gray was looking for him ever since he lost him.” She admitted.

 

“How long had you known?”

 

Rose looked very uncomfortable.

 

“He was going to tell you.”

 

The metacrisis Doctor didn’t say anything.

 

“He told me that night you took Margaret out for her last meal. Gray told me everything he could remember about him that day.”

 

He didn’t say anything because he had no right to expect personal details like that out of Gray. Especially not anymore.

 

It was just a bit odd to him because when he looked at  Gray when he was introducing Rose to his brother Gray looked at this man with such open admiration the Doctor was struck silent for a moment.

 

He knew Gray once admired him once. Before he was left behind. Gray once was deferential to his authority and died for him back when he thought it would be permanent. But those shows of respect were hidden behind Gray’s defensive nature against anyone at that time. 

 

Gray looked at this man with such open and unquestionable respect that Doctor had just stared for a minute when Rose first met Jack.

 

“Gray obviously loves his brother very much.” He finally said.

 

Rose smiled, albeit a bit awkwardly, and nodded. “And Jack loves him very much too.” 

 

“I’m glad they found each other.” He replied.

 

“Me too.” She declared going back to what she was doing.


	35. Day One

Gwen was halfway to the Tourist Office entrance to Torchwood when she heard heavy footsteps behind her.

 

She sharply turned around, still unsettled a bit by the kids who stopped on her way here but only saw Jack.

 

“Gwen?” He softly said, his voice weak and cracking, as usual, looking confused by her defensive stance.

 

Of course, he was out here. He’s gotten into the habit of morning and evening walks. Whether it’s to prove to himself he’s free or it helps with his insomnia and nightmares or both no one knew but Jack loved walking through the city.

 

“Sorry, Jack.” Gwen said trying to smile reassuringly at him. “ _ This place _ and all that.” SHe explained trying to be vague in case Glyn was in earshot. She realized a bit too late that Jack wouldn’t have vocalized his confusion by her action unless he was positive anyone else wasn’t within hearing distance. 

 

He didn’t look like he believed her, but he didn’t acknowledge it. “Morning.” He said instead.

 

“Good morning Jack.” Gwen replied, smiling for real now. Jack offered his arm and Gwen took it. 

 

They both walked into the building Torchwood used as a front.

 

They still were arm-in-arm when they walked through the Cog Door. The Hub was brightly lit, and Tosh and Owen were diligently working away already.

 

Tosh gave Gwen and Jack the heads up that Gray and Ianto were investigating something at the hospital. 

 

Gwen took that moment to look up children on her computer.

 

* * *

 

The entire team looked at the CCTV screen where they saw Doctor Patanjali in Roald Dahl Plass.

 

“What's he doing?” Gray asked Ianto.

 

“Waiting, just like you said. He's been there twenty minutes.”

Tosh and Owen were whispering something to each other. 

 

“Persistent.” Gray said. Jack looked confused at this conversation.

 

“Might cause us trouble.” Ianto said.

. 

“Dogmatic.” Gray added.  

 

“Might cause us a lot of trouble.” Ianto replied.

 

“You two talk like twins. Now tell me who he is.” Gwen cut in.

 

“Rupesh Patanjali. He saw the hitchhiker. He's the bodies going missing man.” Ianto explained to her. Tosh and Owen giggled about something. They spoke so lowly that Gwen couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Jack thought he heard the two of them agree that this man was ‘hot’. 

 

If relearning how to be free human being was hard enough now he had 21st century slang added in the mix.

 

“What, and you let just him follow you?” Gwen asked.

 

“Ask about Torchwood, and most people point toward s the Bay.” Ianto said. Gray looked vaguely uncomfortable.

 

“Oh. You bastards. That's exactly what you did to me the first time we met. Well, sod that. I’m promoting myself to un-recruitment officer. Warn him off before you retcon the poor fellow.” Gwen announced before leaving. It’s strange how this seemed to remind her she’s seen the type of place Torchwood really was beneath the shining brilliance and she didn’t what this place to touch this young doctor.

 

Jack looked a bit frightened by the implications of their conversation. Gwen patted him of the back, but her smile didn’t quite match her face. He doesn’t know why she bothers when everyone here knew he wouldn’t be fooled.

 

* * *

 

Jack has never been on earth before Gunner brought him here to be slaughtered. He’s barely been around actual, normal people since he was a child himself. 

 

Despite that all the children of earth stopping, screaming, and chanting ‘we are coming’ is definitely not what was to be expected of 21st century earth.

 

As soon as Gwen called every member of Torchwood and Jack ran out of the Hub to where Gwen was. Owen noticed another group of still children and sent Dr. Patanjali to them.

 

Anxiety thrummed under Jack’s skin, an ever present tingle these days, this time it was set off even more by the open space and  _ so many _ people surrounding him. He did a breathing exercise he found on the internet to calm and remind himself these people aren’t allowed to hurt him and most likely they won’t.

 

The mother’s fear almost set him off again, but he knew he had to help. He tapped Ianto on the shoulder and gave him a meaningful look. Ianto easily gave up recording the children to him.

 

Tosh and Gray scanned the children, Tosh using her technology and Gray his vortex manipulator, while Owen checked over the little girl’s vital signs. 

 

As soon as the children started again Torchwood ran back into the base.

 

Gwen made some comment about a ‘sci-fi superbase’ at Dr. Patanjali before following the others. 

 

* * *

 

“They said on the news that we should send them back to school tomorrow.”Leah Marts said as she prepared coffee for her and Gray. “Do you think it's safe?”

 

“Well, I don't know any more than you.” He lightly replied.

“Oh, come on.”

 

“I don't.” Gray decidedly said. He paused for moment before asking “Any word from Andrew?” 

 

“In Italy. With her. They finally got married. But he er, he phones every now and then, and sends Alex postcards, remembers his birthday. There are worse fathers.” She said, not looking at him once. She personally knew a worse father. 

 

“How are you off for money?” Gray asked after a long moment.

 

“Don't worry about that, you give me enough. Kind of easy writing checks, huh? Easy support.” Leah replied handing him a cup of coffee

 

“Leah, you're the one who asked me to stay away. I'd come round here every week if you wanted me to. Every day.” He replied before taking a sip. 

 

“Yeah. I just can't stand it, Gray. I look older than you do and it's never gonna stop. I get older and older and you stay the same. One day, you're gonna be standing at my funeral looking just like you did when you were standing at my Mum's. No wonder she was so furious. You make us feel old.” Leah said, staring into her cup pensively.

 

“Actually, I found a grey hair.” Gray said, not knowing what to say exactly and he wanted to dispel some of the heavy atmosphere.

 

“Oh. Well, that is the end of the world.” She laughed.

 

Gray chuckled, then went silent. “You ever gonna tell him?” 

 

She smiled condescendingly. “What do I say, that I’ve known you all my life and you haven’t changed the slightest bit? That you run some alien-catching organization? That you knew my mum?” 

 

“He's too young to notice right now that I don't age. But one day, he's gonna realise.” 

 

“And that's another reason for you to stay away.” She declared and took another sip of her coffee.

“I suppose. I could make the most of it while he's still young. Take him out, buy him stuff. Me and him, sort of thing.” Gray said, deceptively casually.

 

“You mean today?” Leah asked, clearly not falling for his ploy.

While I'm here, may as well.” Gray answered and still tried to act like there was no other reason for what he was asking.

 

“Oh, you bastard. Something happens to kids, and you want to spend time with him on the same day. You are not experimenting on that boy, Gray. Not ever. That's why I want you to stay away. Because you're dangerous.”

 

* * *

 

“Result. There was a Holly Tree Lodge just outside Arbroath. It's a hotel now, but up until 1965, it was a state-run orphanage. And they had a Clement MacDonald. He-” Ianto was saying but Gwen ignored him.

 

“Oi!” Owen snapped when he saw Gwen setting up his scanner.

 

“Oh.” Ianto said. He turned to Jack, who was listening intently before, and saw him nod before rushing down to Autopsy after Gwen and Owen.

 

Owen rushed down to Autopsy to see what she was so hung up about. He snatched it from her hands and declared “You’re my patient now Cooper. Sit your arse down.” 

 

Gwen made some snappish comment under her breath, but was too distressed to really have anything especially rude to say.

 

Owen quickly set up the equipment.

 

They heard Gray’s voice, but ignored it. Jack was bustling into the room and stood right next to her.

 

Owen realized what the scan was telling them. “ _ No _ .” He said disbelievingly. “Congrats love.” 

 

Gwen stared. Jack’s face broke into the happiest grin Gwen and Owen have ever seen in their lives. He looked at her meaningfully and when she nodded he tightly hugged her. “Congratulations!” He happily told her.

 

They heard Gray at the top of the stairs. He didn’t finish what he was saying when he too realized that Gwen was pregnant. “Oh, my God.” Gray rushed over to her side. “Is that? How long?” 

 

“Three weeks.” She replied stiffly. Her eyes were wide and wet.

 

“That's good, isn't it? From where I'm standing it looks good to me.” Gray said. They both kept looking at the screen.

 

“Yeah. Bloody hell. It's brilliant.” She softly said. 

 

“Ianto, Tosh! Gwen is having a baby.” Gray loudly said as said people came rushing to Autopsy “Have you told Rhys?” 

 

“I've only just found out myself.” 

 

“Oh, Jack found out before he did. He is gonna love that.” Gray laughed. Oh god Gwen didn’t even think about that. He’s going to have a fit. She nervously laughed.

 

“Congrats Gwen!” Tosh said before rushing over to her.

 

“Congratulations.” Ianto told her sincerely. “Would now be a good time to tell you I lost the car?”

 

“You did  _ what _ ?” Gray said sharply turning towards him.

 

“That is so bloody spectacular. But what about this place, and my job?” She said, sounding bloody terrified.

 

“We'll manage. We always do.” He said reassuringly before putting his hand on hers. Gray took her other hand and squeezed tightly.

 

After a moment an alarm went off.

 

“What the hell is that?” Gwen asked before they all stared at the screen again.

 

“Oh, my God. It's a bomb.” Gray whispered.

 

“There's a bomb inside your stomach.” Ianto said. It was obvious but everyone was surprised. 

 

“God, this is worse than the Nostrovite.” Owen said.

 

“Get out, all of you.” Gray screamed as he pushed everyone out of Autopsy. Ianto already ran out to find out more about the bomb on their computers.

 

“No!”

 

“Like hell!”

 

“Right now.” He said again.

 

“Blast radius, one mile.” Ianto declared running his fingers through his hair.

 

“Right now. Get out!” Gray shouted again pushing Owen away and any attempts he could have made to think of  _ something _ . Tosh was frantically typing on her computer trying to find anyway to deactivate the bomb.

 

“There must be something we can do. Look, we can stop it. We can fix this, okay? we can rip it out of you.” Gwen rambled on and Gray physically dragged her away.

 

“ _ STOP _ !” A cracked voice suddenly screamed.

 

Everyone sharply looked at Jack. He was trembling but his face was determined.

 

“Gray.” He said walking up to him. “Bay.” 

 

“It's active. Two minutes.” Ianto announced.

 

“The blast radius-” Gray started saying but was interrupted.

 

“Water.” Jack said.

 

Gray looked torn for a moment before running towards the Cog Door.

 

Jack turned towards the others. “Compromised.” He announced doing a circular motion with his hand around the Hub before pushing them towards the exit. He only took a detour to grab a satchel bag that's he's started taking everywhere since earth’s abduction and the Dalek invasion.

 

They were in the tourist office before Gwen got a word in.

 

“We can’t just leave Gray! Jack how could you -” she was saying before Jack almost  _ snarled _ at her. She startled back in surprise since he’s never shown any aggression towards any of them and since he’s growing to love them. Years of torture taught him that there was no fighting back against them, so submitting was the only thing to do.

 

Owen couldn’t help but wish this would’ve come up earlier. Maybe if Jack punched him in the face they wouldn’t have to be afraid of each other and afraid of upsetting the other.

 

Jack pointed at her. “Pregnant.” He pointed to himself then everyone else. “Keep safe.” 

 

“Jack you can barely-” Gwen tried to start before realizing something. Jack was…still afraid of course, but in charge, in a way they have never seen before.

 

He was standing on his own and not crumbling. He was not too broken to take care of himself and others. 

 

Gwen was about to comment but stopped after hearing a splash.

 

Everyone looked at Gray swimming as fast as he could into the Bay.

 

Jack heard someone close and was going to ignore it until he heard them say ‘Torchwood’. He bolted towards them, and his face must’ve given away his fury because the man startled back.

 

“ _ Go _ !” He told the rest of them when he punched the man unconscious. 

 

The bay suddenly lit up. Water, pieces of metal, concrete, and God knew what else rained from the sky as everyone was blinded by light.

 

Everyone was pushed to the ground by the sheer force of it. Jack used his body to cushion their fall the best he could.

  
Besides the explosion the only thing that could be heard is the children stopping again, parents sobbing, and  _ “We are coming...back.” _


End file.
